Worthless
by julia-neHH
Summary: Everyday is a chase for survival. I sit around questioning humanity, and my demons are lurking again... And I have no clue what to think, not when their voices are louder than mine. What's supposed to be there is just not meant to be. This is not how things should have turned out. What happened to happy endings and fairy tales? I guess I'm not meant for one of those either. *R&R*
1. Worthless

**Worthless**

I suffocate.

I drown.

Deeper.

Deeper.

I can no longer look at a clear image. Everything is blurry and I feel my lungs asking for air. Begging and the pain becomes stronger…

Stronger…

I am no longer human. I can't smile and as the seconds pass, I keep drowning. I let myself go and everything becomes a distant memory. Every sound is tuned out. I don't want to hear it.

The screams.

The loud bangs on the walls. Those white walls, and all those memories of bloodshed.

The pleading, the whimpering outside.

I slowly close my eyes and I can't breathe. I place my hand on my chest and punch it right there. But I can't feel any pain, the water weakens it. Why must it all come to this? To the point where I keep losing the grasp of life. I'm dead. The light I used to hold once is vanished from existence.

I force myself to stay there, suffocating. This is how it was always supposed to be. I was never born to survive. I close my eyes completely and I'm ready to go. To stop this suffering… I don't want to hear it. I don't want to wake up everyday in the morning and wonder how I will survive another day of misery. I don't want... any of this. My lungs ask for air, and I feel myself suffocate. Slowly I'm dying.

And then I hear it.

The impact of metal hitting the floor. I clutched on the handles and pushed myself up. I gasp for air and weakly wrap my arms my naked body. I pant and I feel all my blood return to my body. My breathing is still hitched as I swallowed and take all the oxygen I can. Tears start rolling down my cheek and I whimper bringing my knees up to my body. I began rocking back and forth. Because that's all I can do. Nothing. Nothing to prevent this nightmare.

When will I wake up? Is this reality?

I hear yells coming from downstairs. I shut my eyes and cover my ears.

I don't want to hear it.

This is not how it's supposed to be. I don't want things to be this way.

I bite my lip to stop the whimpering. I bite it hard enough for blood to start dripping down. I open one eye and find myself in a pool of red water. I lick my lip and wince at the metallic taste. I swallowed the blood. And slowly I got up.

The screaming has stopped.

I pulled the drain out and hear the water flush down. I turn on the shower and all the red liquid rolls of my body. I step out and wrap myself in my towel. I sighed and leaned on the counter. I looked at my reflection on the mirror.

Who are you?

I am lifeless. All the youth and light in my eyes is gone, left with a dull color replacing the once hazel color. Pallid and fragile as if by the slightest push I will break. Heavy bags marked around my eyes, showing my lack of sleep. I can see my cheek bones and all signs of how screwed up I am are there. Out to the open. I sighed and picked up _his _razor. I took the top part off and I looked at my wrists. I stared at them for a moment before I hesitantly brought the razor to them. I lick my lip again and blood is still seeping out. A few drops land on my still unmarked wrists. My entire being begins to tremble. And I feel tears asking to come out. I shake my head.

What the hell am I doing?

I quickly throw the razor to the garbage and cover it with toilet paper. My body shakes, and I long to take it back out. I clutched my head and lean on the bathroom door, slowly slidding down.

I am loosing myself.

No…

I'm already lost.

I held the incoming tears and my heart beat increases. I blinked a couple of times and a tear rolled down. I wiped it away. I can't show weakness. Not now. Not ever.

_He _feeds on weakness.

I dry myself clean and began dressing. Due to my rapid loss of weight, all my clothes fit baggy on me. I check myself in the mirror and frowned disapprovingly. I tug my sweater down and took off my skinny jeans. I quickly put on the red sweat pants and without another look; I got out of the bathroom. I carefully leaned on the hallway wall and slowly took a peak down the stairs. My keen ears listened for any noise. When I heard none I took the first step down.

_Bam!_

Startled, I quickly went back to the wall and hid behind it. I breathe heavily, and my hands turned into fist. Please don't come up. Please don't. I closed my eyes and waited for him to come up the stairs. I waited for his heavy footsteps to mark his territory. I leaned on the wall and grew anxious when I couldn't find anything to hold. My chest rose up and down rapidly.

"Loren… Honey… He's gone…"

I opened my eyes at the sound of the weak and soft voice of my mother. I stood there frozen for a moment, listening to any sign that he is still here. When the coast was clear, I quietly went down the stairs, taking careful steps. I clutched on to the handle on both sides of the wall, I turned the corner. And held my breath as I watched the scene in front of me.

I walked towards my mom and she smiled.

How can you smile?

How can you when you're lying on the floor covered in scattered glass? Look at you. A black eye, frail and can barely let any words out. Look at us. What has happened?

I lend her a hand when she attempted to get up but failed. She took it, and cautiously stood up. She sighed and walked past me. I followed her into the kitchen while she grabbed the broom, walking back to the mess and clean it up. I opened the refrigerator and smiled bitterly.

"You bought a cake?"

"Yeah…"

"I told you I didn't want one."

I turned to her and ran a hand through my hair. She shrugged and dumped the glass on the garbage.

"So? It doesn't mean I can't get one. And plus I promised you last year that I would get you one."

"I don't remember asking you last year."

"You were fifteen, your mind was elsewhere and you probably ignored everything I possibly said."

"Yeah, I was thinking of how to survive the next day."

She glared at me but she gently caressed my cheek. She shook her head and I sighed.

"It'll get better."

"When? Tomorrow? Next week? Two years from now? Or never?" I said in annoyance.

"It will. I promise."

I pulled away from her hold and grabbed my keys. I took my wallet out of the drawer and snatched my phone from the counter. I opened the kitchen back door. Once I stepped out, I inhaled the fresh air and flinched as the sun's ray hit my face.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere."

"Alright…"

I closed the door and began walking away from hell. I turned the corner and ventured into the sidewalk. I looked to the side of me and looked at the two-story, white house. My hell.

I placed my hoodie on top of my head and avoided any eye contact with the passersby.

This is how it's been for as long as I can remember. And it's how it will always be.

My mother.

Me.

And my abusive father.

* * *

I extended my arms and looked up at the sky. I blinked once. Twice. And took in the view. I was on the tip of my shoes.

This is my sanctuary.

The soles of my shoes were back on the ground and I brought my hands to both of my sides. I looked off to the scenery. I became lost in it.

What does it feel like to be free?

I squatted down and picked some rocks. I threw them to the distance squinting my eyes to see where they landed. I kept throwing the rocks. Not acknowledging the fact of the faint footsteps behind me. It's weird. Because I have trained my ears to pick up any noise from the drop of a paperclip to the loud bangs on the door.

"Hi."

I instantly turned around. I looked at the person and he walked forward. I dropped the remaining rocks and nodded my head. He smiled and I saw his eyes sparkled when he did so. I wonder… what is it like to actually smile for real? Not the ones where they don't reach your eyes but the forced and restrained ones.

"Um hello."

I waved my hand awkwardly. He stood beside me and I crossed my arms while he placed his in his pockets.

"It's beautiful here."

I looked at him and just like me; he gets hypnotized by the beauty. I averted my gaze to the sky again. After a few moments, the silence became awkward and I wanted to get out of it. I cleared my throat, capturing his attention. This place is not big enough for both of us. His eyebrows were raised and he curiously looked at me.

"So what you doing here?"

"I come here a lot."

"Me too."

Can this guy leave already?

"Um So…"

"Can you leave?"

"Excuse me?"

He looked at me taken aback and incredulous to my sudden question. I shrugged and sighed in annoyance. "I just wanted some alone time. So can you please go?"

"What if I don't? Maybe I want some alone time too."

"Okay. But I was here first. And being alone here is a need, not a want for me."

He narrowed his eyes. I stood my ground and politely pointed to the direction where he came from. "Nope." I sighed dejectedly and turned around to the scenery. I bit my lip, but hissed at the sudden pang of pain. Shoot. I forgot the bloody hell I gave it.

"Are you okay?"

"Never been better."

I wiped my lip with my hand, I looked at my hand and there was blood. He-who-I-don't-know out of nowhere shoved a hankie my way. I looked at it skeptical. Maybe he's some rapist or a pedophile. I looked at him and shook the thought away. He is no older than twenty.

"Take it."

He shoved it to me again, and I reluctantly took it. "Thank you." I muttered. I wiped my lip and my nose scrunched up at the smell. I observed his hankie and smirked as ED was elegantly engraved in the center.

"I'm Eddie Duran."

I stared at Eddie unfazed from the corner of my eyes. He flashed me a smile and I nodded my head.

"Good for you."

He opened his mouth slightly, obviously taken aback by my ignorance or something of that sort. Then it dawned to me. His last name rings a bell. Duran.

"Hey aren't you Max and Katy Duran's son?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Yeah."

"Cool. My mom was and still is a huge fan of MK so let's just say I grew up with their music."

"Yeah. They're… they're amazing. They inspire a lot of people with their music, myself included."

What is like to be loved by both of your parents unconditionally? Where your mother is not delusional enough to think that he will change his way? That every day is not hell instead a sweet surprise? What is like to be free and not worry over if you are going to survive the next day? I sighed and pressed the hankie on my lip hard, causing blood to come out. I swallowed and turned around. I walked down the hill from my spot and I felt his eyes on me.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go?"

He nodded and smiled. "It was nice meeting you…"

"You too."

"Hey, what's your name?"

I smiled weakly and shook my head. "It's not important."

And I left.

I am nothing.

* * *

**_Three Days Later_**

"Listen to me carefully _sweetie._"

I breathed heavily gasping for air as hehad me pinned on the wall and his hands tightly clutched my neck. I feel his grip intensified as I try to get out of his hold. I gasped as all air is ripped away from me. He leans down and slowly kisses my cheek. I whimpered as a few tears rolled down my cheek. He wiped them away and I looked straight in front of me.

Why does it have to be this way?

My mother was lying unconscious on the floor. Blood surrounding her and each passing second I feel myself losing that small grasp of life I have. He violently cups my face with his hand, squeezing forcedly. I choke and start punching on his arms. But to no avail, they do nothing.

"This is what you are going to do."

He slowly lets me go and I fall on the floor. I curl up bringing my knees to my body and wrapping my arms around them; the tears never cease to fall.

"You are going to pick this mess up. Clean it all. You're going to have to wake Nora and get her clean and gently tuck her in bed. Then you are going to go get something to eat because there is shit in this house. And after you come back, like the good daughter you are, you're going to check on your mother and then go to sleep and pretend nothing ever happened."

I breathed heavily as I looked at this man with so much hatred and venom in my eyes. He squatted down and smiled at me. I hugged myself tighter and turned my head away instantly as he put his hand on my hair. He chuckled.

"I'm not going to hurt you _sweetie. _You know I never will."

He ruffled my hair and I contained the small cries. I cannot be weak. He stood up and I heard his footsteps fade.

"Good girl."

The door closed softly and I stood up and ran to where my mother was. I carefully picked her upper body up and held her closely to me. This time I didn't hold the cries. I scrambled for my pocket searching for that hankie. When I found it, I carefully wiped my mom's face with it. She flinched and began crying at the sudden pang of pain in her head.

I sat there, with my mother unconscious and me not knowing what to do.

I need to put an end to this.

This is not how our lives are supposed to be.

* * *

**_Two days later_**

"Can you leave now?"

"No can do."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"You're annoying."

He smirked and raised his eyebrows. I pulled my hoodie up and tried covering the bruises around my neck which were covered by my turtle neck shirt. I cleared my throat and brought my legs to my body. I hugged them and rested my chin on my knees. I felt Eddie's gaze scrutinizing me. I tug my shirt up and pressed my lips together. I looked up at the grey sky and sighed.

"Why do you that?"

"Hm? Do what?"

"Cover yourself…"

I turned to look at him and shrugged. "Why do you care?"

He scratched the back of his head and rapidly turned around. He laughed nervously and I waited for his response. A few moments later he turned back to me and there was a small smile on his face. He gently placed his hand on my head clutching the top of the soft material, reminding me about how close our proximity is. And slowly he took the hoodie off my head. He locked strings of my hair with his fingers and in a caressing manner he put them behind my ear and stroked my cheek. I cursed, as I felt my face heat up.

"I don't know… I just think it's kind of sad that you don't see what I see."

I slightly parted my mouth and looked at him confused. "What do you see?" He smiled warmly at me and sighed.

"How beautiful you are."

My eyes turned widened as he let those words slip out of his mouth. He was still smiling at me and no sign of remorse or regret of what he just said was evident on his face. Instead he continued caressing my cheek as my face turned a light pink. No one had ever made me feel like this. In an instant, I pushed his hand away and looked at the view in front of me. Ignoring whatever I was just feeling and what he just said. I inhaled and shook my head. How can you find someone so broken, lost, weak and confused beautiful? I am anythingbut beautiful…

He heaved a sigh and laid on the ground. I pulled my legs closer to me and put all my effort not to look back at him.

"I hate you."

For making me feel like this.

"I know."

He said in that soft and sweet voice that he always has when he's with me.

* * *

**_Two weeks later_**

"Mom?"

"Yeah honey."

"We need leave."

I looked at her with helpless and pleading eyes. She stared at me for a mere second before shaking her head. "Loren not now."

"Mom… please. Let's go right now. Leave everything and just take the car and get away from him. Mom… we need to go. Please this is the only chance we got. He-He won't be here for at least a few more hours. Let's take this chance."

She shook her head and I walked up to her. I cupped her cheek and forced her to look at me. She had tears rolling down her cheeks. It took everything within me to not start crying. I need to be strong… for the both us. She gently gripped both of my wrists and stroked it with her thumb. She nodded her head and I smiled in hope.

"Where would we go? We have no one…"

"We'll think of that later. We need to leave right now. Get away from here and then we think of where we would go after. I-I-Mom I can't take this no more. This nightmare needs to end. We need to escape from Trent."

I let her go and she wiped her tears away. I ran a hand through my hair and simultaneously picked the keys up. I turned around and my mom was gone.

"Mom?"

"I'm packing!"

"No! We don't have enough time." I followed her up the stairs and she began taking out a suitcase from the closet. I took it of her hands and shook my head. "We're wasting time. We need to get out of here as soon as possible. We can't risk this chance. Let's go…" I grabbed her hand and she, confused, let me drag her down the stairs.

I gave her the keys and she reluctantly grabbed them. I began walking faster as I felt her face rise with terror. No. Not now. No second thoughts. We need to leave. I pulled her towards the door but then she suddenly stopped. I tried pulling her but she was stronger. She shook her head uncontrollably and dropped the keys. I quickly picked them up and placed them in between her hands. She didn't want to take them.

No mom. Please. Realize how much we need to leave.

"We can't go Loren… we can't leave Trent. How will he manage?"

"Trent will manage by himself but we need to go. Because if we don't he will keep abusing us…"

"Trent-"

"He will never change. He will always keep torturing us. No matter how many times he tells you he will. He never does. Why can't you see that? We need to go. Please. Mom do this for both of us. Let's go search for that better life you always told me about…"

"Honey I-"

"Don't you want the best for me?" She cupped my cheeks and pulled me in an embrace. We're wasting time. "Don't you want to protect me?" This is our only escape. "So please, let's get out of here. Away from Trent." She shivered and pulled away from me. I gave her the keys and she grabbed them this time. She walked to the kitchen and I wanted to scream at her. But she came back with a roll of cash in her hands.

"Where did you get that?"

"I've been saving this for the past few years."

She grabbed my hand and we began walking towards the door. My heart was pumping out of my chest as we inched closer to the door. This is our only escape. The keys shook uncontrollably telling me that my mother was just as nervous and excited as I was. She quickly held the door knob and opened the door.

"NORA!"

No. No. No. No. We were supposed to be gone. You were supposed to be gone…

My mom whimpered as we stared at the rabid man shooting daggers at both of us. He chugged down the last drop of his drink and I stared at him disgusted as liquid rolled down his beard. I squeezed my mom's hands and we began backing away as he walked forward. Both our hands were trembling and I swallowed as he lifted his hand up, the one with the glass, and smashed to the ground. My mom held a scream and my tears were stinging.

We had our chance and we lost it.

"You ungrateful bitches! Where the fuck do you think you're going."

I made a run for it, bringing my mom with me but was cut off short when my mom was pulled out of my grasp. I quickly turned around and he had grabbed my mom from her hair. She screamed in agony as he violently shook her.

"To all that have done for you! This is how you repay me?"

He continued shaking my mom's head and her limp body tried escaping from him. Without another beat I charged at Trent and attempted to push him of her. I kicked and punched him as hard as I could but it did nothing. He unexpectedly turned around and in one swift movement he lifted me up and threw me away blindly. I flinched in pain as my back hit the mirror on the wall. Glass was sent chattering around me and I landed on one broken piece. It cut through my skin on my leg and I contained the scream and the tears rolled down my cheek.

"Please don't- No N-"

He pushed her to the floor.

Kicked her once.

Twice.

Three times.

He squatted down, grabbed her by the hair and smashed her head against the floor. She yelled and all I could do is watch. Watch as he tortured her.

Why am I so useless? All I can do is just sit around. Why? Why can't I stand up? I can't let him killed her. No. I can't. He needs to pay for all that he did. I screamed, letting all my pain and anger out. I can't…

I grabbed the closest thing I can reach and painfully stood up. My leg and back hurt as hell but I ignored it. I limped and grasped the metallic tube on my hand. Holding it, this is my second chance. To get away from all of this.

He was too distracted harassing my mother to notice me struggling my way to him. He was too busy laughing to hear my small cries of pain. He was too busy enjoying the misery my mom was going through. I lifted the tube and I put all my strength and smashed it against his skull.

I enjoyed every second of him falling weakly on the floor. I enjoyed as he laid there weak and powerless

Ten years ago, he had turned into drugs, alcohol and let himself go. Ten years ago he had came home drunk and took advantage of my mom. Ten years ago, I watched as he slowly gave in to all the violence and pain he inflicted on us. I watched as he enjoyed his sadistic actions.

Ten years ago, I lost my father.

Ten years later…

I was finally free.

* * *

"Loren Tate?"

I wrapped myself with the blanket as I looked up at the man and his clipboard. I swallowed and sat up straighter on the ambulance car. I looked at his badge; Rogers... He smiled sympathetic at me and I down casted my eyes.

"How's my mom?" I barely managed to say.

"She's been taken care off. She'll get better. I'm sorry you couldn't go with her to the hospital but we need to ask you a few questions regarding your father-"

"Trent McCall. That's his name."

I looked down at my bandaged leg and flinched as my back began to hurt. Rogers nodded and sat next to me.

"He's not going to hurt you anymore."

I bit my lip and shook my head.

"You are brave. You had enough and you were able to escape from all of it. And now he will pay."

"Is he dead?"

"You hit him pretty bad in the head. He's lucky if he gets a just concussion and not the latter, death."

Lucky mother-fucker.

"What will happen to him? Will he-"

"Jail. Hopefully for life. What he did is unforgivable. He will never ever hurt your mother and you."

I nodded. Good. I sighed and my hands turned into fists. I felt Rogers's eyes on me and he smiled sadly.

"You can cry you know… its okay to cry. It's all over."

I smiled bitterly. "I want to cry."

"Why don't you?"

"Because I can't. That won't change anything. All the damage he has done is still here and crying won't fix anything. Crying won't erase all that has happened to the both of us."

I'm worthless.

* * *

**_Senior Year (Two years and half later)_**

"Happy birthday!"

I spun around trying to find who this person, who had indiscreetly yelled, was. I looked around and ended staring at a bright and colorful girl staring at me. I raised an eyebrow.

Melissa Sanders.

She smiled enthusiastically at me and I noticed the box she held on her hands. How the hell does she know what day today is for me? I don't even know this chick that well. Only that I have all my classes with her and she can't seem to shut up. But I like her. She's different. And she doesn't care what others talk about her. I admire that and I respect her.

"Um okay?"

"Here!"

She pushed her neon pink, wrapped in a neon green ribbon box. I grabbed it and looked at it. I blinked a couple times to adjust to the colorful box. "Thanks…"

"You're very welcome."

Melissa smiled and clutched her purse.

"How did you know it was my birthday?"

"Your mom is friends with my mom. I overheard her conversation about your birthday."

"Oh."

This is news to me. So she's Lisa Sanders daughter. I nodded my head and smiled appreciatively. "Thank you again." I turned around and began walking away. I heard her clattering heels walk alongside me. I looked at her and she smiled cheaply.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go for lunch or something…"

"I-"

"C'mon! It'll be fun. We can talk and get to know each other. And plus we need to get you some meat in you."

"I don't think I-"

"Oh shush! You know you want to."

I let her drag me all the way to the parking lot. She pushed me to the passenger seat and shut the door. I watched as she walked around the car, opened the door and got in. She started the ignition and drove away.

"Where are we going?"

"To the mall."

"I thought we were going to get something to eat."

"We are. We're just going shopping."

"What?" I was getting annoyed and furious. "Who are you? What are you doing? Did my mom pay you to come up unexpectedly to me for a day? Are you going to go off to your friends later today and tell them how big of a joke Loren Tate is? How everyone in this fucking world knows how her abusive father was about to kill her mom and her daughter?'

She looked at me from the corner of her eyes as I was red, fuming. I shut my eyes. I need to control my temper more. I get mad with the slightest thing. I rub my face. I leaned back on the car seat. She shook her head and smiled sympathetically. I don't need your pity. I looked away and she poked me in the arm.

"What friends? I don't have any… you're the first one who didn't tell me to 'go the fuck off'... If you haven't been paying attention. Everyone hates me… and my guts."

I turned to look at her and she smiled. She continued driving. "I-"

"Admit it. You're just like me. We're both alike, just under different circumstances. And no your mom didn't pay me. I came up to you willingly like you didn't protest and let me take you."

I down casted my eyes and sighed. "Why?"

"Because everyone needs a friend. Someone who can be there for them, a shoulder to cry on or just the fact that you're not completely alone. Even people like us, who believe that life is filled with disappointment and hate, we need someone."

I closed my eyes and took in the truth in her words.

* * *

"This one is cute. What do you think?"

"It's pretty."

"You didn't even look at it!"

"I did."

"Will you get off that phone?"

I groaned when Melissa snatched it away from me. She placed it inside her bag and I glared at her. She waved the floral dress in front of her.

"Go try it."

"I don't want to."

"Well too bad."

She pushed me to the dressing room and shoved me the dress. I struggled to get the zipper up, but when I did; I came out and Melissa gasped. She made me twirl around and she clasped her hands.

"It's the one. It was made for you. Oh look at you! Stunning."

I looked at mirror and smiled a small one. I straightened the dress and admire how it complemented my body. Melissa stood beside me and grabbed my arm. I looked at her from the mirror and she smiled.

My first friend.

If you exclude the guy from the hill. What was his name? Oh yeah. Eddie Duran. The now international rockstar who every girl can't help but fawn over. I wonder if he remembers me. Probably not. I haven't seen him for more than two years… After all I stopped going to my spot after that day that turned both my mom and I lives around. Did I tell you how we moved to the valley and ever since things have been actually getting better for us? I have a stable part-time job and I got accepted to Brown. My mom works as an accountant in a bar. And we're better. Physically and mentally. Trent is where he belongs, rotting in prison. I smirked, his hell. I sighed and Melissa pulled me away to the other racks.

We ended up buying three more dresses and two pair of shoes with accessories. I walked out of the store with the dress still on. My stomach betrayed me and our next stop was the food court. Melissa had all the bags and I clutched my purse close to me. There are personal things in there. One being letters I had exchanged with my mother as I was recovering in rehab and she was recovering in the hospital. We could've talked over the phone, but we thought it would be fun to do it this way. And the others are personal possessions. And…

His hankie.

Well my hankie. Even after all these years I still have it. Cleaned and still in good conditions.

"Wait. I'll be right back. I need to go put these on the car. So like stay here."

I watched as Melissa turned around and walked towards the exit. I ran a hand through my hair. It's tiring. Having a friend. That and the fact that Melissa is very energetic. She cannot stay in one place. I was turning around to the food court when I heard her all too familiar shout.

"DON'T EAT WITHOUT ME!"

I groaned and clutched my rumbling stomach. I walked towards one of the many benches and sat down on it. I watched everyone passing by, couples holding hands and whispering sweet nothings. And then I leaned back on the wall in boredom. A few minutes late, Melissa was still not here. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Can she hurry up?

I heard the rumbling of bags and then it went quiet. I opened one eye and noticed someone was sitting next to me. The person grunted and stretched his arms. He rolled his head backwards and sighed dejectedly. I smiled.

"Stressing day?"

"Huh? Um yeah. Been here since the morning and I'm dying to leave already…"

I laughed and he smirked.

"What about you?"

"I'm dying of boredom."

I shrugged my shoulders. I turned to look at him and our eyes met. He flashed me a smile and slowly lifted his hands up.

"What are you doing? You need to come to this store!"

A tall blonde stood in front of us. I restrained the laugh, as I watched him tried his best not to look annoyed. He fakes a smile and said sarcastically. "Coming _dear._" The blonde smiled enthusiastically. Too enthusiastically and quickly walked away. "There's this cute diamond necklace I just saw. You need to buy it for me!" I raised an eyebrow at him and he groaned.

"She's a keeper."

He rolled his eyes and I smiled. He leaned back and looked at me. I felt my face blush as he smiled at me. He was the only one who could manage me to get me like this. It was always only him. I turned the other way and he continued to look at me.

"Where have you been?"

I sighed. "Somewhere."

"I missed you."

I snorted. "We only met twice on that hill."

"So… You're pretty hard to forget."

I blushed a deeper red and I clutched the hem of my dress. He smiled and gently he placed his fingers on my chin and made me look at him. I stared at his brown eyes. They have a certain spark and I want to drown in them. I shook the thought away. What are you thinking? He has a girlfriend. And he would never look at someone like me anyways. His eyes trailed down to what I suppose were my lips and there was a small red tint on his face. I swallowed and we locked eyes again.

"Wow."

He managed to say. And he let me go. He scratched the back of his neck and smiled nervously.

"These two years have been good to you. If it's even more possible… you're more beautiful."

"Yeah right."

"I'm serious…"

I sighed and shook my head.

"It still hurts."

"What does?"

"How you still can't see what I see… You're different since when I last saw you. There's this spark in your eyes that I didn't see before and it suits you… and…" He smiled at me and pointed to my mouth. "You're smiling. I have never seen such a gorgeous smile as yours."

This man knows how to flatter people. I shrugged and shake his compliments away. "You don't believe me. But I'm telling you the truth." He ruffled his hair. "Can I burrow your phone for a second?"

"Um sure." I took my phone out of my purse and gave it to him skeptical as to why he wanted to use it so suddenly.

"I need to give a quick text."

I nodded and waited for him to give me back my phone. A minute later he gave it back and I placed it back on the purse. Silence fell upon us.

"Eddie!"

He groaned again and before he stood up he took something out of his pocket. He extended his arms and I looked at the small box on his hands. He urged me to take it and I opened it. I gasped at the heart shaped necklace with a small diamond engraved in the middle. I admired it and Eddie placed it in my hands.

"It's my mothers."

"Eddie… I can't take this…"

"Sure you can."

"But it's your mothers."

I placed it back in his hands and he shook his head. "I want you to have it."

"Why are you giving me this to me if it means so much to you? I'm only a stranger to you where areas you can give it to your girlfriend."

"But you see, I want you to have it because you're more important than that girl over there who I shall soon be calling it quits with. And plus, I know you'll take care of it and appreciate it. So take it."

"I-I-" I sighed. "You don't even know me."

"I do actually. You're the girl who didn't want to share that spot on the hill over Griffith Park and how I had much fun arguing over with. You're also the girl who I wanted to know every single detail about. And you're also the girl who had somehow broken my heart when she disappeared unexpectedly and I didn't see her for two years. And... you're also the girl whose name I forgot to ask."

I smiled and stood up. "Loren Tate." He smiled and took the necklace out of the box. He spun me around, I lifted my hair up and he gently placed the necklace around my neck. I couldn't suppresed the smile and I knew he was blushing and a sincere smile was on his face. I touched the small heart and I admired the beauty of it. Eddie turned me back around and I got lost in his eyes. He gently wrapped his arms around me and held me gently. I stood there and when he pulled away, his lips twitched upwards.

"Happy Valentine's Loren."

And he turned around. I watched him walk away as I remember his hankie. I took it out and called for him.

"Eddie wait!"

But he was lost in the crowd. I sighed and put the hankie back on my purse. Maybe I'll give it back to him some other time. Next time. I smiled. Definitely.

"Loren let's go! I'm hungry."

I walked towards Melissa who was standing next to the entrance of the food court. She waved at me, coaxing me to hurry up. I felt something vibrate on my left arm and I looked for my phone. Once I found it, I checked it and I had a new message. I checked who it was but it was an unknown number. I clicked it and I couldn't help but smile at the words.

**_Until next time Loren Tate. I will definitely be seeing you again. –Eddie_**

I looked at the direction Eddie had headed off to. My smile widened and turned back to Melissa.

Maybe I am worth something.

**Ay. These weeks have been blehh. Oh well here is a one shot that I had in mind and decided to get in words. So I hope you liked it. This writing style is not in any way near my comfort zone of writing. It was hard,and I'm sure I sucked at creating a dark and depressing tone in the first half. But Watevs.**

**Stay True,**

**Leddiexx **


	2. How to Save a Life

_**How to Save a Life**_

_**Two Days Later**_

_"Sweetie wake up. I told you I would be back. And you know I always keep my promises."_

_I groaned as I am disrupted from my deep slumber. I sighed and roll back to the other side of my bed. "Loren… Sweetie? Wake up."_

_I try to distinguish the hoarse voice of the person. A man. I shake the thought away and fell back into sleep. Then I suddenly felt chills go down my spine as frigid cold hands forcedly stroked my waist. I flutter my eyes open as the said person was breathing heavily down my neck. I held my breath as I felt the revolting scent of alcohol. I shut my eyes close and prayed for all of this to be over soon. But my prayers and wishes were to no use, his grip on my waist intensified as I felt the bruises and injuries his nails were causing. I shook my head and he covered my mouth with his icy cold hands to stop my pleading screams. I swallowed and I felt my heart beat out of my chest out of fear._

_Is this it?_

_"Look at me."_

_I didn't comply. He violently shook me and in an instant I felt his weight on top of me. I whimpered and the tears quickly rolled down my cheek. One after the other, I didn't dare to open my eyes, not even for one glimpse of the nightmare that could kill me if he wanted to. His nails dug deep into my skin, my body was unable to move and I couldn't fight him back even if I tried to. His hand was still covering my mouth and his repulsive smell lingered, stealing all that air away from me._

_"Look at me!"_

_I gasped as I felt his freezing hands wrap around my neck and squeezed the air out of me. I opened my eyes at the unexpected action. Lifeless brown met rigid and hungry brown. I tried kicking him on his groin but he had me in a lock. I was immobile. In an attempt to escape from his hold, I clutched his wrist. But he overpowered me. He was killing me, choking me until my lungs can no longer function._

_Where's my lifeline?_

_I gave up. I couldn't get out of this even I attempted to do so. This is it. I let go of his wrists and he tightened his hold on my throat. I closed my eyes and waited for this nightmare to be over._

_Take me away. Save me._

_Then I heard a distant sound. Like someone was calling my name and it sounded so foreign but yet so painfully familiar. I tried to decipher who it was. The yelling was constant and I felt like it was reaching for me. And it did, I was soon wrapped around strong pair of arms, stroking me in a caressing manner, reassuring me everything will be okay. He was warm and I wanted to stay like that until the end. But my time was up. I was back into my nightmare. My lungs were begging for air and I had none to give it. And slowly I'm fading. I heard the frantic and desperate call of my name again. This time I did open my eyes._

In an instant, I am up and panting for air. I clutch my hair and try to contain the whimpers. I let out muffle cries as tears gently flowed down. I swallowed and shook my head trying to forget about everything. About this nightmare.

It's just a dream… It's just a dream.

It's not real, it didn't happen. He is gone and can never hurt us again. He can't…

I bend my knees, and bring them close to my body. I wrap my arms around them and press my forehead on my forearm. Rocking back and forth, as my body trembles as the constant memories of him and all the pain he inflicted came rushing back.

No. No. No. No more.

And suddenly I am the same fourteen years old crying in her room to stop all of this; broken and lost.

But that's the problem. I was never healed in the first place.

* * *

_**One Day Later (Saturday)**_

"Honey you should eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

I clutched the fork in my hand and stabbed the pork with it. I heard my mother heave a sigh and placed her utensils on the plate. She cleared her throat in authority and I reluctantly looked up at her, forcing myself to meet her concerned gaze. I pressed my lips together and she shook her head.

"What's wrong?"

I shrugged. "Nothing… I'm just not hungry."

It was all of the sudden tense. I leaned back in my chair and took the fork out of the piece of meat. I grabbed the butter knife and sloppily cut a small piece. I popped it into my mouth and forcedly ate the content. I chewed, and swallowed the now tasteless meat. I met her gaze again and she looked at me with a pained expression. Her eyes were glossy and she pushed back her plate. She shook her head in an unsatisfied manner. I, eyes cast down, stared at my hands turning into fists.

"Honey… are you having nightmares again?"

My mouth parted slightly but I closed back again. I laughed nervously and avoided her gaze. She stood up from her seat and walked over to me. She gently kneeled down and looked up at me. I smiled weakly and she smiled back.

"We're okay… right?"

I looked at her eyes waiting for any hesitation or doubts. But she continued smiling.

"He can't hurt us any more… right?"

I felt a tear rolled down my cheek. Even after all these years, I'm still left… broken. I wiped the tear away and my mom just looked at me. Her smile was still there, not fading anytime soon.

"He-he will never come back… He can't touch us no more. Because he's where he belongs and-and I-I-we don't have to go through all of that all over again."

Silence followed and she still didn't say anything. I wanted her kind and soothing words reassuring me that everything is okay. That we're okay. But she didn't, instead she continued to look at me.

"Right mom? It's all over. We can finally be… happy? Yeah… we can finally live and make up all those years of-of pain and hurt and-and-we-"

I felt her arms softly wrap around my trembling body. A soft whimper escaped and quickly embraced her back. Her hold on my small figure tightened and I smiled through the endless stream of tears as she whispered.

"Right. He can't hurt us no more."

* * *

_**Next Day (Sunday)**_

I walked down the sidewalk and ignored everything. I continued my slow pace and ignored everything. I placed my hands on the pockets of my white hoodie. I took careful steps and blocked the remarks of the passersby. I down casted my eyes and bit my lips. The nightmares are coming back. Even though he is gone for good, he still finds a way to torture me. He comes back haunting me through my dreams. It all consists of restless nights and/or waking up screaming at the vivid images of him and all that he has done. Nightmares after nightmares. When is it all going to end?

When can I finally be able to fall back asleep and not have his revolting memory?

Why can't I heal all these wounds and broken dreams?

I took a deep breath and continued walking. Don't think about it. Let it go. Let it all go. That's all I have to do. Forget about it all. But I can't… It's too much pain. It's too much misery and I don't know how get out of it. I'm supposed to be fine. He's finally out of my life and I'm supposed to be saved. But why… why do I keep feeling like this?

I swallowed all my tears away and continued walking.

I can't save myself.

My hands went straight to my empty stomach as I felt it growl from hunger. I clutched the jacket and stopped walking. I closed my eyes. Please. Please. I can't take it no more. All those dreams, all those memories. Someone take them away. I was interrupted from my trance as I felt something vibrate in my back pocket. I took it out and looked at the screen staring at the unrecognizable number. I hesitantly picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

I tried to decipher whose voice it was. But I had no idea who it could be. "Hi… who's this?"

"You forgot about me already?"

"I don't know-"

"Turn around."

The person hung up and I slowly complied. I was completely taken aback as I met his sparkling brown eyes. He had a million dollar smile and he quickly walked over to me. I looked to each side nervously as I must look like a wreck right now.

But when did I care about that?

He's smile was still on his face as he stood in front of me. He gently caressed my cheek, a gesture that he is only able to do. He is the only one that I allow to even get close to me. Nonetheless, touch me. I have been always been paranoid about little things, from loud noises to a person accidentally touching me. I have been like this since Trent. But Eddie… he just brings all of that down. And I feel completely at ease when he's around. He pulled strand of hair back to my ear and gently grabbed my waist, bringing me into a sweet embrace. I melted into his arms and inhaled his intoxicating scent. When I realized just what I was doing, I pushed him away and got out of his hold. He scratched his head and I avoided his gaze.

"Hey beautiful."

I smiled but did not dare to look at him. He stepped closer once again and this time he didn't pull me to him. Instead, he intertwined his hands around mine and signaled in front of him for a walk. I didn't even have time to protest before he dragged me to the direction he was headed to. I groaned and he chuckled.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

He smiled.

"You know… Chloe Carter?"

"Chloe who?"

"That blonde chick from the other day."

"Oh her? She's history. I told you I would break up with her."

"Why?"

"I met someone else…" He looked at me and slowed down our pace. His hold on my hand tightened as he gently pulled me closer to his side, making our arms touch. I looked at him curiously. There was a small tint of red on his cheeks. His eyes looked at me as his lips twitched upward.

"Really? Who?"

He cleared his throat and he laughed nervously. His grip on my hand stopped blood from circulating there and he scratched his head. I assume he is either nervous or can't seem to know what to say. He settled down with sighing, smiling and not looking at me.

"You'll know… soon."

"Oh so mystery girl?"

"Something like that."

And that was that. We continued walking at a slow steady pace, and I slip my hands away from his as he had loosened his death grip. I put them on my pocket and Eddie nodded in… disappointment? Can't be right? I stared ahead of me.

"What are you doing for Valentines?"

I raised an eyebrow at his sudden question. "Um nothing."

"Really?"

"No. I'm the most socially inept person alive."

"Not even a secret admirer?"

I snorted. "Not even one of those. I bet you get a lot of those Eddie Duran."

"Well Loren Tate, I know for sure you have guys begging on their knees for you to give them a chance."

"Why would you think that?"

"Must I state this again? Because… you're beautiful."

I smiled bitterly. Again with this? "Yeah right." Eddie stopped in his track and looked at me for a moment. I looked over at him curiously and he deliberated on something. He shook his head and dragged me to the clothing store. We entered and he pushed me to the dressing rooms.

"Eddie what are-"

He spun me around and I blinked a couple of times to only find myself looking at me. Eddie stepped to the side, crossed his arms and looked at me intently. I sighed and stared at my reflection on the mirror.

"Look at yourself on the mirror. Look at every part. I want you to dig deep and tell me what you see."

I averted my gaze to him and he smiled sweetly at me. I let out an exasperated sigh and shrugged as I studied myself. From my oversized hoodie to my red converse. To my straight brunette hair, to my hazel eyes, to my pale face. To my capris.

"I see a girl… who needs to start eating more. I see someone who-"

I can't do this. I shook my head and bit my lip. Eyes cast down; I looked at Eddie's shoes positioned in front of mine.

"Hey look at me."

He cupped my cheeks and lifted my face up, and I met his eyes. He smiled.

"You want to know what I see?"

I shook my head but he continued. I prepared myself for the worst.

"I see someone who has gone through a lot… I see someone who is lost… confused and in the most inevitable way… hurt. This someone has been fighting… for too long and she's slowly fading. She's loosing herself and she doesn't know how to get back up. She doesn't know where to start from. I see someone strong, who has had enough but at the same vulnerable and at the peak of cracking. I see someone broken. I see all of these but… I also see someone beautiful. When she smiles, which is seldom, there's a light in her eyes that captivates anyone. Her smile is one of a kind and enchanting. Her laugh is priceless because you know she's not hurting at that moment. I see someone beautiful but she doesn't see it… She doesn't see what I see."

Millions of thoughts ran through my mind. Millions of fears are rushing back. But hope… hope is slowly igniting within me. And as we stand there, him gently caressing my cheeks, I clutching his shirt and a few centimeters separating us, I feel like I can be saved after all.

Tell me about… how to save a life.

* * *

**_Next Day (Monday)_**

"Get in the car!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm picking you up so we can go to school…"

"How do you know where I live?"

I stared at Melissa's brown eyes as she smiled sheepishly. She simply shrugged and patted the passenger seat. I twitched as she coaxed me to hurry up. Sighing, I walked towards her car. I opened the door and silently got in. She drove away and I scrutinized her oddly giddy behavior. She's too excited, more than normal. As soon as she stopped in the red sign, she quickly turned to me and let out a high pitch squirm. I flinched and she couldn't hold it anymore and began rambling. I laughed amused as she tried to catch her breath between her obscurities.

"Melissa."

"And I just can't wait…"

"Mel?"

"Oh this is so going be fun!"

"Melissa!"

"Loren. You're going to have the time of your life."

The light turned green and she began driving. "Okay…? Care to explain how and why?"

"Two words: Eddie. Duran. Concert."

"That's three actually."

"Whatever! You're missing the point."

"Which is?"

"We're going to have the privilege to see him in concert live."

"Didn't he finish his world tour already?"

"Oh yeah. Well this is like a mini concert he is giving in his Dad's club two weeks from now. And it's all ages! I already have the tickets. I bought them today. I had them preordered. So missy you cost me $150. But it'll be so worth it."

I ran a hand through my hair. "What if I don't feel like going?" Melissa snorted at my question and laughed mockingly. "Oh but you're still coming. I already bought the tickets with the intention for both of us to go. So it's not a matter of wanting to come, either way you're still coming to see Eddie Duran and his hotness."

I didn't argue anymore. What for? When Melissa wants something, she gets it. So what's the point of putting a fight when you know she'll win regardless of what you say? The car ride became quiet and I touched the jewel of my necklace with delicacy. I lifted up the heart shaped silver and gently felt the small diamond engraved on it. The necklace Eddie gave me. I smiled at the memory of our encounter after two long years. Then yesterday…. His laugh and his smile captivated me and I wanted to see him again. I bit my lip and continued playing with the necklace. My mind wondered of to thoughts that I would've never imagined myself.

Love?

What is that?

Or just having a simple crush? First kiss? First time? What is it to fall in love? Is it painful and does it only bring heartache and hurt? Or is just like how it is describes on those teen-angst romance novels? Unexpected, no words can describe and it brings both pain and happiness? I guess I'll never know, I'm not meant for anything like this. Happy endings. What is that?

Eddie… The one who could only make me feel like there's still hope for me. For this broken girl.

I rapidly shook the thoughts away. What the hell am I thinking?

"That's a cute necklace."

"Hm yeah…"

"Who gave it to you?"

I smiled a small one as I felt my face heat up at the image of him. "Eddie."

"Duran?"

Melissa choked. I nodded and let go of the heart. Melissa kept driving but she looked at me from the corner of her eyes looking at me in disbelief. "You met him? When?"

I shrugged. "Like two and half years ago… And again two days ago at the mall. And then… yesterday…"

"He was at the mall? Damn. I missed him… But he gave you that necklace?"

"Yeah… It's his mom-"

"He gave you his mom's necklace to a possibly complete stranger."

"I didn't want to take it… but he basically put it on me…"

"Wow… Eddie Duran and you."

She turned quiet all of the sudden. "What's wrong?"

"Well it's completely beyond my knowledge as to why this doesn't bother you. Loren, Eddie gave his mother's necklace to a girl who he has only met briefly four times."

"He said Happy Valentines when he gave it to me…"

"So he declared you as his Valentine which is in four days indirectly and you're oblivious to it?"

"What?"

"Loren Tate you're Eddie's Valentines."

**_ How to Save a Life_**** by the Fray. Gah. I love you guys for sticking up with me since the beginning and to new readers I love you too :) Reviews are nice ;) **


	3. WonderWall

**_WonderWall_**

P.E. is long forgotten. Chemistry was a haze. I spent lunch in the library. And oddly enough Melissa still has her suspicions that Eddie Duran is my Valentine. It was comical at first, but it can't seem right. Why would I be his Valentine? Does he even think about these uneventful and stereotypical days? And anyways, why would he choose me? Nothing right about an international rockstar being interested over the broken Valley Girl. Well, to be honest, nothing in life is right. And I always go back to this: why did he give me his mother's precious necklace. I know she had died in a car accident and I know her death was rough on the Duran's. So why give me this astonishingly beautiful jewelry which means so much to him?

I sighed and vanished all these thoughts away. Instead of focusing of my non-existent love or social life, I concentrated on something more interesting and down-right fun. Calculus. The joy. I skimmed through the pages of the textbook and when I finally decided that I didn't need to go over anything more. I closed the book and stuffed it in my book bag. Running a hand through my hair, I stared at the distant and looked over at a couple. They were, in the most innocent way, having an intimate moment in public. That's if you call the boy pinning the girl on the wall and hands wondering off everywhere innocent nowadays. I averted my eyes and completely ignored them as I began to take in my surroundings. The school campus was deserted with the exception of the couple and I. Where's everyone? I took my phone out of my side pocket and looked at the time.

Shit, I'm late for last block. I groaned in frustration and picked up all my belongings. Apparently, due to my internal turmoil, I had lost track of time, therefore I am late to math. I tugged my black tee before quietly entering the classroom. As soon as the door closed behind me, 21 pair of eyes were on me. Ms. Fitz sighed and pointed to an empty seat.

"Go sit down Ms. Tate."

I nodded apologetically and walked towards the table. "Thank you."

"Don't let it happen again."

I sat on the chair and began taking out my binder. I felt blue eyes looking at me curiously. I spare a glance to the guy sitting next to me and nodded. He flashed me smile and I saw how perfectly beautiful his smile is. He placed his pencil down and pushed his chair closer to mine. In response, I leaned away from him. He shook his head and his smile was unfazed.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

I cringed at his words. Of course not. I sighed and shrugged. He looked at the teacher and as soon as she turned around to write something on the board. He leaned closer and whispered. "I'm Cameron." I nodded. "Yeah I know."

"Are you okay?"

I smiled. "Why the sudden question?"

"I don't know… it's just that I've wanted to talk to you for a long time but… you distance yourself…"

I felt something vibrate in my back pocket. I ignored it hoping it would go away. It didn't.

"…I guess I've never had the opportunity-"

I smiled out of politeness and my phone wouldn't stop. I heard the teacher heave a sigh and she walked over to me as her heels advertised me. Cameron stopped talking and I looked nervously at her. She pointed to the door.

"Ms. Tate if you have business to attend to, go outside and answer your damn phone."

I nodded and quickly got up. I was exiting when I noticed Melissa point to a heart shape pink paper. LT+ED was written on it. I shot her a glare and shut the door quietly behind me. I took out my vibrating phone, glanced at the screen and groaned at the name flashing constantly. I clicked answer.

"What do you want Eddie?"

My voice came out harsher than I intended.

_"To talk to you… did I call in a bad time?"_

"Yes actually."

_"Oh… Sorry I just wanted to talk to you."_

"Me? Can't you call anybody else?"

_"Nah they're not as interesting as you."_

I laughed mockingly and leaned on the wall.

"What do you want?"

_"Hm to see you again. I miss you."_

"You saw me yesterday."

_"Exactly, it's been twenty-four hours since I last saw your beautiful face. And I have the need to see it again. To see you again."_

"I'm at school right now."

_"So. Ditch. I'm coming for you. I'll be there in a bit."_

"No. I have an important class right now and because of you I am missing valuable time."

_"But I'm missing you. It's a matter of life and death here. And only you and gorgeous self can save me."_

"Eddie no."

_"But why not."_

I grew impatient at his determination. Why does he want to see me anyways? How much interesting can a girl like me be? I began walking back and forth as the seconds passed by. I heard Eddie sigh.

_"So can I come for you?"_

"No."

_"Too late I'm already here."_

"How do you even know where my school is? You better not be stalking me? Well I guess you'll have to wait then. Because I still have an hour before the last bell rings and I already have a ride home."

_"I'm not stalking you. Loren why-"_

I hung up and placed the phone back on my pocket. Irritated at his persistence, I walked back into the room. Cameron cheerfully smiled at me and I nodded. Ms. Fitz completely ignored me as I sat down on the chair and began paying attention to what she was lecturing on. I sensed Cameron's gaze on me.

"You didn't miss much."

I bit my lip and leaned back on the chair. I looked back at Melissa and she had a mischievous glint in her eyes. She scribbled something down on her paper. She's up to something. I turned back around and stared off at the window. Maybe it was wrong to just hang up on him like that… Maybe I should call him back and get out of here. I shouldn't… Aggravated to all that meeting Eddie has brought, I sighed and cleared my head from anything that has to do with him.

I can't get attached to him. I don't know why, but I shouldn't.

* * *

**_Next Day (Tuesday)_**

I feel all my blood drain out of me as I instantly sit up from my bed. I grab anything that's within rich and clutch it close to my body. I pant for air and sweat slowly drips down my forehead. I swallowed hard and try to catch my breath. I look everywhere and all I see is dark. Quickly, I turn on the lights and the entire room illuminates. And suddenly I feel at ease.

It's just a nightmare.

I tell myself over and over. It's just a nightmare. It's not real. I close my eyes and attempt to extinguish all the burning flames this dream has left. But instead of dispersing, they do the complete opposite. The horrifying scenes come rushing back to quickly, to fast, hitting me like a lightning bolt. I began to panic and before I know it, I'm up and walking frantically around my room. Agitated, I ran a hand through my hair.

Please no more of this. Without thinking I snatch my phone from the nightstand and began dialing the first person who came to mind. Before realization struck me what I have done, he answered.

_"Loren?"_

I stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Simultaneously, I racked up my brain and thought of what to say. Silence followed and all I heard was my beating heart. Why did I call him out of all people?

_"Loren are you okay?"_

Eddie's groggy and sleepy tone changed instantly in alert and concern. I swallowed and shook my head.

"Yeah I-I'm fine…"

_"It's five in the morning Loren… Are you sure everything is okay?"_

I sat on my bed and smiled dejectedly. Him… why him?

"Yeah everything is fine. I just had one of those freaky dreams you know and I couldn't get it out of my head… So I called you- I'm sorry I did it without thinking. I wasn't conscious of the fact that it's really early and I-"

_"Loren it's okay. I'm glad that I'm the first person who came to mind."_

I sighed in relief. Eddie was quiet for a moment.

_"You want to talk about it?"_

I down casted my eyes and bit my lip. "No… It's nothing really." He sighed and I stood up. "Sorry for waking you up. You probably hate me right now so I'll be going now-"

_"Don't hang up on me again. I'm still in a fragile state after you cut me off."_

I giggled. My eyes widened at the light laughter that escaped my mouth. Eddie sighed in relief and I lay on my bed. I guess I'm all better now. The nightmare is long forgotten as I become indulge in our conversation.

"Sorry about that…"

_"So do you have the power of invisibility or something?"_

"Why would you ask that?"

_"Well let's just say that I waited for you after school-"_

"You actually waited for me?"

_"Of course, I told you I needed to see you again. But I didn't because you somehow disappeared and to my disappointment I waited an hour for you to only have you not come out."_

"I left through the back."

_"Ah you know what, I forgot to check there."_

I giggled again and curled up, bringing my knees up. Without even trying to, he made me a hundred times better.

_"Loren?"_

"Hm?"

_"It's nice hearing you laugh."_

I smiled and I know for sure my face was blushing. I placed strands of hair behind my ear and pressed my lips together to stop my smile. Damn him.

"I-Thank you… Hey Um I gotta go."

_"School right?"_

"Yeah… My alarm is about to go off any second now…"

_"Okay. It was nice talking to you… Hope to see you soon."_

"Me too. Bye Eddie."

_"Bye Beautiful."_

I clicked end call. And rolled on my bed. My face temperature increased dramatically and my heart was beating rapidly. All these new feelings... they're so foreign.

Oh this is not good.

* * *

**_7:00 a.m._**

"You don't have to go to school if you don't feel like it."

My gaze averted to my mother as she set a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of me. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at me suggestively. I grabbed the fork and took a bite out of the eggs. She smiled in approval and sat down on the chair diagonal to mine.

"Shouldn't you be enforcing me to actually go to school and not the latter?"

"You look like crap."

"Sheesh thank you."

"You know I don't mean it like that. You just look like you need some rest so take the day off."

"I just haven't been able to sleep properly these past few days…"

"I know… Stay home today okay?"

I took a small sip of juice and shook my head. "I can't. I'll get bored doing nothing here. At least school distracts me from certain things."

"Okay… I still think you need that rest. If you feel sick today call me okay. I'll be there the minute you call me. Now eat. I don't want you passing out." She pushed the plate forward and I complied as I took small bites.

* * *

"So are you still up for Friday?"

"Chick-flicks and chocolate… doesn't sound tempting to me."

"What c'mon I already have all of Ryan Gosling's movies ordered and I made Adam buy me boxes of chocolate. All I need is you. At your house. On Valentine's day."

"Why can't you grieve over how you have no love life by yourself and stop dragging me into things I don't feel like doing?"

"Because you need to lighten up. You're like a stiff pole with no emotions. And it's my goal of a lifetime to change that. That's what best friends are for."

"Best friends?"

"Aha. Best friends."

I smiled and Melissa nudged my arm. She laughed as we continued walking down the cement ground. I looked at her curiously and she pointed forward.

"Look your Valentine's just can't keep himself away from you."

My pale hazel eyes met his sparkling ones. He smiled at me warmly and before walking up to me he signed a girl's notepad. I stopped dead on my tracks and Melissa contained her squirms. Eddie walked over to me and not a time wasted, I was in his arms. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around his torso as his were tightly around my much too small back. I contemplated the fact that today I decided to wear one of the dresses Melissa made me buy. I felt so miniscule, so tiny when he had me like this. We slowly pulled apart and his million dollar smile was still etched on his face. I smiled weakly as he gently caressed my cheek before putting his hand back to his side.

"Hey beautiful."

"When are you going to stop calling me that?"

He chuckled and raised his eyebrows. "Never. So get used to it."

I shook my head and he offered his hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting you out of here."

"Why?"

"Because you owe me for yesterday. Do you know how agonizing it is waiting an hour here?"

"No one told you to wait for me."

"Yeah but I don't regret it. You're worth it."

He winked at me and I blushed. Ah shit.

"So you're coming."

"Don't I have a say in this?"

"No. So let's go because I'm already wasting precious time of spending the entire day with you."

"The entire day?"

"Yeah. C'mon."

He dragged me to his car and I felt all kind of stares. From astonished, to jealousy, to incredulous, to glares. I looked back at Melissa and she waved at me with a smile on her face. Eddie opened the door and I slowly got in. He entered right after me and closed the door. I took in my surroundings and sighed. He grabbed my hand and held them in between his.

"I was worried about you. This morning you-"

"I told you I was fine."

"I wanted to make sure you were. And I also needed an excuse to see you again."

He let my hand go and his lips twitched upward. I stopped breathing and millions of thoughts rushed back confusing me.

What am I getting myself into?

* * *

**You'll love/hate Eddie at some parts. I hope you enjoyed it. Song I've been listening to since the sun rose: Wo****_nderWall _****by Oasis. I'm deeply fond of this song and you should listen to it :). **


	4. Absolutely Story of A Girl

**Absolutely Story of a Girl**

His eyes follow every movement I took. I sighed in frustration and looked up to meet his concerned filled gaze. He propped his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his knuckles. I avoided his scrutinizing stare and grew uncomfortable. My eyes casted down to my dress and I clenched the hem of the light pink strapless dress to detract my mind from his worried glances. I heard him heave a sigh and push my plate forward. I stared at the Belgian waffles accompanied with hash browns and scrambled eggs. I clutched my churning stomach under the table and shrugged.

"Eat Loren."

Eddie's cracked and choked up voice cause me to instantly look at him. I was left astounded by his pained expression as he had lightly leaned in. I blinked a couple of times before smiling weakly. I shook my head. "I'm not hungry." I placed my hands on the table and played with the small decorative florets. My smile faded and Eddie's gaze never ceased to divert from me.

"Loren…"

I felt commodity and warmth immerse in me as he gently placed his hand on top of mine. He gave it a soft squeeze and stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. Stunned at the pleasantness that overpowered me with just one simple touch, I slowly gazed off into his brown eyes. He gave me a smile and I allowed myself to reciprocate it. He didn't move his hand and it rested on top of mine as his eyes were pleading me.

"For me."

My lips formed into a straight line as I sighed in defeat, with my free hand I picked up the fork and slowly took a bite of the waffle. I tasted the thick, crisp and sugary waffle. I slowly swallowed and Eddie nodded with the smile still engraved on his face. I continued eating the food in front of me; my stomach was slowly filling up. Eddie's hand never left mine and I felt his sweet caresses. He chuckled lightly and I stared at our hands. His eyes followed the same trial and he swiftly pulled away. Scratching the back of his head, his cheek turned a rosy tint. I disregarded this and continued eating.

"How did you know what school I go to?"

"I've got people for that."

"Oh okay. Don't want to think you're stalking me."

"I'm not."

I placed the fork down and looked over at him. "Why are you so persistent in spending time with me?"

He kept quiet and instead, stared at me. I waited impatiently for his answer. When he didn't respond I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't understand-"

"I want to know who you are."

My eyes widened but soon distressed and I let an exasperated sigh escape. A bitter smile appeared on my features and I evaded Eddie's gaze.

"But you know me already."

"I don't. Not at all."

Eddie leaned forward and I felt the small shivers run down my spine as I felt his hands grasped both of mine and brought them to his lips. He lightly planted a kiss on them before letting them go.

"I just want to learn all your secrets, all your dreams, all your fears. I want to know you."

"That's a little creepy."

I clasped my hands together and bit my bottom lip.

"Maybe. But- I don't know. I just get this feeling that I need to know who you are."

"I'm Loren Tate. An Eighteen year old senior."

He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "Not your name. Not your appearance. Not what school you go to or who you hang out with but you. You and your story."

"My story?"

"Your story."

I leaned back on the chair and nibbled on the piece of toasted bread. I crumpled a piece while Eddie looked intently at me. Silence overwhelmed us and nothing was spoken between us, except the chattering and blatant commotion surrounding both of us. But we were both oblivious to it as we tuned it all out and focused on each other.

"So Loren Tate what is your story?"

"My story…" I sighed and my eyes casted down to the empty plate. I smiled reluctantly as I looked at my reflection on the metallic creases surrounding the silverware. Painful memories flashed back and I shook them away. "My story is my story."

Eddie sighed in disapproval. "I'm not giving up you know…"

"It's better if you don't know."

"Loren-"

"And what's your story?"

"Well that's not fair is it? I'll tell you mine when you tell me yours."

"Then I guess we're not meant to learn each other's story."

Eddie unwillingly let it go but shot me a warning glare. I shrugged it off and began to take in my surroundings. I found myself in the middle of an overcrowded restaurant filled with Hollywood's most vile and wealthiest. I carefully studied some of the woman as they couldn't keep their eyes away from Eddie. They're beautiful, impeccable beings who obviously used their body to their advantage as their mid length, tight dresses showed. I heard the hush and rushed gossip between them as they would shoot me glares.

And I felt so out of place.

An outsider. I don't fit in here. I belong in my house, with my mother and my room where I escape everything. But it's also there where the nightmares rapidly unfold and take me captive in the haunting misery that Trent left behind. But I don't fit in here at all. Not with all the glamour and the exposed perfectness that these people are showing off. What am I doing here?

"Mr. Duran?"

I was taken away from my tumult as the raspy and faked sweetness grasped me out of it. I looked up to a pretty blonde with ten layers of makeup smiled provocatively at Eddie. She leaned down, too much if you asked me and turned all her attention to Eddie. Completely ignoring me. I grew small and non-existent. I bit my lip and I watched as smiled politely at her.

"Do you need anything else?"

Eddie shook his head and turned to look at me. He grinned. "Loren?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

Our eyes never left each other; we became indefinitely lost with each other. But it was all put in an abrupt stop when the waiter cleared her throat. We both warily looked at her. She shot me a dagger before feign her sweet smile to Eddie. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Check please." She looked between us before nodding disappointedly and leaving rapidly. Eddie took his phone out and I leaned back on the chair. I picked up one of the flowers and a smile formed on my face as I looked at the intricate designs.

I heard an obnoxious shutter coming before me. Looking up, I pressed my eyebrows together as I stared at Eddie looking at his screen. He chuckled lightly before a small smile formed on his face.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

He quickly put his phone down and smiled nervously. I raised my eyebrow and shook my head in disbelief.

"You creep. Give me your phone."

"No."

I tried snatching it from the table, but he was faster and grabbed it before I did. I pouted and kicked his leg. At the sudden pang of pain that arose on his leg, he dropped his phone and I clutched his phone before he did. I turned the phone over and looked at the picture. I stared at the screen and bit my lip as it's the first time that I look at a picture of me since years. Complete sadness is all over my features even with the small smile lingering, sorrow is evident. I restrained the frown and Eddie lifts my chin up with his finger. His brown orbs stared concerning at me. I shake my head.

"Absolutely story of a girl who looks sad in photographs."

I state before giving him back his phone. He takes it and nods. The woman came back with a small, black envelope. She placed it on the table and spared me another glare. I gave her the slightest of my attention before looking back at Eddie. He gave her his credit card and after she left. Time seemed endless. Eddie sighed and I felt his eyes look at me with outmost determination.

"I'll change that."

And I hung on to those words as if it were my lifeline. The only thing that can save me.

* * *

"Hi mom."

"Oh you're home early. You didn't go to school?"

"I did but I was kind off taken away from it."

"What?"

"I spent my morning with Eddie Duran."

My mom placed a hand on her hips and raised her eyebrows. I flipped through the pages of my book as she discreetly looked at me. "Oh you're serious." I nodded and she sat down. "So…. mind telling me how you know Eddie Duran?"

"We met a couple years back."

"Oh. Loren I-"

I sighed and closed the book. I stood up and walked towards my room. "Don't worry. He's not going to be around me long."

I entered the room and shut the door. I walked to my bed and laid on it. His words were replaying in the back of my head and I tried to extinguish any hope that arose from his words. Closing my eyes, I listened intently to my breathing. And soon his words made its way back.

_I'll change that. I'll change that._

_I'll change that…_

* * *

**Eddie, I love you. I hope you liked it. Song to listen to: Absolutely(Story of A girl) by Nine Days. **

**Shoutout: To Tree Pedophile and Furry Terrorists. I salute you my Creeplandians queens.**


	5. Fix You

**_Fix You_**

**_Next Day (Wednesday)_**

Sometimes what you think is the best for you is not. Sometimes what you need is not what you think. And maybe all that is necessary to calm you down is the soothing voice and knowledge that you're not completely alone. That you don't have to fight the everlasting battle all by yourself. And this is all I need right now. His soft and sweet voice trying to comfort me.

Small drips of sweat are slowly flowing down my forehead and I feel my heart beat out of my chest. Another nightmare. The vivid images rehash. Each time vigorous. Each time intolerable. I attempt to swallow all my fears, all the torment the images have brought. But they come back, powerful than before. My body trembles and I find myself trying to restrain the tears and the muffled cries. And the only thing that can bring me back to sanity is his voice. Oh the genuine kindness.

_"Breathe…"_

I clench my teeth and slowly try to relax my whole being. I clutch the phone and leisurely inhaled and exhaled. I listened intently to his controlled breathing as he patiently waited for me to repose. I shook my head and embraced my knees closer to my body as I found the floor frigid. I grasped my legs and hugged them tighter. Eddie sighed and I continuously bang my head softly on the wall.

_"Loren-"_

"Another nightmare."

I cut him off and bit the tip of my thumb. I nibbled on it and felt the bitter taste of blood spread inside my mouth. I spit it out and wiped my thumb on my shirt. My head stopped crashing against the wall. "_Loren you're worrying me… What's wrong?"_

"Nothing… I just can't sleep."

I down casted my eyes and the darkness engulfed me. All lights were off, curtains completely closed and I shut my eyes, afraid that any moment now, all my nightmares will become reality. I am left distraught as my imagination and fears create shadows hiding behind the darkness. At any instant, Trent will be pinning me down on the wall, choking me to death and I can't be saved.

_"That's not it, is it? What are you holding back?"_

Everything.

"I'm not holding anything back. I just needed someone to talk to…"

_"Let me help you."_

I let the sincerity in his words sink in as his breathing hitched and I got the feeling that he truly means everything he says. _"This is not just some simple nightmare that has you calling me at 4:30 in the morning, Loren. Please… tell me what's wrong."_

Looking up in front of me, I was again taken captive by the pool of darkness. "I'm sorry…" I muttered.

_"Why are you apologizing?"_

"For calling you at this hour… I just- You're the only one that came to mind and I-I don't really have anyone else to talk to…"

Eddie sighed. _"If you ever need to talk, I'll be here. I don't care what time you call me or what the reason may be. Just hit me up and I'll be ready to help in any way I can or just listen… But… the only way I can do so is if you tell me what's wrong. I'm at a loss right now and I want to help you but I don't know how…"_

A small smile lingered and I carefully stood up. "All I need right now is someone to lean on for a while… Thank you Eddie you're a good-"I looked down and thought of what to say. The smile widened. "Friend."

Because that's what we are right? Friends.

_"Yeah. Friends help other friends."_

Eddie said in a hushed monotone voice. I nodded and walked towards my bed. The rigid cold floor sent shivers down my spine and I sighed in satisfaction as I lay on my bed. I pulled the covers up and found instant warmth. I lay there, intently listening to his soft intakes of breath as it's the only thing that can calm me down. I slowly exhaled and inhaled. Eddie sighed.

_"I'm not giving up."_

"On what?"

_"You."_

I closed my eyes and he exhaled.

_"You'll gradually open up to me and I'll learn everything about you… I will definitely help you Loren. You may be skeptical at first and afraid… but hold on to this promise; I will help you."_

I held my breath and bit my bottom lip. Sullenness followed.

"Bye Eddie."

He exhaled. _"Bye Loren."_

I hanged up and placed the phone on my chest. I grasped it and opened my eyes to only find myself surrounded by an abyss of total blackness.

I called him again. I woke up with the tormenting images beholding me and I automatically thought of him and only him. And as soon as I heard his voice, a wave of relief engulfed me. All the harrowing illusions of Trent were soon replaced by him and his worried face. It's like he is the only one who can bring me back. The only one who can save me and I can't let this continue. I looked up at the ceiling. Complete obscurity.

I cannot in any way become attach to him. I just can't…

* * *

I was buttoning my navy blue cardigan when I heard the blaring laughter trailing from the living room to my room. Groaning as I immediately recognize who the boisterous laughter belonged to. I trudged to the kitchen and I watched my mom attentively talked to the resonant owner.

"What are you doing here?"

"Good morning to you too."

I strolled past them and took a plate from the cabinet.

"Morning honey."

I turned to my mom and she smiled at me. I reciprocated it and Melissa waved her fork. I sat on the chair opposite to her; I popped a piece of the omelet in my mouth and chewed slowly. I sensed a pair of eyes observing me intently. I looked up to Melissa and placed her fork on the plate.

"Do you hate me or something?"

"Yes."

"Jesus Loren…" My mom shot me a warning glared then smiled apologetically to Melissa. "She doesn't mean it."

"Actually I do."

I stated and my mom shook her head. Melissa smiled. "She loves me. And if she doesn't she will soon warm up to me. Right Loren?"

"Right."

I took another piece of my food and my mom looked between us.

"So how was your date?"

"It wasn't a date."

"The pictures tell me otherwise. They went viral and rumors are already spreading."

"What pictures?"

I took a sip of the juice and waited for Melissa. Of course pictures would be taken. He's Eddie Duran who's followed by paparazzi everywhere, waiting what his next movement is. Of course, he would be caught hanging out with valley girl. I wonder how he took it… I continued eating the omelet. I was halfway. Melissa took her phone out. "You want to see them?"

I deliberated for a moment and then shook my head. Mel frowned but let it go.

"Wait, I want to see them."

I averted my gaze to my mom and Mel handed her phone to her. She took it and scrutinized the pictures. Her eyebrows pressed together as she scrolled pass the endless array of pictures. Apparently there are a lot. After a few moments she returned the phone to Mel and looked down at her plate. She spared me a glance and I looked intently at her reaction. She simply shrugged and took a gulp out of her coffee. Mel leaned back and smiled suggestively at me. I disdained her and she pouted. I felt eyes gazing at me and I looked up to see my mom staring at something on my chest. I looked down and noticed the shinning necklace.

"That's a beautiful necklace… Where did you get it?"

"Someone gave it to me."

I stabbed the last piece of the omelet with the fork and evaded her questioning gaze.

"Who?"

"Eddie Duran."

My mom stood quiet and I nodded. "Yeah…" Mel cleared her throat and I met her mischievous glint in her eyes. I dismissed whatever she was signaling me and ate the last piece. My mom looked between us but shook her head brushing off our telepathic messages. Her eyes then landed on me and a smile began to form. Melissa grinned proudly and I raised an eyebrow at them, averting my gaze to the other.

"You're eating."

I looked down at the empty plate and shrugged. "I guess I am."

* * *

The excruciating and grievous feeling that this distressing moment has brought is making me uncomfortable and oddly I want to get to P.E. now.

I walked through the hallway with ease as everyone made way for Melissa and me. The snickering and daggers being shot at me from every possible direction. I swallowed as some of the girls are glaring at me. I clutch on Melissa arm as we stroll down the hallway and the other students can't keep their eyes away from us. Can they mind their own business? Melissa waved their aloof remarks off and I did what I know what to do best; paid no attention to all their hostility. We are the most hated duo in this school after all.

Our way to the gym was blocked as Adrianna Masters stood a few meters in front of us. She placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at us. Her blue-green eyes showed malevolence and repulsion. We're not wanted and she is damn showing it. Her long-sleeve lilac dressed fits perfectly on her flawless body. Her long, curly golden locks flowed flawlessly down. She smiled and her clique appeared as in Que. They stood behind her, like a decorative background trying to intimidate us. They all stared at us with such disgust, rancor and adherence, alienating us. I quickly avoided their venomous gazes but Melissa looked at them with defiance. Completely unfazed by their hatred directed towards us. I nudged her arm, telling her to get away from here. She sighed and we began walking towards them. She deliberately brushed her arm against Adrianna and slightly pushed her away. A malicious smirk appeared over her faultless features and I wondered where all that repugnance came from. Why does she torture me so much?

I turned away as I heard the groupie walk away; I became aware that Adrianna is planning something. Her vile and eyes full of malice tell me that she's up to no good. I'll be her victim…. again.

* * *

This time I came early to math. I was already sitting down two minutes before everyone was sitting down. I sat in front of the class. I was looking outside of the window when I heard the chair next to me slide back. Instantly, I looked up to only meet blue eyes glistening. A warm smile appeared on his face as well a pink tinge on his cheek. I smiled politely and internally cursed as I had hoped it was Melissa who would've sat next to me. I discharged my disquiet and proceeded to stare off at the window. The bell rang and I was taken out of my trance. I slightly jumped, startled when I heard a low chuckle. I looked at Cameron and he nodded with the smile on his face. I looked at him a few seconds before looking around the classroom trying to find Melissa. She was sitting three tables down me. She waved at me and pointed at Cameron. I shrugged and turned around.

Ms. Fitz began the lesson and I completely zoned out. I felt Cameron gently pat me on my arm, trying to grasp my attention. He passed me a small folded paper. I grabbed it and opened it carefully. I read the elegant writing and smiled bitterly.

_What are you doing for Valentine's?_

I picked up the pencil and wrote on it. I folded the paper and gave it back to him. Praying that he doesn't ask any more questions. I watched him from the corner of me eyes. He swiftly opened the paper and read the words. He looked at me disappointedly and crumbled the paper. I internally sighed and focused on what Ms. Fitz was ranting about this time. I unconsciously held the heart shaped jewelry and a smile began to form. I down casted my eyes and my mind wondered off without my permission.

Realization struck of just whom I was thinking about and I let go of the heart and crossed my arms, trying to forget about it. The white shirt tightly wrapped around me and I rubbed my arms.

Eddie.

* * *

I sighed in relief as the bell rang. Everyone left except Melissa and I. She walked towards my table and I picked up all my belongings.

"Hurry up. I have to drop you off before the clock hits 2:40 or Lisa will strangle me."

I chuckled and zipped my book bag. I checked my phone and I had two missed calls and a message. I opened the message and Melissa groaned.

**_Eddie: Meet me at our Spot after school. _**

I read the text over and over, deliberating on whether going or not.

"I'll take you."

I snapped my head to Melissa who had discreetly looked over at my message.

"Um No I'll-"

"You're going. C'mon let's go."

"I don't want to go."

"Oh yes you do. Now hurry up!"

She clutched my hand and dragged me to her car. My protest and complaints were completely ignored and she pushed me inside.

* * *

"Get out."

"No."

"Stop being so stubborn. That's my job."

"No."

"You can be very adamant when you want to."

"I know."

"Now get out."

"I don't want to."

Melissa gave out an agitated sigh and pressed the horn of her car. I flinched at the loud noise. Then I remember that Eddie is just a few meters away from us. He hadn't noticed since Mel quietly drove up the hill. And now I can see his inhumanly perfect self-walking towards the car. I groaned as he waved at us. Melissa unlocked the door and I frowned helplessly as he opened the passenger door. I looked up to him and he smiled warmly at Melissa whom pushed me off the car. I stumbled out and Eddie caught me before I fell head first on the ground. He helped me up.

"Have fun kiddos."

"Bye."

Melissa drove away. I felt Eddie hands on my shoulder, he spun me around and I looked at him.

"Beautiful."

He flashed me a smile and blinked. "Eddie."

He intertwined his hands with mine and began walking upwards to my spot.

"Remember when we met here?"

"You were the annoying guy he didn't leave when I asked him to."

"And you were the stubborn girl who didn't want my company."

I nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why did you give me your mom's necklace?"

He sighed and a smile began to take over. "Because I wanted you to have it."

"But it's your mother's."

"She gave it me and now I'm giving it to you."

"I still don't understand why…"

"There's nothing much to it really. Just know that it's yours now." I looked towards the scenery and Eddie stepped closer to me. There's more to that than what he's telling me. I let it go and Eddie scratched his head. "So no Valentine's yet?" I raised an eyebrow and he smiled hopeful.

"No…"

"Good. So I guess you'll have to settle with me."

"What?"

"You're my Valentine. And I'm your Valentine. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. Just that-"

"Well then. I guess it's settled. So what you do on Valentine?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"I never had a Valentine."

I snorted. "Okay that I won't believe."

"No… I honestly never had one."

"What about your past girlfriends?"

"I have never been in a really long-term relationship that lasts till February 14."

"Hm…" I shrugged. "I don't know either. I never had one either."

"Oh." He nodded and soon beamed at me. I smiled and turned to the view. "It's been ages since I've been here." I let the view take over me and I embraced the beautiful scenery. Nothing has changed. Eddie looked. "Why did you stop coming here?"

I sighed and shook my head. "Things…" Disapprovingly Eddie caressed my cheek and gently pulled me into his arms. I hesitantly wrapped my arms and all the reason of why I should pull away are soon gone and I melt into his firm yet gentle embrace. He reluctantly let me go and I lean on the ancient tree. Tears are welling up and I wipe them away. Eddie puts his hands on his pocket and sighs.

"I'm keeping my word."

I bit my lip. I gaze of into the horizon. You can try to help me, but how long will it be before you leave? How long will it be before you give up? They always leave. And I know you will too.

"I'll fix you."

**Well... Don't hate on Mel. She'll be playing playing a gigantic role in this story. Hint: She'll be the driving force of Leddie getting together. And she's Loren sister from another mistah. Anyways, just know that Rough times ahead for Loren. Adrianna will come in a lot. And Cameron. Yikes. Eddie, as I stated before. You'll love him and hate him and then love him again. Do not worry about Manora. They'll eventually appear. R&R hope you enjoyed it :)**

**Side Note: Get your behind and go read Leddielover2016! GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO. I'm in love 3. She lefta nice review on my review section of this story. Look her up and click. **

**Stay True.**

**Leddiexx**


	6. Never Seen Nothing Like You

**Never Seen Nothing like You**

_**Thursday**_

I woke up with the sudden urge to annihilate every single ounce of my being. The revolting memory comes rushing back, hunting me. I grit my teeth and roll to the other side. I stare straight ahead of me and everything becomes a distant flashback. Everything except him… My eyes instantly close and I clutch my stomach. The yells, the screams, the void is locked and there's no escape to them. I can't set them free. I can't be liberated from this hell.

I roll back and look at my nightstand. My phone is lying there, anticipating the call that is bound to happen in a matter of seconds. It's expecting for me to quickly call Eddie. I restrain the urge to do so and instead cover it with one of the pillows and turn the other way, ignoring it. My eyes well up with tears as the palpitating images rushed back. I shook my head and swallowed. The covers were tightly wrapped around me and my mind was elsewhere, trying to detract itself from the incubus that has me on the verge of breaking.

The moment, the pain, the agony was all interrupted when I heard the phone vibrate on the table. Before my hands swiftly grabbed it, I hesitated and disdained the call. A minute later the vibrating stopped and another vibration followed. Skeptical, I picked it up and I clutched the phone as his name illuminated the dark room. Sighing, I read the message.

**Call me.**

I read it over and over again. I shut my eyes and refrained from actually doing so. In an instant I placed the phone on the nightstand and sat on the bed. I was still holding onto the phone. What the hell is wrong with me?

A sigh escaped me and I lay on my bed, letting go of the phone. A few moments later, I contemplated the idea of calling him back and letting him to all my secrets, to all my nightmares. The vibrating was non-stop. He kept persisting but I tried my best to ignore them. Seconds passed, minutes passed. Then he gave up, silence captivated the room and I never felt so alone.

* * *

"I need a ride home."

The tray went straight to the trash can. I sat in front of Melissa while she popped a carrot into her mouth. She chewed diligently and I watched her take a million years to swallow.

"I can't give you one."

I sighed and slouched back in the chair. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm grounded and I have to be at home at exactly 2:35 or Lisa will strangle me to death."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. Lisa just hates me."

"Mel I don't think-"

"Ay whatever."

She waved her hand and dismissed what I was going to say. I shrugged and looked around the lunch room. Several daggers shot my way, boisterous chattering and fingers pointing at me. I loathe attention. As the minutes pass, I grew smaller, sinking into my chair when I felt all kind of stares. I internally screamed for liberation of this instant. I folded my arms and placed them on the table. My forehead rested on my navy blue sweater. I groaned in annoyance while Melissa chuckled lightly. "Ignore them."

"I just want to get out of here."

"Call your boyfriend. He'll have a thrill if you do."

"Boyfriend? We're just friends Melissa." I sat up straighter and stared at her dead in the eye. She raised her eyebrows and motioned for me to continue. I sighed, "Nothing more."

"Sure Hon, keep telling yourself that."

She passed me her soda can. I scrutinized the design before opening it and taking a deep chug. The strong, refreshing taste calmed me down. I smiled bitterly and remember the first time we met. His eyes lustered with curiosity towards the girl who wanted him out and gone. His persistence was captivating and sometimes I liked his company. His kind words, his sweet caresses were gentle and I didn't mind them. The impact he left trailing behind after that fateful day that Trent got what he rightfully deserve, was immense and it emerged within me to see him again. What happened? Why did I stop going to my spot on top of Griffith hill? What stopped me? I told myself countless of times that it was Trent and all that happened afterwards; From the long and tiring trial to moving to the Valley. But it wasn't that.

It was Eddie.

I didn't want to become too attached to him. I knew that if I kept going to my spot, he was always going to be there, _he was going to make sure to be there. _And I knew that I would've fallen deeper into his arms. So I stopped because I was afraid... afraid of falling for him. I was afraid that if I did, I would be eventually broken up into bits once again. That was my fear, to be plundered into the deep depths of the ocean, beaten, cut and killed into my own sorrow all over again.

So I stopped.

But in the end, my attempt to keep away from him failed. Two years later I met him again, this time I was freed from Trent. Freed from his torture and misery, but not my own. After all, I am still locked in the past with all the torment inflicted upon me. I'm still locked in my nightmares where they come and haunt me every night. Then came Eddie…

His soothing voice, his gentle gestures, his lenient words is all I needed to control myself and come back to reality. To leave all my nightmares behind.

And it scares me….

It makes me anxious and terrified how much I need him. How fond I am of him. And this needs to come to an abrupt end. I can't in any way get my hopes high; to lead myself to believe that maybe there's something between us… But it's so aggravating when his actions and his words always manage to ignite something within me. It feels so foreign, so strange; these feelings that are developing slowly and I don't know what to do.

"Loren… you should really read those articles about you and Eddie."

I instantly averted my gaze to Melissa. She had moved her tray aside and looked at me intently. "No."

She sighed disapprovingly. "Look Lo, I know that the lunch probably meant just a friendly hangout between friends-"

"It was."

She narrowed her eyes and I zipped my mouth. "Maybe to you guys it did but those pictures, those analysis that a ton of people have done, the articles, witnesses hearing fragments of your conversation, witnesses who can't mind their business and carefully observed how you guys acted around each other all said the same thing: Eddie Duran and his new friend are definitely something more than "friends." Hell! Even videos show the opposite."

"Pictures? Witnesses? Videos? Analysis? Why are people so caught up in this? We are just friends…" I whispered the last part, not conscious of that fact that leaned back on the chair and sunk deeper. Are we? I mean… I evaded my own turmoil, my own conflict and proceeded to stand up. Melissa stood up as well.

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here."

She shook her head, clutched my shoulders and pushed me down, forcing me to sit back down. A sly smile appeared on her face. I closed my eyes for a second to erase my thoughts, but they still lingered.

"You can't run away from the truth, Loren."

I opened my eyes only to glare at her. She waved it off and scooted her chair closer to the table. I sighed. "I find this a stupid rumor made by paparazzi and magazines who have nothing to headline."

"You say one thing but you mean another." Her sparkling brown eyes looked over at me and a smile appeared on her face. "You're saying that you're only friends. You restate it over and over again. But do you stop for once and consider how he feels about it? Do you take in consideration that maybe he feels something deeper than just "friends" about you? Loren, this man went through all the trouble to talk to you and to see you again. He never forgot about you and from what you have told me he never gave up on you and kept going up to that hill to see you again. It doesn't matter if it was twice or even once, the point is that he didn't give up on trying to make you smile. He didn't… and that's enough proof for me to say that you mean more than just a friend to him."

Melissa stood up, picked up her plate and looked at me one more time. "Just think about it Lo. Just dig deep and tell me that he never made you feel special or needed or wanted. Tell me no and I'll leave you alone."

She waited for my answer. She stood there and watched me. A knowing smile formed on her face because she knew that if I did say no, I would be lying.

"I figured."

Then she left me alone to battle my confusion. I sat there on the chair, alone, wondering that maybe there is something between us.

Maybe…

But there's a high possibility there isn't. I sighed and stood up leaving the empty table.

* * *

A cool breeze blew my way as I was walking down the small steps of the schools entrance. I took careful steps and cuddle closer to my sweater. I walked down the cemented pavement, and carefully waited for the streets to be freed from cars. Once the coast was clear, I walked across the street and ventured back home. My eyes casted down to ground, looking at my feet walk in a slow steady pace. My mind was elsewhere, and my heart pounded out of my chest.

I was turning around the corner when someone cleared their throat. I slowly looked up, leaving my gaze off my white Vans and turned my attention to the said person. My eyes widened for a mere second, then I continued walking. My path was blocked, the heels colliding against the hard floor, and her golden locks bounced in perfect synchronization with her movement. She eyed me for a moment, scrutinizing. Almost like she is trying to find something strange, different, new... something that's not there. She groaned and shook her head.

"What does he see in you?"

I raised my eyebrow and looked at her confused. "Excuse me?"

She crossed her arms and leaned closer to me. Her face was a couple centimeters away from me, her eyes narrowed and stared intently at my eyes. I slowly backed away.

"Don't pretend you don't know? What does _the Eddie Duran _see in you?"

"Nothing. I mean we're just-"

She ignored me and continued on her rant. "You're Loren Tate for crying out loud. Nobody likes Loren Tate. Not even the nerds who are into chess or those animated cartoons or something like that. _Nobody likes you._" I dismissed her remarks. "Why did Eddie choose you to hangout? I mean c'mon you're so plain and you're not even pretty."

I stepped back from her and she took the initiative to find more flaws.

"And your hair is so dull and frizzy. And OMG don't even get me started on your skin tone. Is he into vampire looking freaks?"

I rolled my eyes and walked past her. I heard her heels smack the floor, letting me know she turned around to me. "Where are you going Tate? You better come back here and apologize to me!" I shook my head and continued walking, ignoring her redundant remarks.

"You're going to pay for this!"

I turned another corner before fading from view.

* * *

As soon as the door shut behind me, my mother sprinted to the front door and bent down to catch her breath. She placed her hands on her knees and breathed heavily. I waited for her and when she looked up, I noticed the immense excitement in her eyes.

"I met Eddie today."

I raised an eyebrow and carefully nodded my head. "Okay…" She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the sofa. I found a comfortable position and laid back.

"I like him."

"Again okay?"

"And I think you should call him."

"What?"

"I said I think-"

"I heard what you said."

I stood up from the couch and walked towards my room. My mom followed suit and shut the door once we were both in. I threw my book bag over my desk and sat on my bed, kicking off my shoes.

"So are you going to call him?"

"What? No."

My mother's smile faltered, I pulled my hair back in a ponytail while she sat down next to me. She turned to face me. "Why are you so worked up on me calling him?"

"Because I approve."

"Of what?"

"Of both of you."

"Oh well thank you for your approval mom, but we're friends. Just friends." I lay on the bed. Her eyes following my every movement. She heaved a sigh and shook her head. "Loren…" I waited for to continue; when she didn't I stood up. I didn't miss her eyes filled with complete sadness. I walked towards my table and flopped down on the chair opening my laptop. Her eyes were still on me. She let out a hardly audible sigh.

"Honey, you can't be afraid your whole life."

"Who said I was afraid?"

I snapped. My eyes closed, and I controlled myself again. "Sorry." I muttered. She walked over to me and grasped my shoulders, squeezing it reassuringly. "I just want you to be happy." I stared at the white screen and shook my head. "I am happy."

"No Honey, you're not. And I can see it in your eyes."

"What makes you think I'm happy with Eddie?"

I whispered but her keen ears heard it. She smiled. "Because ever since you've met him, you're livelier, lighter in way, like a heavy load has been off your back. And do you honestly think I am oblivious to your conversations very early in the morning? No Honey, I hear it all. I instantly wake up when I hear your gasps, but stop from opening the door when I hear your quiet words, and you're better." My hands turned into fists and I shook my head. "What about you mom? You haven't been on a date since-"

"Don't turn this around me Honey."

I looked up to meet her eyes, and regretted doing so. I saw my nightmares being reflected in her dull orbs. The torment that always replays in my mind is shown in her eyes. I can't see my reflection, only my worst nightmare. She averted her gaze away me and smiled. I knew that smile too well. She opened the door and looked at me one more time. "Don't let him go Loren. Don't let Eddie get away because if you do, you'll live with what if's and why's for the rest of your life. And you don't want that. As for me… let's just say I'm not going to let Trent ruin my life. I'm not going let him ruin yours either, so please think about it… I just know that Eddie cares for you too much, I know that it pains him to see you hurt and in denial."

The door closed behind her and I continued to stare at the screen. I closed my eyes, attempting to stop the incoming tears. My eyes were welling up from tears. A tear betrayed me and it rolled down my cheek. I rapidly wiped it away and concentrated on what to write for my report. My mind was off for a few minutes before it was interrupted by vibrations coming from my book bag. I reluctantly got up and took it out. I stared at the screen for three rings before answering. I swallowed and waited anxiously for his voice to appear on the other line.

_"Loren?"_

"Yeah… Eddie."

_"You picked up!"_

"Of course I did. Why? Didn't think I'd answered you?"

"_I thought you would answer but only to yell "Leave me alone" and then hang up on me… again."_

I smiled. "Well I didn't do any of the above so what happened?"

He was silent for a few moments before sighing. "_So I was wondering that we should get together tomorrow for Valentine's….or today. It doesn't matter. Anyways… um I don't really want to spend it alone and I figured since you're my Valentine and I'm yours we can spend it together… if you want."_

I held my breath. "Maybe."

_"Oh. Why don't I like the sound of that?"_

"I don't know. Maybe could mean yes."

_"It could mean no, too. But you should come, I texted you my address. So pop up anytime you want."_

"I should."

"_You should."_

"So I'll talk to you later."

_"Yeah sure. Anytime Beautiful."_

I tapped the end call and sat down on the chair. I sighed and closed the laptop. A smile appeared and I bit my lip to disperse it. I began tapping on the chair in anxiety. I instantly looked at the time.

_3:48_

I stood up and went straight to my mom's room.

I have no clue what came over me, but I needed to see him again.

* * *

"Okay honey, call me as soon as he tries to lay a hand on you inappropriately and Momma Tate will appear and beat the living hell out of him."

"Wow I never believed there would come a day where I would here you say that."

"Well you know what they say, 'First time is charmer.' Now go so you can leave early and come back to me. I still can't believe I'm allowing you to go to a grown man house. Or penthouse. Whatever just hurry up."

I got out of the car and watched the car drive off the entrance. I walked into the unfamiliar building. A friendly man with a kind smile welcomed me. "Good afternoon. How may I help you?"

I made my way towards him and he smiled warmly. "I'm here to see Eddie Duran."

He nodded knowingly but his smile faded. "You must be Loren Tate?"

"Yeah."

He looked at a paper conflicted. But nonetheless, he shook his head, pressed a red button and walked over to the elevator. "Are you okay?" I asked but he coaxed me to get in. "Yes. I am… I supposed she's left down the back exit."

I couldn't ask any further questions as the elevator doors closed. I leaned back on the metal walls and looked up at the numbers light up, correlating to the increasing height. What did he mean by _she_?

My thoughts were interrupted when the bell rung and the metallic doors opened. I stepped out and looked for number _**1901. **_Just my luck, it was the first door right next to the elevator. I stared at the number and I was about to knock when I noticed the door was slightly opened. I deliberated on whether to open or not.

He probably forgot to close it… that doesn't sound right. I shrugged and decided to go in. I pushed the door lightly and walked in uninvitingly.

I was received uninvitingly.

My mouth opened slightly, my eyes were silently welling up with tears, my heart was pounding and I stood frozen in place as realization struck me hard like a lightning bolt. Worse. Like I was captured by a swirling tornado, which spun me around for a few seconds but those seconds felt like hours and when I did land on the ground. I collided against the ocean, stomach first, and I drowned deeper and deeper. Realizing that my mom, Mel, all those articles, all those tabloids, all those hopes, all those questions were wrong.

I was right.

I should've listened to myself. I should've never growned attached to him.

My eyes followed the scene in front of me. The two figures on an unbreakable lock. Wondering hands, smacking of lips and impatient sounds. I casted down my eyes. This shouldn't hurt but it does.

One Eddie. The other a woman.

I recognized her. His ex, the one he had called quits. I looked up at them and a bitter smile formed. I didn't cry, I sustained the tears and silently began to turn around. To leave this place, I clutched the door knob.

"What the hell are you doing?"

His strong, demanding voice filled with rage and fury shouted at her. She whimpered and I cursed as I was still in the room. Shit. I grasped the door knob and took two step forwards, hoping that he doesn't notice me.

"Loren?"

I flinched at his tone. "Is that you?"

I bit my lip and nodded my head, turning around to face him. He had made a great distance between her and him. She had a triumphant smile on her face, and complete terror took over his. I avoided his gaze and he took a step forward. "What are you doing here?" He barely managed to get out, almost like he choked before he was able to say it. I looked up at him and shrugged. The tears wanted to come out again. "You invited me so I thought I can pass by. I'm sorry… for interrupting this."

"You're not wanted here little girl."

She spoke and I nodded. "Sorry."

"Don't listen to her, Loren. You didn't interrupt anything, she was just leaving."

My arm was back to my side and I stood there, contemplating on leaving. "It's okay; I'll leave you guys alone." I turned around but Eddie rushed to me, grabbed my hand and stopped me from leaving the door.

"Please stay. Don't leave."

His eyes were pleading me, begging me to stay. I stared hopelessly at him and he shook his head, his eyes telling me something that I couldn't decipher.

"Chloe leave."

"What? But babe-"

"Leave! You and I have nothing else to say. Now go."

He pulled me inside, and I longed to be out. Chloe stomped on the floor but complied. When she was at the opened door she turned around to look at me with a smirk on her face. The same triumphant look. "Listen little girl, I recommend for you to leave right now and never come back because Eddie doesn't want you. He's using you. And when he gets what he wants he'll just throw-"

"Leave!" He walked towards the door, pushed her outside and shut the door with so much anger. But her words had already sunk deep. I registered each and every word and I began to wonder. Am I just another toy to be played with? I stared at the ground. But I was soon looking at his iridescent brown eyes. He lifted my chin with his hand; with the other hand he gently stroked my cheek. He swallowed and he still had that pleading look.

_Don't believe her. Nothing's going on. Please don't believe her._

"Loren let me explain, nothing happened-"

"You don't have to explain anything to me."

I pulled away from his caresses and stood a few feet away from him. I ran a hand through my hair and Eddie stepped closer. "I have to. I mean after what you saw I need to tell you. Loren, I don't want things to be bad between us. "

"We're nothing Eddie." I blurted out. He shook his head. "Don't say that…"

"We're just friends… remember. So you don't have to tell me anything about your love life."

"Love life? Loren there's nothing between Chloe and I. We're over. Please believe-"

"Eddie… I-I have to go." I pushed him away, but he didn't let me go. I looked at our intertwined hands, his gripping my small hand tight.

"Let me explain myself. Chloe just barged-"

"Is it true?"

He shut his eyes and controlled his ache and outrage. "What's true?" He choked.

"What Chloe said… that I'm only another toy for you to use."

He cupped both of my cheeks and looked intently at my eyes. I froze, my eyes widened and he breathed heavily. "Don't." He regained his composure. "No Loren. You mean more than that. Don't believe a single word she told you. Never second guess me. Loren, please, you know I care about you. Wha-why are you doubting me?"

I looked away from him and shrugged. "I guess I'm used to being treated so harshly that it wouldn't be a surprised if those were your intentions."

"I'm never going to hurt you, Loren. Please know that."

You already did.

I slipped out of his embraced and walked towards the door again.

"Don't go… Stay with me." I held the door knob tight. "I-I think it's better if we stopped seeing each other for a while. Maybe we can get our heads cleared out and see what we want. I don't know… we just know each other for a couple of weeks for crying out loud!" An endless stream of tears were rolling down my cheeks, my vision blurred and I wanted to terminate what I'm feeling right now. I should trust him. I should… but it feels like I can't. I shouldn't feel like this, but I'm stuck in the past. And the past is silently killing me. I should believe him, but why do I feel like he could be lying to me? I'm nothing special. I'm no one.

I'm worthless.

And maybe he saw that, he saw how useless and broken I am and decided to play with me for a while. Making me feel special and wanted, but that was probably a façade. A part of his game. Maybe Adrianna and Chloe are right. Why would Eddie Duran like Broken Loren Tate?

"I need you Loren."

All his sweet words, all his gestures. They were fake, too.

"Please stay with me."

He pushed the slightly opened door with his hand and it stayed there, right beside me. With his free hand, he grabbed my waist and turned me to face him. Pain and anguish were all written over his features. His body was tense and gently he caressed my cheek, wiping the tears away. I went back to earlier today, when Melissa told me she's positive that Eddie likes me. And I hate her for getting my hopes high but I hate myself more for letting her. I went back to my mom when she came in the room and excitedly approved of him, encouraging me to go for it. Poor mother, how disappointed she'll be. I went back to the kind doorman; maybe if he didn't let me up, I wouldn't be where I am at this instant. I went back to a few minutes ago when I noticed the opened door. I should've stepped back and left. I should've, that would've saved me. Why?

He leaned closer to me, a few centimeters separating us. "Believe me when I tell you how beautiful you are. Believe me how it pains me, it hits me in the gut, when you deny it. Since I've met you, not a few weeks ago, but two years ago in our spot. Since that day, I knew I wanted to be a part of your life. And when you disappeared all of the sudden, I didn't know what to do. I felt so lonely, because who was I going to talk to up on that hill? Then I met you again and this time I wasn't going to let you go. I tried everything to be around you Loren. I tried everything to see you again. There hasn't been a minute of the day that you don't cross my mind."

Please stop.

"Nothing compares to you Beautiful. Nothing will ever, ever compare to how you make me feel."

No more.

"I've never seen nothing like you... So please stay with me. Don't go."

"Please... Let me go Eddie."

"No."

He placed his other hand on my other side, preventing any escape. I shook my head and gripped his shirts with my fists.

"Let me go."

"No Loren."

I pushed him, but he only tightened his hold. Tears rolled down, and I pleaded. He shook his head and leaned closer. His body was firm, his face indignant. With my small fists I plundered on his chest. "Let me go." I repeated. But he never listened; instead he pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me. How can a day make a bad turn? How can something beautiful turn out to be a lie?

How can this be happening? Lies. Lies. Lies. All of it is a lie. I'm just here to be used and then to be thrown away. It was too good to be true.

My body shook, my head was spinning, my heart was caving in, and everything was becoming blurry. But Eddie's embrace was only becoming stronger by the second. I wanted to be out of here but he didn't let me. I want an escape. I thought he was it, but lies. He deceived me into believing it. So much confusion. My head can't stop spinning.

"Stay."

"Eddie-"I choked. "You're hurting me."

His body froze, his embrace loosened and I was able to get out. The last thing I saw before I got out of there was his face. Filled with distress and pain. The last thing I saw was his fist collide against the wall. And I left.

He never did chase after me.

But what did I expect?

* * *

**So I'm still with this story. It'll be short :o**. ** Well hope you like it. I don't know, all my creative juices are like gone. Anyways, I'll probably rewrite this chapter later, It didn't make a sense to me at some parts. Anyways, reviews are lovely :).**

**Stay True,**

**Leddiexx **


	7. Who You Are

_**Who You Are**_

_**Friday**_

_You're worthless._

_You're worthless._

_You're worthless._

My arms were wrapped tightly around my knees while they were firmly against my body. The frigid floor sent goosebumps throughout my body. Tears were silently rolling down my cheek and I rocked back and forth. Desperation, pain, ache, hatred. Millions of thoughts ran through my head, the scenes flashed back one by one. I tried to disperse them but to no avail, they sauntered.

_You are worthless._

Stupid, stupid girl. I should've known it was all too good to be true. When is it all going to end? When are all the disappointments going to end? When is all this pain going to end? When am I going to end?

_He doesn't care._

_You're nothing._

What happened to all those times I felt wanted? Needed? What happened to all his words of affection, to all those times he showed that he cared for me? He made feel like I wasn't completely alone. He made feel like I can lean on somebody and that I don't have to fight this battle by myself. What happened to everything he promised me?

"_I'll fix you…"_

He said…

"_I'll fix you…"_

Lies. Lies. Lies. He lied and I was the stupid girl who believed him. Why did I let him in? Why did I fall into his arms? Because he made me feel different… he made me feel special. All his gestures, all his words were just sweet talk to get me to let him in.

It was all a game.

_Who are you?_

No. No. No.

I've been kicked to the ground too many times; I have drowned so much in my own tears. And when I finally thought it was all ending slowly, it came back penetrating me into deep despair. Why can't I get out of it? What did I do wrong?

Why am I even alive?

_Who the hell are you?_

Abused. Lied. Beaten. Used.

What happened to happy endings? Where the hell are they? I'm not meant for one. Is this how my life will be? Suffering, disappointment after disappointment, torment subjected upon me. Why? Why? Eddie, why did you do this? It just took one downfall for me to drown again. It just took one setback for me fall deeper back again.

_It's because you're nothing._

_It's because you're weak._

I thought we-

I was wrong. I'm lost. I'm lost now, I can't get back up. I'm falling deeper…

Deeper.

Deeper.

I'm back ro square one. I'm suffocating. One stupid mistake, I let him in. One stupid mistake and I'm here again. No. No. This is not how's supposed to be. He can't… he didn't do it… I'm being deceived again. Am I? Is he capable of doing it to me?

So many thoughts, so many emotions. It's all too overwhelming.

I can't take it. I can't… not anymore.

He's gone.

He used me. He lied to me.

He's gone… So am I.

I'm gone.

_He never cared. _

* * *

My eyes trailed down my reflection on the mirror. I scrutinized every visible part. The small yet distinct bruises. The effigy of my frail, gaunt and pallid body stood there, imitating every move I took. I observed myself and slowly, my eyes closed. I bit my lower lip to stop my abominable thoughts. But they managed to find a way and rushed back to me. They penetrated in the worst possible way and I stood there, in front of the infamous mirror, and thought, _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Time was infinite. The clock stopped ticking and it froze. And I loathed the million thoughts wondering inside my head, messing with my mind. Incoherent sounds escaped my mouth as I tried to prevent them from emerging. I swallowed all the tears away; I swallowed all my sorrow and focused on the body in front of me. My gaze trailed up to the face. I met lifeless hazel, no spark, not even a small glint. They're dull, marked with heavy bags, hollow cheek bones and paleness surrounding it. I bit my lip once again and this time I did crumble. A tear betrayed me and rapidly rolled down. I didn't even attempt to wipe it away and proceeded to stare, perceive just _who I am._

A bitter smile appeared over my features. In the mirror, it looked like an awkward gesture. My lips were slightly twitched up, my features hard and eyes blank without emotion.

So this is what Eddie sees?

Beautiful? More lies… why didn't I ever notice them? Was I blind enough to let him deceive me like this? Everything that is wrong with me is all standing right in front of me.

The words repeated inside my head. Tormenting me, bringing anguish and distress; and all my sorrow slowly ran back to inflict pain on me. _Sweetie... _ His hoarse voice resounded in my mind; I felt his cold hands trailed up on my waist. His uncontrolled breath leaned next to my neck. I become frozen, a statue with a look of terror. Just when I thought it was all over, he always comes back.

Then I felt the pain resonate on my back. The revolting memory made its grand entrance and I shut my eyes instantly to counteract them. They slipped through and the nightmare flashed back, each scene stronger the next. Each scene portraying his face filled with rage, redundant words escaped his mouth. Eyes shot red, stiff body, and hands brought up to the sky ready to lash at me. Once, he yelled in annoyance and fury. Second, the leather whip slashed against my back. I cringed as the fresh blood oozed out. It rolled down my back and he stalked out of the room. _I'm sorry sweetie. You know how I hate it when you don't do what you're told. _He smiled and his perfect white teeth shone. _But now you know better. Right, Sweetie? _And in an instant he was gone,leaving me and my wound, marking my body forever.

Everything went blank. I slowly opened my eyes and there stood my parallel. It was staring straight at me.

Who are you?

I shrugged and embraced myself with my tenuous arms. But I didn't feel warmth or security whatsoever. I didn't feel complete fervor engulf me in tranquility. Reassuring me that I could make it through. I didn't feel the same vehemence that I am exposed whenever his strong arms are gently wrapped around me. Securing me from danger, shielding me from Trent's excruciating remembrance. My eyes widened, my mouth slightly parted and I shook my head.

What happened?

* * *

_**12:00 p.m.**_

I had walked out of the house today without a single word said to my mother. I escaped as soon as I saw her interrogative and curious gaze. Her voice trailed behind me and completely faded once I had turned the corner. I haven't told her what happened yesterday. If I do, I wouldn't know how to take the look of disappointment and her sweet words trying to confort me.

My book bag laid on the ground and I tried to concentrate on eating the burrito that was resting on my lap. I tapped the tray and contemplated on leaving the school campus. I sighed and placed the plastic, blue tray on the ground and began observing my surroundings. I cringed at the bright, pastel color encircling the entire school. Pink cards. Pink balloons. Pink plush toys. Pink clothes. Pink roses. Pink _everything._ I scowled at the obnoxious scene in front of me. I departed my eyes from them and looked around at the student body. Girls were shrieking in joy and flung their arms around boys. Guys held girls hand tightly and I realized what day today was.

Valentine's.

My face was completely expressionless. But my mind was jumbled with thoughts. A memory made its way back and I was suddenly on top of that hill. Eddie was standing next to me and he had that smile on his face; the one I learned to appreciate and regarded as the smile that always appears whenever he's around me. I watched as he had his undivided attention on me, his smile never dispersed but I didn't notice how he had a gentle look, a look he gave to me. I was too busy trying to ignore he was even there, my gaze was plastered on the sky, looking off into the blue horizon. _I'll fix you. _He had said. I closed my eyes and opened them again to find myself back on the repugnant scenery. Pink flashed everywhere. Giggles were abhorrent to my ears. Nevertheless I sighed and rolled my head back. Out of the blue I heard my name. I sighed in frustration and looked around. A group of girls caught my eye; they were located on top of the cafeteria's staircase. They were a few yards away from me and I noticed her impeccable golden curls stand in the middle of the clique. My eyes landed on her blue ones filled with deceit. A smirk appeared and I saw the vile, the hatred. I quavered and got the impression that she was up to something. I quickly averted my gaze and dismissed them from my mind.

"Loren! There you are!"

A girl with a black and white polka dot dress stood in front of me. I took in her three inch high top boots and the metallic accessories on her wrists and neck. I looked up to meet her gaze and noticed the strong, black make up on her face. Her curly, brunette hair stood in a high pony tail. I raised an eyebrow. "Melissa." I stated and she nodded with a smile of triumph. "At least someone recognizes me." I laughed mockingly. "You're making quite of a statement today."

"I am. But it's also to bother the peasants surrounding me. Their fake laughter and smiles disgust me." She spat and straightened her dress. I sighed and stood up, picking up my book bag. "So…" She smiled suggestively. "Your mom called me yesterday and told me you went to your Bf's house." I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second and began walking away from Mel and her interrogation. She followed and caught up to me. "What happened?" She asked. I shivered and shook my head. "Nothing."

"Really? C'mon something must've happened. I am adamant to believe that you went there to play patty cake with him."

My face hardened and Mel kept rambling. Her sentences, her incoherent thoughts of Eddie and me were making my head spin and everything became a blur. Dizziness followed and I had to stop. I leaned on the lockers and caught my breath. She stopped talking and I felt her questioning gaze filled with concern. "Lo, are you okay." I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "I'm- I'm good. Very well if you ask me." I said breathless. "Just stop talking for a moment." In a matter of seconds the poignant scenes left a void but I managed to get back up and stand on two feet. Melissa was able to shut up and I nodded in gratitude. She looked at me, "Lo what happened yesterday?" I smiled, trying to dissimilate my glistening eyes. "Nothing just that…" I sighed. "You were wrong about Eddie and me…"

"What?" She said below a whisper.

"Eddie… he definitely has better things to do than fall for Loren Tate. And apparently he decided to play with her."

"Loren-"

"It was all a lie Mel…" I choked. "You were wrong. He doesn't see me like something more than a friend except a toy to play with."

I began walking away but Melissa pulled me back. "Wait. What do you mean?"

"I saw him and Chloe Carter… in a heated moment."

She opened her mouth but closed right back. "Okay…? So what happened next? Did he tell you what was happening or…?"

"Um No… Chloe left and-"

"Did she say something to you? Did he say something to you?"

"She told me that he was only using me then Eddie kicked her out…"

"Okay…" She smiled nervously. "But you didn't believe her, right?"

"I-I"

"What did Eddie say after she left?"

"He didn't say a lot just lies… I-I look Melissa have to go to class."

"No you don't." She pushed me back and placed her hands on her hips. Disbelief was marked all over her face. "We still have a couple more minutes before the bell rings." I sighed in frustration as she cornered me in the crevice of the wall. "So what you're telling me is that you went to Eddie's and found him and his ex all over each other?"

I didn't say a word and excluded any emotions. She nodded. "And then Eddie kicked her out because she started spilling lies that you believed."

"How do you know she was lying? Maybe she's right."

She shut her eyes and sighed. "No. She's lying. I know people like her and they would do anything to get what they want. I'm actually surprised that you didn't see through the lies she told you."

"Mel I don't want to talk about it."

"Well that's too bad Loren. Because you're going to listen carefully to every word I say." Melissa looked at me with evident pain in her eyes. "So did Eddie explain himself after she left? Did you listen to anything that he said? Loren, did you let him or did you run away when you saw an opportunity?"

Silence followed and Mel got her answer. She nodded her head apprehensively. "I didn't know what to do, Mel." I whispered, chocking back the tears. "I know… I can't imagine how you felt at that moment. I'm sorry Lo but you were unfair to him."

"Unfair?" I said incredulous. She nodded her head, no remorse nor regret. "Yes, unfair. You didn't let him explain. You didn't let him defend himself. You didn't face the situation and instead ran away."

"I-I please can we let this go."

"No. You need to face it Loren. You know I'm right. So why you haven't called Eddie to talk to him is a mystery to me. Why haven't you gone back to his apartment and know the truth that he didn't mean to hurt you intentionally and it was all a mistake, a misunderstanding? Why Loren? Why can't you believe that someone out there cares for you? Why do you push them away when they're trying to help you?"

She was asking questions that I had no answers to. I swallowed the lump that accumulated in my throat, consisting of words and tears I sustained. And I acknowledged what was wrong with me. Why I did what I always do. And I have no idea how many times he has called, how many messages and voicemails he has left. I have no idea because I turned off my phone as soon as I left that building.

"I'm scared." I said in an inaudible tone. Melissa still heard it and she closed her eyes. A tear rolled down her cheek and I restrained mine. "You can't let it get to you Loren. You can't let it control your life. Because it will kill you slowly and before you know it, you'll forget how to breathe."

I let out and exasperated laugh. "I forgot how to do a lot of things a very long time and we both know what I'm referring to."

The bell rang and I was liberated from this agonizing moment that neither brought joy and powder cookies. I nibbled on my lower lip and Melissa looked at me dead in the eye. "Don't let Eddie slip away." She said and I recalled those same words coming out of my mother's mouth. Her voice resonated and I bit my lip hard. _Don't let Eddie get away._

I stalked off as soon as I could. Melissa didn't protest and followed me to Calculus. We had made a turn when we notice a crowd surrounding the entrance of the class. Once our presence was known, girls turned around and they rolled their eyes at us. Guys stared at me from head to toe and I felt miniscule as they looked at me curious and confused. They made a gateway for us and we walked in the middle of the crowd. "Talk about bunch of weirdoes." Melissa whispered. I shrugged and began walking into the classroom.

Red. Bright red and the smell of sweetness inundated me. I stared at the color and baskets drowning in this beautiful flower were standing in the entrance. What. The. Hell.

"Loren Tate, these are for you." My gaze averted to Ms. Fitz. She was standing in the doorway since there was no possible entrance to her desk. I expected complete annoyance to be present in her face but she was intrigued instead. I nodded nervously and turned to the surprise. Who in their right mind would do this? Melissa let out a soft, husky whistle. "Eddie Duran knows how to please a girl." I stood there astounded and startled that he would do this. In school. Today. Oh shit.

"Oh look he left a letter."

Mel pointed to a white envelope located on top of a basket filled solely with red roses. "Are you going to get it or are you waiting for it to mystically come walking towards you?"

I ignored her comment and squished my way through the other baskets. I took careful steps, making sure I didn't step on any of the roses that had fallen to the floor. A few feet later I reached the basket and grabbed the envelope. I stared at it for a moment, tracing the elegant writing.

**_To: Loren_**

**_From: Eddie_**

"You've got to be kidding me!"

A high pitch voice sounded behind me. I flinched when I recognized that voice. "Really?" She said.

"And the ugliest of them all appears." Melissa spat. "Go away Adrianna. Don't you have a boyfriend to tend?"

"I'm not talking to you- what are you even supposed to be?"

"Isn't obvious. I'm representing your inner soul. Black, vile and wicked."

I slowly turned around and confronted Adrianna. She was shooting daggers at Melissa while Mel was completely ignoring her. I began walking back to the entrance and felt countless pair of eyes staring at me, watching every movement. I clutched the envelope and Adrianna's eyes landed on it.

"What is that?"

"Nothing you should worry about." I muttered.

"What did you say?"

I sighed and skipped her warning tone. I stood in front of her tall physique and looked at her. A vicious smile appeared on her face and I shivered. This is not good. I anticipated her next words. I knew how she was going to attack me. Was I ready? Not at all. I never am.

"It's kinda surprising that Eddie Duran still hasn't grown bored of you."

I avoided her gaze and she took a step closer. Melissa walked towards us but I shook my head. I can handle her. Right?

"But I'm positive he'll eventually realize how useless you are."

And the same words are repeated over and over again. She's the broken record reminding me why I detest this school. Why I hate her and everyone in it. She's the repetitive living nightmare that never stops tormenting me about my past. She adds more to the pain that I bring to myself.

"Do you honestly think he likes you for you? If I ask every single boy that comes to this school if they would bang or diss you, they would all just throw you to the dump like the trash you are."

I flinched at her words. Like I didn't know that. Thank you for slapping me in the face for the millionth time.

"You're the dirt I walk on; you're the mosquito everyone kills-" Mosquito? That's a new insult. "-the only thing you're useful is to be the joke of the entire school."

I knew where this was headed. I knew where she was aiming at; I knew where I would fall after this. But I didn't move and I felt Melissa's presence become defined as she would tell Adrianna to shut up and shout at me not to listen to her. But her words were sinking in. Deeper. My blood was boiling, my heart was pumping hard, and my breathing was hitched. She still had a smirk on her face, her look of victory.

She always wins in the end.

"Do you honestly believe that Eddie cares for you? Well newsflash _sweetie-"_ I bit my lips and my hands turned into fist at that word. She extended the word, knowing how much it affects me. My ears were piercing, my mind was scattered being penetrated with her words. "Nobody cares about you. I thought you knew that already I mean, after what your-" Don't fucking say it. Please don't. Not any of that. I can't take it.

"Adrianna shut up!"

It wasn't Melissa's voice. It wasn't the voice of someone in the crowd. It wasn't Eddie, though I wish it was. Where's my savior? Can he still be called that after what happened? What exactly did happen?

"Go away Cameron." She hissed but her gaze never left me. She continued to stare me down, demolishing what's left of me.

And she proceeded to remind me of why I am like I am. Why I am so revolting to her eyes, why she will never understand why Eddie chose me? Did he really?

'Don't listen to her Loren."

How can I not when she screams louder than my own silence. When she's right here, speaking the truth of why I am like this. She doesn't know who I am. She doesn't understand or get me.

And guess what, neither do I.

Who am I?

"Just like your father." She said. My eyes widened for a mere second. I bowed my head low and eyes casted down to the ground. _**Once, he yelled in annoyance and fury. Second, the leather whip slashed against my back, I cringed as the fresh blood oozed out. It rolled down my back and he stalked out of the room.**_ The deep wound on my back; the antagonizing memories came back. One by one. Slowly at first and then in a rabid notion, they charged at me like Adrianna.

"He probably doesn't know your past, Tate. What was it exactly? Didn't your father abuse you and your mother? Oh that's right; he beat you and your mom and treated you like trash because that's what you are."

"Ms. Masters can you please leave Ms. Tate alone."

Ms. Fits intervened. Melissa stood beside me. I don't know what took them long to react. Cameron grabbed Adrianna's arm and tried to haul her away. Everybody was outside, and like every time, they didn't do anything but stand and watch the show. I wanted to fall and vanish from existence. I wanted to disappear and stop this entire affliction.

I wanted to end.

"What? I'm just telling the truth. Can you let me go!" Cameron began dragging her away but she was resistant. "Just remember Tate, you're nothing- Cameron you're hurting me!" She flayed her arms and tried to rush back to me; to continue exerting more pain on me. "You're not wanted! Ow!" Her voice trailed down the hallway. "Don't listen to her Lo." Melissa whispered. I clutched her arm for support. And all eyes were on me. They were judging me, they're eyes showed repugnance and they acted as if they knew me.

Why do they do that?

I never did anything to them… I never did anything to Adrianna. So why does she hurt me? Why do they judge me when I have done absolutely nothing to them? Why does she torment me?

"Lo…" Melissa gently patted my back reassuringly. I stood aghast; it was a miracle that my limp body was still standing. Melissa shook her head. "Loren look at me." And just when I thought that she was gone. She shouted. She screamed on the top of her lungs and I ran.

That's what I always knew what to do best.

Run.

Run away from my fears and never confront them. I let them linger within me and never let them go.

I relive the past through my nightmares because I never did learn how to let them flow. Fear haunted me. Fear killed me. Fear overpowered me. Fear made me weak.

I let fear do this to me.

_I let him do this to me._

I ran. I ran. Nobody chased after me. And I kept running. Away from the haunted building, the place where I'm constantly tormented and when I think it's over, it comes back. I ran and Melissa was forced to stay behind. "Let her go." Ms. Fitz had said, "She needs to handle it by herself."

I ran. I ran home. I ran to the only place where I live with the only woman who truly cares for me and had to endure what I had to go through. She's the only one who understands what I'm going through. But she was able to let it go. She was able to face Trent and show him that he can't bring her down. And I'm the nuisance bogging her down.

I ran. I ran. And when I made it there, I barged through the door into the living room and to my cave. The place where nightmares unfold. I stood in the middle of the room for a moment before throwing everything to the floor. The envelope was lost from my hands.

Scattered clothing. Scattered books. Scattered bed sheets. I threw everything to the floor. Rage took over me. Anger invaded my whole being. Fury terrorized me and I violently tossed the books off the shelf. Items on top of the drawer tumbled on the floor. My body was shaking, my head was spinning, and my heart was beating fast. My mouth trembled. My hands opened and closed into fists. My eyes nictitated rapidly. Tears vigorously flowed down my cheek and there never seemed to be an end.

I gave up.

I leaned against the white wall and slowly slipped down on the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought them closer to my body. Rocking back and forth, I began to hum. Rocking back and forth, delirium was taking over me.

Time was infinite. Time was endless. I don't how long I stayed there. I don't how long it took Melissa to find me. But when she did, she gasped at the scene and looked around. She looked for me.

I was at the far corner of the rooml; tears were still running down my cheek, hysteria evident in my face. My body quivered, my hands were shaking uncontrollably, and I kept rocking back and forth. I hummed and I hummed.

Melissa kneeled beside me and a few tears slipped down her eyes. She didn't attempt to wipe them. She extended her arm to me but took it back. She was trying to reach out for me but knew it was hopeless. She choked and a silent sob escaped her mouth. I continued humming, rocking back and forth steadily along with my shaking body. She covered her mouth to stop the whimpers and I smiled. "I'm okay." I said trying to reassure her. Her body trembled and she scooted closer to me. "Loren, please tell me how I can help you… And I'll try my best to help you."

I was silent. I didn't mutter a word. My own thoughts consumed me and I wanted nothing more but to escape.

"Loren… please…" She choked and I kept my silence. "Tell me what you need. Please I want to help you."

I flutter my eyes, my vision was blurred from the tears, my head stopped spinning, my body stopped trembling, my mind was relieved from everything and only one thing became clear.

"I need Eddie."

**Hahahahahahhahaha Oh Loren. So how did you like the chapter? Reviews are amazing actually ;). SO please tell me what you thought and next chapter will be better. I promise, I'll try to make it better. Okay. Okay. Oh and this is a special shout out to Estefy, yhan88, hheights143 and kortneyfpto. You guys are the best. I swear.**

**Song: Who You Are by Jessie J**

**Stay True,**

**Leddiexx**


	8. Falling into You

_**Falling into You**_

My head was cushioned by the pillow. My arms were wrapped around my waist, clutching it tightly. I gently laid on the bed. The covers were on top of me, protecting me from the frigid cold the air conditioner was providing. My nerves were slowly calming down as the warmth of my bed brought serenity, but I wasn't completely tranquil. My rabid beating heart was slowly going back to normal and I closed my eyes for a fraction of second. I ignored Melissa rummaging through the things scattered on the floor. I ignored her remarks and her attempts to comfort me.

"Jesus, Loren where did you drop the God Damn envelope!"

She said. I smiled bitterly and went back to two minutes ago. And I remember how I had the said the most unexpected yet inevitable.

_I need Eddie…_

My eyes instantly opened and I longed to go back in time. If I could travel through time, if I had the power to do so I would, without a doubt, go back to the time I said these three words. I would've prevented them from slipping out of my mouth.

But that's the problem; I was conscious of what I was saying.

The carnage vanished, and I remembered how my body instantly stopped trembling from earlier events… I remember how everything that was going on in my mind, every havoc dispersed. It vanished from my head and only one thing had become clear:

_Eddie._

_Eddie._

_Eddie._

I quietly sat up on and leaned back on the bed's white, wooden frame. My eyes followed Melissa's physique. She was placing back books on the shelf, simultaneously looking for the white envelope Eddie had sent me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and found myself looking around at the room as well. Complete chaos had overtaken me. Everything that used to be on the wall was off and on the floor, along with clothes, books, trophies and bags. Drawers were all open. The only thing left untouched was the bathroom. I sighed and silently deliberated over something. I wanted to see what was on the envelope.

"Loren… seriously do you have any idea where you dropped it?"

"It should be somewhere around here…" I muttered and Melissa nodded continuing to inspect my room. My mind absconded from the chaotic room. And I become aware of where it was off too. I discreetly shook my head and attempted to discharge of the thoughts that would soon consumed me to do something I would absolutely regret later.

_Call Eddie._

I longed to hear his voice again. I desiderated for him to tell me that everything is okay. That everything will be okay. I wished that he was right here comforting me and just holding me. I desired for his presence and yearned to be in his arms and feel secured and protected from all the demons that always come out and scourge me. And I can't take this feelings and thoughts away. They're indispensable and I grow anxious by the second. But I don't move from my bed. I stay put. And just like that, I feel Melissa sit on the edge of the bed. She clutched the fabric and looked at me with a gentle smile. I averted my gaze to her and she pressed her lips together. A sigh escaped and she fell backwards on the bed.

"You know… you can call him." She whispered. I nodded my head and sat up straighter. "Why don't you? You need him after all." I bit my lip harshly and laughed bitterly. Melissa sat up and looked at me questionably. "I didn't mean it." I lied.

"Are you seriously going to try to hide your feelings? Loren I know what you said and I know that you meant it. So call Eddie and clear things up with him…"

I shook my head. Melissa groaned and suddenly stood up. She walked over to the mayhem I had done. She kneeled down and began folding shirts. I watched her, quietly battling with my mind.

_Call Eddie._

I rubbed my face with my hands and shivered when the covers fell on the floor and the cold was exposed. But I didn't even attempt to recover them. Instead, I automatically stood up and walked over to my black Jansport. I kneeled down to it and gently played with the zipper. I bit the tip of my thumb, I suddenly tasted flesh. I swallowed the fresh blood and unzipped the front. I took out the phone and rapidly stood up. I went back to my bed and sat on it crisscrossed.

"Oh My God! Here." Melissa tossed a small white cloth. I caught it and scrutinized it carefully. A small smile formed on my face as I notice the letters engraved on it. I traced it and apprehensively placed it on my lips. I closed my eyes and sighed. Placidity overwhelmed me as I reminisce the first time we met. Of course I would remember his hankie. I opened my eyes and stared at the phone that was being gripped by hand. And I was clear of what I was to do.

I turned on the phone and the screen illuminated, vibrations followed and a cute emoticon appeared. Melissa was now aware of the phone on my hand and she quickly sprinted to my bed. She sat next to me and impatiently waited for me to dial his number. I tapped on the screen for a moment. That moment was too long for Mel since she grabbed the phone from me.

"Whoa." She looked at the screen and raised her eyebrow. A low whistle escaped her mouth. "He was desperate to get in touch with you… 20 calls and 36 messages… Lucky you that he didn't know your address." My eyes casted down and my hands into fists. "Do you think it was wrong for me to ignore him?"

I expected her to answer me right away. To be quick fired and tell me "Yes." But she unexpectedly kept her quiet for a moment. She shrugged. "Yes…" She said, "But I could only imagine what was going on your head at that time and I know that you weren't thinking properly… So I don't blame you for ignoring him. I don't judge you because I know that it this really hurt you and you don't want that to happen again. Loren, I know that you're scared of getting hurt but… you need to talk to Eddie."

I nodded and sighed. "I want to hear the messages first…"

"Are you sure?" Melissa pushed. "Because the messages can wait, the call right now is more important if you ask me." I shook my head. "Messages." She sustained her groan and began to tap on my phone. She didn't listen to me. She was calling Eddie as soon as I looked up and saw her rummaging through my contacts. I didn't protest and instead waited for her to find his name. I waited for her to dial Eddie and he would soon be on the phone. And I would soon be able to hear his voice again. I grew anxious and anxious.

But before she did call him her phone buzzed. She groaned and placed her finger up for a moment, telling me to wait a second. I sighed and watched as she looked at her screen confused. Her mouth parted and nudged.

"Mel…"

She looked over at me and her demeanor took a complete turn. A mischievous grin appeared and her body giddied up. "Eddie changed his MK concert date. Now it's on Sunday night." My eyes grew wide. My heart palpitations began to increase, my thoughts resonated and I knew what this meant.

"We're going."

And I knew I have no say in this.

* * *

"_Loren-"_

My eyes snapped open and I quickly sat up from my bed. Melissa was silently picking some dresses up. She scrutinized them and placed the ones that she didn't find alluring back on the closet. She turned around and motioned her head to the small nightstand that was resting next to my bed. I rapidly looked over it and recognized his voice. It was broken, distant and forced. I felt my heart to begin beating at a rapid rate and seconds passed. After a sigh and few intakes of breaths his voice resounded. This time it was powerful, determined and he spoke in a slow manner. And I took in every word he said. The urgency he evoked and my body froze.

"_Please Loren… We need to talk about yesterday." _He paused for a moment and a hoarse breath escaped his lips. "_I need to talk to you."_ I closed my eyes and I felt Melissa halt everything she was doing and paid attention to one of the many messages Eddie left me. "_Nothing happened…. Nothing is happening between Chloe and me. We're over… please don't believe anything she told you. Please don't Beautiful." _I began crawling towards the nightstand. My ears listening intently to his raucous voice. His breathing quickened and I leaned back and looked up to the ceiling. My eyes were fixated on the white grain but my mind prolonged to be with him. I pulled my knees close to my body, intertwined the fingers on my hands and wrapped my arms around my legs, locking them in place. "_You have no idea how much it kills me-" _ He choked and an exasperated sigh resonated. "_To know that I hurt you… I didn't mean to Loren. I didn't want any of this happen… I wish I could take it back. I wish that I'd never allowed Chloe to go up… I wish that I had pushed her away as soon as she kissed me."_

Why didn't you? Why didn't you push her away as soon as she did? What held you back? What was going on your mind when it happened?

Why?

Why?

So many questions that I will never know if they'll ever be answered. I blinked a couple of times and without my permission, a couple of tears flowed down my cheek. My vision blurred for a second and my mouth became dry. Temptation struck me hard, anxiety became present but I suppressed them. I restrained the feelings and thoughts that were bound to captivate me. I didn't want to start yelling. I didn't want to start shouting and rage, hysteria taking over me again. I don't need any of this.

And I began to think, what if I never went to that hill on that fateful day? What if I never met Eddie? What if he never met me…? Would I be where I am right now? Would I be on the peak of breaking apart at any given moment? Would I still be Trent's prisoner? Or would I be liberated from him but for the worse, still falling into the depths of my own sorrow?

What would've happened if I never met Eddie?

As much as thought about it. As much as I wanted to lean on the latter which was to never know him, to never appreciate his caresses and firm embraces. I found myself not able to imagine how my life would be without him now that he managed to enter it. I can't picture myself going through a day without a thought of him. I just can't imagine not calling him at 5 o'clock in the morning after my incubus. And the idea of him not appearing unexpectedly at any moment is grieving, I detest it. I loathe it and I abhor how much of an impact he has made in my life.

How wonderful it is to need someone so much? Almost like his is a vital organ within my body and without him, I can't seem to breathe. I need him to finally inhale a breeze of fresh air and leave all my troubles behind. I hate it. I hate it how dependent I have become of him. And at the end of the day, he doesn't feel the way I do. I could be a nuisance to him, a burden that he is stuck with.

Or a toy he uses to be entertained.

"_Call me… please Loren. We need to talk."_ I waited for him to hang up. A part of me wished that he would leave me alone once and for all. But the other part of me wished he would come in barging through that door and rescue me from Trent's haunting spirit, Adrianna and myself. Because it's never really been them who torment and inflict affliction in me. It was always me. I never let Trent's horrific memories go. I let them linger within me and nightmares came to surface every single night. I let Adrianna bring me down. I could've ignored her; I could've walked away every time she began to attack me. But I never did any of that, instead I stayed. I stayed and listened to her. And it was always my fault for letting her get to me. At the end of the day it has always been and will be me.

"And that's message number one out of the many voicemails he sent you…" Melissa quietly stated. Her quick feet walked over to the table and she picked up the phone. Her eyes fixed on my form; she looked at me for a moment before she looked back at the mobile. "So do you want to call him now or keep listening to his messages?"

I swallowed and deliberated on whether to get it over once and for all or just run away from all of this. I bit my lower lip and slowly shook my head. As tempting as it sounds to listen to his voice. As much as I need to hear it, I'm not ready.

Is that another excuse of mine? Is that just an excuse for me to use so I can escape from not calling and confronting him? Is that how weak I have become? But nothing new in all of this, I always did run away from my problems. I never did resolve them.

"Loren please don't tell me you still doubt Eddie?" My gaze averted to Mel and a tear slipped down my cheek. She sighed and her demeanor changed. She placed the phone down on the nightstand. "Think about it, Lo. Do you honestly think Eddie would hurt you intentionally? You heard how choked up he was. He could barely speak… he practically begged you to talk to him. To you it may seem like a failed attempt to lock you up but it's not Loren…"

"It's hard trusting-"

"Yeah. I know a lot about trust. And you know how hard it is for me to actually trust people. But you know what… my judgment tells me that Eddie only wants the best for you. He doesn't want to see you hurt. And the funny thing is he doesn't even know what happened to-"

"Don't even dare." I muttered. My ears rung from the heat of the moment. Melissa sat next to me. "He has to know-" "No he doesn't!" My jaw clenched, my hands turned into fist and Mel shook her head. "Loren… he has to know at some point." "No…" I whispered. He can't know. What will he think of me? How will he view me? He can't-can't know about my past. He never will, I will not allow it. He can't… This is not a possibility; it never crossed my mind to actually tell him. There were some points I did want to let him into all my secrets… but I never did. I was afraid at those moments, I was afraid that he would leave me… And look how the tables have turned.

She heaved a sigh and got off from my bed. She hesitated for a moment and before she walked back to the closet. "You know that I won't give up on you… And also know that he won't give up on you either. He's not leaving any time soon and I don't think he ever will. You need to accept the fact that he does truly care about you Loren. Deep down you know it too; you're just too stubborn to admit… But Eddie will keep fighting for you and even when you think you can't… he'll be alongside you, with or without knowing about your past."

I casted down my eyes and fidgeted. And I couldn't help but contemplate her words. True or not, it's alluring to believe them… But that would mean getting my hopes high. Getting my hopes high means another disappointment down the drain. And I can't have any of that. Would I be able to take it? I don't think I can, but I'm not going to stay tune and find out.

"Turn on the TV will ya? This place is giving me the creeps or call Eddie. The latter sounds better!"

I picked up the control remote and watched the TV black screen shimmer with white. My vision adjusted to the new source of light and I watched the screen before me. "Go to TMZ!" I groaned and flipped through the channels. I placed the control beside me and watched a blond, petite women talk to me. She had a flirtatious smile, her hands were on her hips and her hot pink dress flowed down. She had heels too high for my own comfort and her blue eyes gleamed with delight. She began speaking and I wanted nothing more to drown. Her high pitch voice sounded much to like Adrianna's.

"_Today in TMZ we have the hottest and most chased after news of today. You guessed it folks, Eddie Duran and Drama."_

"Wait! What?" Melissa in no time sat next to me and watched the TV with genuine interest. I became smaller by the second as I watched pictures of him flashed through my screen. "_As we all know Eddie Duran has been found wondering around with his "friend"-"She_ emphasized the air quotes and I wanted to cover myself from this humiliation. "_Is she really a friend? Or is she something more to Eddie? Look at the pictures that were taken between these two wondering off and about in Ruby's Breakfast Club, Miss Tate's school and some even spotted them lock hand in hand walking over a hill. Ladies and gentlemen do I sense a new romance coming to surface?"_

Several pictures were shown, one in the restaurant, the other one at school with Eddie's arms wrapped tightly around me then me getting into the car. Another one was us walking over Griffith Hill and out hands was interlaced. But that didn't really get my attention, what did was my face. It was calm… almost peaceful. Eddie had a rosy tint on his cheeks and he was looking at me. The same gentle look on his face but I didn't notice it, I was looking away pointing at something. When did it happen? When were our hands ever intertwined? How did it happen? And it dawned to me. That day that he proclaimed me as his Valentines. We were walking back down the hill and he cautiously brushed his hands against mine. "**Look over there." **He pointed over to the other side of the hill and I became indefinitely lost in the millions of kites floating in the air, each held by string and controlled by an innocent child. I looked at them with fascination as I always wanted to fly one myself, but my childhood never allowed it. I had other things to worry about instead of when my next kite expedition will be. "**It's a sight isn't it?" **I nodded in agreement. "**Never really seen this first hand so I guess I find it beautiful." **He chuckled lightly. "**It is but not as much as you, Beautiful." **I shrugged and continued to stare at the scene. I bumped into Eddie's shoulder and he had taken the opportunity to grab my hand. I felt a firm grip, but I didn't mind it. Instead, I found placidity in the warmth he was giving to me.

"_But is there relationship on the rocks? Is it a bumpy road right now for these two lovebirds?" _A faded yell sounded off from the TV. Blondie laughed mockingly and shrugged. "_Apparently some people in this studio dislike the word "lovebirds" and Eddie Duran with Loren Tate together. I actually like them together, they complement each other. I think it's nice that Eddie Duran is stepping up his game and going for the wholesome girl now. Because people, you must admit, Loren Tate is attractive. That's my opinion; many disagree and believe that Loren and Eddie are wrong for each other. But c'mon Chloe Carter was wrong. Loren Tate is the deal and Eddie definitely showed it today." _A triumphant smile appeared on her face and she raised her eyebrows to one of the people behind the cameras. Her eyes averted to the screen and I felt like she was talking to me. "_Loren Tate what have you done to Mr. Duran? You have him on the edge and desperate for your time and attention."_

"Whoa. I like her."

"Shh."

"_Many sources sent me tons of pictures of Eddie Duran waiting at the back of the school that Loren goes to. He waited for three hours straight-"_

"He was at school…" I whispered incredulous. Melissa smiled and nudged my shoulder. "Told you." I looked over at the TV and she continued speaking. "_From the looks of the pictures he looked desperate, in need to talk to Loren. What happened between them? I hope Loren lets him in and they can fix things because I hate to see Mr. Duran in such pain. Don't you? So to all those Leddie fans- isn't it cute! - send your condolences to Eddie and motivate him to fight for his girl. And Loren, baby, please forgive your man."_

I let out a breathless sigh and leaned back. "So how about that phone call." Mel stated and I laughed bitterly and continued to look at the TV as pictures of Eddie waiting of my school showed. Eddie leaning back in the car, eyes pressed, body tense. Eddie running a hand through his hair, his expression full of emotion. Eddie asking some students about me. The next, it showed him slouched in disappointment. Eddie and fans asking for autographs; he, courtly, signed them. And I wondered: did one of them go up to him and told him what happened today?

"_Next on TMZ: Chloe Carter interview with Lily Parks."_

My eyes fluttered and I was soon staring at a black wavy haired, Asian looking women staring at the TV. Her piercing red lips were damaging to my eyes but soon the scene showed Chloe Carter. My face stiffened and I watched as she had a smirk on her face. I felt Melissa quickly get a hold of the remote. I placed my hand on hers. "Leave it."

"Loren I don't think this is-"

"Leave it." I repeated.

"_So Chloe can you tell us about your break up with Eddie?"_

"_What break up? Eddie and I never broke up; we're still going strong and healthy. Sorry girls, he's still taken."_

"How delusional can someone be?" Melissa muttered.

"_But what about those rumors with Loren Tate. They look-"_

"_They're rumors. Just that. What would Eddie see in that dead beat? She's nothing and Eddie just picked her up from the dirt because he felt sorry for her. And that's all he is doing, out of pity he hangs out with her. He is a very thoughtful person and thought that she needed a friend. When it could be that she deceived him into thinking that so she could get closer to him. But I saw through her lies, I know what she's planning."_

"What? That doesn't even make sense. She spits lies and even she doesn't understand them. Lo… let's turn it off."

"No." I whispered. I watched the TV carefully, intently looking at Chloe. Her impeccable form was placed in front of me. Model, actress, gorgeous and all a man can want. Something I'm not… Something I will never be. And she's right, what would Eddie see in me?

"_So you think Eddie is doing this out of charity work, to benefit his image?"_

"_Of course! It's all about reputation around Hollywood and he needs to uphold it. And anyways," _She smiled viciously and flashed her hands on the camera. My eyes grew wide, and everything stopped. "_We're engaged!" _A diamond, the size of a penny, was located on her ring finger. "Really! She would even make a lie like that! Seriously she is worse than Adrianna!" Melissa shrieked with rage she stood up and blocked the TV. I was looking at a pile of bracelets on the floor. And I recognized the white envelope. I breathed heavily, still processing what she just said. I became indignant to my surroundings. "They're engage…" I said. So it was all a lie… he never broke up with her. I was just used to look good for his image. I am no one. I am nothing. Used. Used. USED. I am nothing in the end. "Loren… please don't tell me you believe that lie. Lo, don't."

"They're engaged…" My chest heaved up and down and I didn't know what hurt more. Being used and betrayed or that he lied to me and made me feel wanted but in the end it was all a show for his image. What is this? What am I feeling? Is it heart break? No… it can't be.

In a sudden, the door banged opened. Someone violently strolled in and a sigh escaped. The person ran a hand through her hair and quickly shut off the TV. I looked up and stared into the eyes of my mother. Her face was flushed and her eyes, pain yet filled with rage.

"We need to talk." She said between her teeth. I watched her walk forward to me and I became smaller and smaller. She knows. She swallowed and shook her head. "I know everything." I flinched at her tone. "Why didn't you tell me?" I shook my head. "Who told you?"

"Who else honey? Eddie."

I bit my lip and my mother slumped down on the bed. "Why Loren? Why didn't you tell me what happened yesterday?" I shrugged and a bitter smile appeared. "I guess I-I didn't know how to."

"Bullshit, Honey."

I averted my gaze to her, taken aback by her tone. She shook her head and stood up. "What did Eddie tell you?"

"Everything." She looked at me. "From the moment Chloe entered his apartment to the moment you left." I pulled the covers up and shook her head. "No honey, this isn't something you'll be able to hide. No-no, you are going to confront this issue. You are going to resolve things with Eddie and you are going to let him explain himself."

"I don't need to-"

"Oh yes you do."

"Mom… I know what I saw yesterday. I know that he used me-"

"Oh yeah? Did Eddie tell you that? Did he, himself, came up to you and made you feel like shit? Tell me Loren did Eddie ever make you feel like that?"

My body quivered and I didn't respond. "Then if he didn't, then who told you that Eddie was using you? Who? Chloe? Please tell me that you don't actually believe anything she told you."

"I know what I saw." I repeated. My head was piercing and I wanted this to end. But my mom didn't, she continued speaking and the only thing on my mind was the scenes back in Eddie's penthouse. _I know what I saw. I know what I saw. _I repeated over and over again. But do I?

"What you saw was a lie played out by Chloe. Don't you understand how deceiving and conniving she is? Why in the world would you believe her word over Eddie when he only wanted to help you? The poor guy doesn't know what to do right now! He came to me spilling his heart out! He told me how he wished none of this happened; he confessed to me how much he hates himself for doing this to you. He didn't mean to hurt you Loren. Understand this."

"Why should I believe him?" I stayed put on the bed and my mother shook her head. "Because he would do anything to see you smile. He would do anything to see you happy. He would do anything to see you again. He thoughtfully sent you a thousand flowers to you today; he called you so many times. Calls you never answered because in that little head of yours you were picturing the worst case scenarios. You think that everyone is against you, and honey, you need to change that mindset. You need to start living and leave the God damn past behind. Don't be stuck in the past, I know it's hard… I know how much we suffered but we can't let him control our lives. He is gone; he got what he deserved and now we must forget about him and let him go. Loren, don't let him ruin your life and start living. It pains me to see you like this…"

I wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheek and my mom gently caressed them. She stroked my cheek with her thumb and sighed. "Chloe would do anything to have Eddie back. Lying and breaking you apart are one of them. Don't let her win. Don't believe in her… believe in Eddie." She sat next to me and scooted closer to me. She wrapped her arms around me and ran her hand through my hair. She was trying to stop my body from trembling; she was attempting to bring me to sanity and rationality. "Have you heard about the date change in his concert?" I nodded and I whimpered in her embrace. I wrapped my arms around her small frame and she tightened her hold. "He did it for you, just like he took time of his busy schedule to spend time with you. Just like he came today at school to see you again. And I promised him you will be going. You are going Loren."

"Mom-"

"And that's final. No buts. I trust Eddie and you should too." She quietly stood up and kissed my forehead. "Mel be in charge of putting an outfit together. We're leaving in 45 minutes."

I looked at her in an instant. "I thought the concert was on Sunday." She smiled and shook her head. "No Honey, that's another one. This one is exclusively for you."

She left from where she had barged into and Melissa walked over to me. She extended her arms and I took it. "Let's go see Eddie."

I nodded and wiped the remaining tears, not completely forgetting about the envelope.

* * *

"Don't tell my mom." I choked. Melissa gasped in horror and gently traced my back, a little below my waist. "Loren I-I"

"Please don't." I bit my lips and Mel nodded. A small gasp escaped her mouth and her hand left my back. "How did it happen?"

I shrugged and began slipping on the black, long dress. "It was always the same situation. He was drunk and furious. He took his anger out on me and-" I shook my head and Melissa nodded.

Some stories are better left unsaid.

"Loren-"

"My mom doesn't know… it's better if it stays that way."

She didn't utter another word and looked at me. A small smile formed on her face, "You look beautiful. Who knew Loren Tate had a body?" She grabbed my hand and motioned me to twirl. I complied and her smile widened. "Are you kidding me…? I hate my body." I whispered. She looked at me for a fraction of a second a small smile appeared over her features. "Anyone would kill to have it so appreciate it."

"Nobody wants-" I signaled to my body, "Me. I prefer to have your body. You're curvy and have meat; in all the right places too."

She fixed my straightened hair and bit her lip. "I don't know… I guess I never learned to love it. Many tell me I do but I was really self-conscious with my body during middle school. Did you hear about Flabby Melly once?" She muttered. I pressed my lips together and nodded curtly. "That was me. I was bullied because of my weight. I was always a little bit heavier than most girls in school so many harassed me and Flabby Melly was a name they gave me."

"Adrianna." I said. Instantly, remembering the girl whom cried in the bathroom every day during lunch. The girl who kids threw food at her and she left running, tears silently rolling down her face. The girl whom people targeted spit balls at her. I was a witness of all of this, but I was as bad as them. I never did anything to help her and stood in the side lines watching everything. And I never hated myself more than this instant. "Yeah… she was the leader of the main groupie who made middle school miserable… That's why I hate her so much. She made me feel so low and horrible about myself. She treated me harshly and whenever I saw her, I hated myself for letting her get to me… " She bit her lip and tear rolled down her cheek. And I never seen her look so fragile and broken like I do right now. Melissa, the one who is defiant and speaks with so much urgency and authority is letting her feelings out. Melissa, my best friend. "Flabby Melly that was me." She choked and my arms wrapped around her body. I felt hers embrace me back and she whimpered in my hold. "I'm sorry." I whispered a tear running down my cheek. She shook her head. "Don't cry!" She clutched on the fabric of my dress and shook me gently. "You're ruining your make up and you're making me cry!" She sighed.

"Here I found this while looking for accessories." She, out of nowhere, shoved the envelope in between us. I nodded and pulled away. She wiped a tear and turned around quickly to the mirror. I looked down and bit my lip.

I'm so sorry.

"Loren…." She whispered. I looked up and met her gaze in the mirror but she wasn't looking at me. Instead she was looking straight at my collarbone. I swallowed and knew where this was headed. "Where's the necklace?" I clutched the white envelope and laughed nervously. "I don't have it…" Melissa groaned and shook her head in condemnation. "Are you serious? Did you lose it? OH god, Loren."

"I didn't lose it…" I whisper.

"Then where is it?"

I exhale and shrugged. "I gave it back to Eddie."

A groan and Mel ran a hand through her curly hair in disbelief and discontent. "Are you for real?" She stalked out of the room and left me all to myself. I suspired and scrutinized myself in the mirror. A small smile made its way as I stared at the stranger in the mirror.

_Who is this? _

* * *

My dress flowed back behind me and I clutched on both Melissa's and my mother's arms. They both chuckled as I tried my best to walk in the three inch heels. "How the hell do people walk in this?" I cussed and ventured down the sidewalk. My hair flowed backwards as the wind blew, my dress tightly hung to me and I held my breath as I made out **MK **in huge letters. I swallowed and I felt my grip intensified. "Relax." My mom whispered and I nodded, not completely paying attention to her. My heart began pounding as we walked in, my forehead began sweating small droplets and I found myself that I couldn't breathe. I bit my lip and tasted cherry. I was anxious… I was nervous.

But I needed to see him.

We entered the club and it was empty. Only a tall, lean, blonde hair woman was standing behind a table. The bartender, she greeted us with a welcoming smile and I felt the 'feel at home' atmosphere. I reciprocated her smile and she nodded, winking at me. I turned to my mom and she pushed me forward. "Go." I groaned and walked with my 'impossible to walk' heels and stood in the front line of the stage. "I'll be talking to Max. Don't leave, okay." And she was gone. I watched the stage and a girl with two men were setting up the stage. In the center there was this exquisite, grand, black piano. I began walking away, still no sign of Eddie.

"You must be Loren." A husky voice said. I turned around and I met alluring green eyes. He flashed me a smile and I nodded. I felt intimidated all of the sudden. He was attractive, very but something about him was different. It could've been the mischievous smile or the deleterious glint in his gorgeous green eyes. The drink he had on his hand was placed on the counter and he trailed down my body. "Not bad. Duran boy has good taste." Our eyes met and he took a step closer. I smiled nervously.

"I don't bite, babe." I nodded and sighed. "Loren Tate." "I know pretty well who you are, considering that you've been the topic of every conversation I have had with Eddie dearest." He picked his drink up and took a chug. "Now I know why he is crazy about you, I think I am fan of you Loren Tate."

"Yet I still don't know who you are."

"Ouch." He dramatically placed his hand on his chest and flinched. I smiled softly. "That hurt but I guess it'll do." He extended his arm and I shook his hand. He had a loose grip but his smile remained. "Tyler Rorke. Eddie Duran's best friend."

"Umm Excuse me mate. I think you're speaking about me."

A distinct British accent sounded off and a man with dashing blue eyes flung his arm around Tyler's shoulder and looked at him for a moment and then averted his gaze to me. He grinned and I am in a room filled with unrealistically good looking people. Tyler spared him a glance before looking back at me. His eyes trailed down to my neck and he nudged his friend. They both looked at me and a frown hover their faces. Dashing eyes and Tyler nodded in disapproval. They dismissed the moment and I placed my hands on my bare neck. The necklace gone and I reminisce how I had shoved it in his hands before leaving the apartment. I had taken it off and as soon as those words escaped my mouth, I gave it back to him. He had punched the wall with the fist that had his beloved mother's necklace. "_You're hurting me." _I had told him… "_You're hurting me…" _Did I mean it? Was it just something it slipped out of my mouth unconsciously? I didn't really think those words would really have such a huge impact on him. I didn't think he would take it to heart. But I also didn't think I would be here or anything that has happened for that matter. And the never ending turmoil in my mind always comes back.

Questions after questions and I can never seem to stop asking myself, Why? What happened? I gripped the small metallic objects on my hand and I felt the edge of one of them pierce through my skin.

"You're excuse. Now leave me and Ms. Tate alone. We were catching up on the introductions and now we're going to break the ice."

Exuberant blue eyes pushed insidious green eyes and he looked at me with a genuine smile. "Ian Tiede, at your service Ms. Loren Tate." I nodded and smiled back. "Aw Ian, is that how you win women by being all gentlemanly."

"I don't like your strategy. The whole bad boy act is revolting actually. Don't be deceived Loren, he still sleeps with his blanket named Blankie. Creative lad we have here." He patted his back and Tyler scowled at him.

"Loren! The show is about to start!"

Melissa's blustering voice trailed behind me and I sighed in relief when she saved me from these two 'enchanting' men. She stood next to me and looked at me with a concern look in her face. I smiled as her hair was curled up and she was wearing light make up today. Her dress was nothing to flashy, well for her at least. A tight ruby colour dressed which hugged her figure. It complemented her curves and she accessorized it with a couple of colorful bracelets and her black pumps added height to her. She squeezed my shoulder reassuringly and I nodded. I turned back to Ian and Tyler and they were ogling at Mel. Ian stepped forward but Tyler pushed him back. After a glare a scowl they looked back at Mel. Tyler winked at her, Ian smiled suggestively, both completely checking her out. Mel looked at them for a moment, contemplated on how good looking they were and turned back on me. "He's on in a minute. Are you ready?"

"It's not a big deal Mel…"

"Well for Ed it is." Ian spoke. I looked at them and their playful demeanor faded. Tyler was no longer smiling and he looked at me, "Don't be fooled Loren, this means a lot to him."

"And I'm positive it means a lot to you too." Ian said, capturing my attention. I nibbled on my lip and gently clutched the soft material with my free hand. I nodded and all of the sudden the lights went off. "Loren…?" I turned around to a sudden voice standing beside me. I looked up and met a man in his fifties, gray hair was becoming evident, but his blue eyes still had this spark in them. It made him look young and again, I am in a room filled with good looking people. "Hi…" I said shyly recognizing who he was. He smiled warmly and I was instantly wrapped in an embrace. "It's so great meeting you! I've heard a lot about you." He whispered. I nodded and smiled back. He sighed and I turned back to the stage. "Give Eddie chance, okay." Was all he said before quietly disappearing from my side? And I took in how I was the only one in the front line, Tyler and Ian were gone. Mel had left my side. I was the only one who stood at a close proximity to the stage.

I held my breath as the room turned quiet and a light was placed right above the piano. I swallowed as I heard footsteps making their way into the stage. My hands turned into fists and my mind began to tumble back and forth. I closed my eyes for a second. And I heard nothing. I slowly opened them and looked up the stage.

I was finally able to breathe.

Our eyes locked. Sparkling brown meeting dull Hazel. I bit my lip and he smiled. I watched as his widened as he was not able to sustain it. And I felt one form on my face. He nodded and sighed in relief. And all the annulling and pessimistic discerning I had created of him was growing dimmer. We continued to look at each other. We continued to gaze at each other, our focus on the other. I pressed my lips together and his moved silently.

_You came._

He had whispered. He bit his lower lip and sat on the stool, our eyes never leaving each other. He cleared his throat and I stood there looking at him look at me. Our eyes locked and I felt as if we were the only ones in the room. It was only him and me.

Before he began playing, his gaze left me for a moment. He exhaled and kissed his fisted hands. Looking up, he pointed towards the sky and smile resonated. He positioned himself and our eyes were once again occluded. He pressed the piano keys and I watched him.

_**What I would do  
To see you again  
What I would say  
For the first time**_

**Cause time is on a thread**  
**You don't know what you lost and broken**  
**Turn your head away but it's pretty safe to say**  
**I was foolish**

**I want you, I need you**  
**There's nothing I would change**

**I'm falling into you**  
**I'm falling into you**  
**There's nothing I can do**  
**I'm breathless without you**  
**So I will breathe in and breathe out**

**What I would do**  
**To feel you again**  
**I'm standing on the edge**  
**And I know that you're my ledge**  
**And I hold**  
**And I hold**

**I see you, I feel you**  
**There's nothing I would change**

**I'm falling into you**  
**I'm falling into you**  
**There's nothing I can do**  
**I'm breathless without you**  
**So I will breathe in and breathe out**  
**So I will breathe in and breathe out**

**You can't have what you can't touch**  
**And it hurts, babe**  
**Some birds are too bright to cage**  
**It's so strange how the strong ones**  
**Are the first ones but I don't want you to fall**

**I'm falling into you**  
**I'm falling into you**  
**There's nothing I can do**  
**I'm breathless without you**  
**So I will breathe in and breathe out**  
**So I will breathe in and breathe out**

The stool slid back. Fell crashing on the floor. It all happened too fast. It all went too fast. I fluttered my eyes, blinked a couple times and found myself being lifted off the ground. His muscular arms were wrapped around my small frame, my arms were wrapped around his neck and my feet were a few centimeters away from the floor.

And I felt safe. Protected. I felt wanted, needed.

I didn't feel like nothing, like no one. I didn't feel like a waste of space.

And we stayed there in each other arms, his hold a little bit tighter than mine and I never felt secured like I do now. I can breathe. I realized how foolish I was.

I should've never doubted him.

A tear rolled down, then another one. And before I could stop them, I was crying in his arms.

"I'm sorry."

He choked and I shook my head. "I'm sorry." He repeated again.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

**Whoo this is the longest chapter. Almost 8k words! Damn. Okay so yeah I made it long because I was getting tired of Loren's doubt so I did this! And because I want to get on with Leddie and I thought "Well I guess we have to help Loren realized she needs to believe in Eddie. So Let's have everyone push her into it!" And hence, Nora was the very supportive mother who didn't want to take any of Loren's BS. Poor her though :/. I also took the chance to introduce Ian, Tyler and Max! Yeah, Yeah. It's what it looks like, Mel got them two chasing after her. We'll see how that turns out xD. Now that Max is in this means MANORA! Hell yes! I personally want to get into Leddie more than ever now, next chapter I think you'll love.**

**P.S. OMG to the wonderful guest who told me to listen to "Arms" by Chritina Perri. I. LOVE. YOU. I listened to it and thought "Wow this described how Loren feels, since I made it pretty evident that she digs Eddie muscular arms and being held by them." So I thank you once again and guys, this goes to anybody. If you want me to listen to a song that goes with this story please do. It actually makes me happy because it means that you guys think about this story and relate it to those sad and morose songs. I would love to hear them so then I could relate them and have titles for the next coming chapters.**

**P.S.S. Okay so I didn't mention in the last chapter but... I ruined someones day :(. Ahhh I'm sorry. A little bit late but :/. But your reviews! I reached 100 in the last chapter and now have 112. This makes me extremely happy and grateful that you guys like this story!**

**P.S.S.S Estefy omg! Don't worry I'm here to listen to you okay! And no you will find him someday just keep being your awsome, beautiful self and thank you. It means a lot that you can relate to my story. And yeah, Adrianna is more bitchy on here... Chloe, umm well we'll see with her in the next future chapters.**

**Song: Listen to "Falling into You" By Cody Longo. I recommend to listen to the song when Eddie starts singing it. It creates a better feel. Okay :D**

**Stay True,**

**Leddiexx**


	9. Arms

**_Arms_**

The feeling is extraneous. Foreign but it feels… right. Being completely wrapped around his tenacious arms, his hitched breathing pressed against my neck, his body rigid, almost shaky, and the soft and confound words escaping his mouth inundiate me into an undiminished serenity. I feel at ease. I feel safe, secure with him holding me vigorously and I get the feeling that he is proving something to me.

He will never let me go.

His hold is indestructible and there is no such thing as time at this instant. It is infinite. My arms are securely wrapped around his neck as he supported both of our weights. They're unyielding and he continued to whisper his sweet words. My feet hung a few centimeters of the ground, but I didn't mind it. Not when I feel such contentment.

"I'm sorry." His broken voice echoed inside me and I took in each word. I nodded but he proceeded to say it over and over again.

"I'm sorry."

My body shivered slightly causing his hold on me to tighten powerfully. A silent sob escaped and he gently placed me down. A few tears gradually rolled down my cheek. His arms departed away from my frail body as they came to rest next to his sides. I wanted nothing more but to be in them again, wrapped firmly around me. I wanted to feel impregnable and protected from Trent, Adrianna and myself. I bit my lower lip and stared at the Yin and Yang amulet hanging down on his chest. A small smile appeared over my features as I read the name engraved on in.

_Loren._

My mind reverberated to the firm grip on my hand. The sharp edge is still piercing through my skin but not enough to cause discomfort or blood to sip out. "Loren…" At the sound of the sweet call of my name, I immediately looked up to see his eyes softly looking at me. I stared off into his brown eyes, glistening, yet gently gazing at me with so much pain and dulcitude. His hand lightly rested on my cheeks. His sweet caresses were genial and I melted into them. His other hand cupped my cheek and he leaned closer to me. His breathing was still uncontrollable and his demeanor showed remorse, anguish yet kindness and tenderness. He swallowed and I held my breath.

"I didn't mean to hurt you…"

He said below a whisper and I casted down my eyes. My teeth clenched together as flashbacks began to haunt me once again. My mind began creating the worst possible scenarios and the scenes played games with my head. But it was all dispersed as soon I felt his forehead press on mine and his hands drop down to my waist. I was forced to look at him.

"It was never my intention to hurt you… please believe me."

He clutched my waist and I hesitantly placed my hands on his chest. With my unoccupied hand, I gripped his fitting black shirt into a fist. "Loren… Chloe is nothing to me. She had barged into my apartment without my permission. We argued, I wanted her out but she didn't leave no matter what I told her."

I nibbled on my lower lip and Eddie's hands stayed where they were. Securely on my waist. My head was beginning to spin, and thoughts were consuming me. I averted my gaze from his eyes and fixated it on his collar.

"Beautiful, look at me."

His fingers lifted my chin up and he lurched back, producing space between us. Our eyes locked and he shook his head. "What you saw was not what it seemed… she forcedly jumped at me and kissed me. It only lasted for a few seconds and then you came…"

"I didn't mean to interrupt."

A frustrated sigh escaped, "You didn't interrupt anything. Nothing was happening. I pushed her away as quickly as I could." A bitter smile formed. "I guess it wasn't fast enough…"

"Why are you telling me this…?" I choked and he softly wiped the tear that was rolling down my cheek. "You have the right to know… I messed up Loren and I don't want things to be bad between us."

"We're okay." I whispered.

"No we're not." He stated. I shook my head and he suspired. "You left without letting me explain to you what happened. You left the apartment crying and your words are still ringing and it was the only thing I thought about. I didn't mean to hurt you. I never planned to." He sighed. "You avoided me. All my calls were sent straight to voicemail. I waited hours for you to text me or call me back. I wanted to see you and make things right. I wanted everything to go back to how it was. I wanted nothing more but to talk to you but you never replied. These past two days have been hell for me. The idea that you hated me crossed my mind countless of times and I began hating myself too. I waited hours for you yesterday, impatiently waiting for you and to talk to you. But you never came and I was hopeless. I didn't know what else to do so I talked to Nora and we came up with this idea. It was the only way to see you again."

I fluttered my eyes a couple of times and few tears slipped down. I took in everything he said and I shook my head again. "I don't hate you." I murmured and he smiled. "I never did." I reassured and he nodded.

"I'll never hurt you. You can count on that. But if I do ever mess up again, please don't-" He choked, "Don't run away from me again. And if you do, this time I will run after you."

My eyes widened, my heart beat quickened and the sincerity of his words sunk in deep. My mouth parted slightly and his eyes trailed down to my lips. He slightly bit his lower lip and I realized just how close we were. One hand cupped my cheek, the other placed strands of hair behind my ear and he gently held my head, pulling me closer to him. I averted my gaze from his eyes to his mouth. I took in our proximity, the space between us diminishing each passing second and I began closing my eyes.

Giving in to the moment.

There's a first time for everything.

Like your first words you barely manage to utter when you're a toddler. Or your first baby steps and then you fall on the ground with a thud following and your mother picking you up with tears welling up and pride evident on her face. Or maybe that first time you fed yourself. Or the very first time you broke your arm and you still remember the abominable pain, but it soon faded as you found comfort in the sky blue cast. Or your first date with the boy you have been crushing on for a while now. And it seemed like an infinity for him to finally ask you out. Or your first kiss.

Or the very first time your heart got broken and it felt like it was the end of the world. But you recovered and knew there will be more heart aches.

There's a first for everything. And for me, I want to cherish this moment. Relish it and hold it forever in my heart and memory. I want to reminisce when I felt wanted, almost needed.

I felt important. Vital, essential. Like I wasn't the only one who felt breathless when he wasn't around. I'm not suffocating; I'm slowly swimming my way up. Slow and precise strokes, but I'm going towards the compelling light cascading down the empty abyss.

The warmth his hand was providing was comforting, and I abated in his delicate touch. His other hand pulled me closer to him and my eyes completely shut. My breathing tethered and I became aware of my heart beating lavishly. His breathing too was hastily hitched. My hand gently lay on his chest, loosely gripping the soft material.

Maybe it's wrong what we're about to do. Maybe I should be careful and not go full in. Maybe I should take a step back and reiterate my thoughts. I should.

But I don't care anymore.

I'm already falling… And I find myself extending my arms wide open, waiting for his strong arms to wrap tightly around me and hold me forever. To never lose his grip on me. To never let me go. I find myself falling deeper and deeper.

His eyes were fixated on my lips, as they were slightly parted and I waited in contemplation. My eyes opened imperceptibly and I took a glimpse of his crimson red cheeks. His brown orbs trailed from my ruby red lips to my dull eyes and a tender smile formed. I reciprocated his gesture and a timid one marked my face. I suspired and he cocked his head in confusion.

"Does a kiss take this painfully slow to happen?"

I blurted. His eyes widened and I bit my tongue. My face turned scarlet in embarrassment. Abashed, I gripped his shirt and he chuckled lightly. "Loren…" He whispered and I swallowed the lump that had accumulated from my thoughts and the words I wanted to say. His hands softly slipped back to my waist and he looked at me intently. There was restraint in his eyes. There was hesitation in his body movements as he cautiously leaned towards me. My eyes averted to his and he pressed his eyebrows, almost as if he was deliberating over something.

Of course he wouldn't want to kiss me. Why would he? I extinguish any hope that had arisen from the moment and waited in anticipation for him to pull away. My hands rested limply on my sides, but his grip on my waist was intact. Never ceasing to loosen.

"Eddie!"

The moment was interrupted; it left as soon as it came. The strong yell behind us caught us off guard and he unwilling let go of me. I casted down my eyes and watched his hand hold mine. His fingers interlaced with mine and he squeezed it reassuringly. I smiled and looked up to meet his gaze. He pressed his lips on my forehead and let them linger for a few seconds before his friend pervaded. Eddie looked up to him and he sighed. "What do you want Ian?" Irritation was evident but Ian disdained the edginess in his voice and averted his eyes between Eddie and me. He cleared his throat and scratched his head. "The witch is here." He stated sheepishly. A suspire resounded and I instantly looked at Eddie. His eyes landed on me and concern filled them. "Loren-" "It's okay." I intervened immediately. Eddie was still not convinced as he continued to look at me worryingly. I shook my head in reassurance and shrugged. "I trust you and it-"

"NO! LET ME GO! I NEED TO TALK TO EDDIE! MAX LET ME GO!"

"Jesus, this chick. I still don't see what you ever saw in her." Tyler was walking over to us, rubbing a hand on his left cheek. "She's a twig that hits like a man." The hold on my hand tightened and I leaned my head on Eddie's shoulder as he placed a light kiss on my head. "Is she gone?"

"No. Max, Nora and sweet pea are taking care of her. I tried to help then she slapped when I carried her to the front." He kept massaging his wound. "Is it red?" His hand let go and he pointed to the perturbing sanguine bruise forming on his cheek. I cringed and nodded. Tyler groaned and narrowed his eyes at Eddie. "This is what I get for trying to help you. You owe me one; this isn't a face who can afford to get injured." Heels clashed against the floor and a exasperated sigh sounded. "She's even more complicated than me and no one is as stubborn as me!" Melissa sat on the stool and ran a hand through her curls. She flinched in annoyance as she yelled again.

"EDDIE!"

"Can someone put a sock in that chick?" Ian sat next to Mel and passed her a water bottle. I felt Eddie groan and I turned to look at him. He caressed my cheek, "I'll go settle things with her…"

"I'll go with you."

"No." He said too quickly. He cleared his throat and regained his composure. "Stay here, I-I don't want her to get to you again." He said before swiftly stroking my cheek and walked towards the exit. I watched as he completely vanished as soon as he made a turn around the corner. I bit my lower lip and smiled when I heard a screech sounding from that direction. No worries. I began strutting towards where Ian and Mel were. They were indulged in their conversation and Melissa giggled extrovertly. Ian leaned back on the counter and I noticed the way he would sneak glances from Melissa when she would turn around. I felt imprudent to their space and instead of interrupting them; I let them be and sat a couple of seats away from them. I rested my forearm on the cold marvel counter and pressed my chin on my arms. I scrutinized the circular patterns on them and waited patiently for Eddie to come back.

"Want something to drink?"

My eyes averted upwards to meet irksome and vile black eyes. A sly smile appeared and he leaned on the counter. I backed away as I inhaled his strong, accentuated scent. He looked fixedly at me and I grew ten kinds of uncomfortable. I incommodiously moved on the stool and cleared my throat. "Coke, please." I murmured and he chuckled forcedly. "Coke coming your way." He walked over to the other side of the counter and I exhaled in relief. I straightened my dress and I opened the palm of my hand. I attentively stared at the intricate designs enveloping the circular shape necklace. _Yin and Yang. _I smiled and traced the letters forming his name with my fingers.

My mind was detracted from the silver jewelry when a cup was placed in front of me. I stared at the bubbles forming at the top and in the content, water perspiring and clinging to the crystal glass. The bartender began tapping his fingers on the counter capturing my attention. I met his suggesting gaze as he licked his slips. My jaw clenched and I smiled warily. "Umm thank you."

"No problem." I nodded and my eyes fell back to the necklace on my hand. I held it carefully, cautious to not let it fall.

"So Eddie Duran huh?"

He spoke again and I nodded.

"He's cool. Nice guy… just that you know- his relationships don't last very long." My mouth set in a straight line and I stared at the necklace. "Um you know that model Chloe Carter? Yeah she's hot but apparently he can't settle for one girl and needs to try all of them. Huh? Sick guy." I looked at the white and black symbols and tried to vanish him and his words.

He's trying to get me. Just like everyone else. They're trying to bring me down…

"Don't get me wrong he is a nice guy… just when it completely benefits him."

I nodded and kept my head hung low. I didn't dare to look at him. I proceeded to look at the jewelry; it was the only way for me not to let him get to me. I can't let him. I can't.

I have to be stronger than this.

I believe in Eddie. I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me… I know. Is this another obstacle? Is this another demon sent to me to bring me an incapacitating hell to me? Is this another demon sent to show how feeble I am?

No.

I won't let them get to me.

I won't fall again. I won't be deceived again.

I've had enough.

"Look, you're obviously gorgeous and I just want to spare your feelings before you get hurt, you know? Eddie Duran is not what he appear-"

"Umm-" I caught him off and laughed nervously. "Look-umm thank you but I don't need your advice or anything from you for that matter."

"Look babe," He lurched closer and leaned farther. An insidious grin appeared and I shivered as his eyes shone mischievously. "I'm just looking out for you. And I know for a fact that Eddie Duran is not right for you."

"Huh? And who are you to decide that?"

"Someone who has been around long enough to know what's behind his whole sweet and nice rock star act. Nobody is nice to be nice around here. Its Hollywood babe, you're in a tank full of sharks. They won't eat you until they get what they want from you and when they do, they all charge at you. Devouring anything that is left of you."

"And that could be the worst analogy I have ever heard."

"You won't believe me?"

"What are you trying to do?"

He chuckled and shrugged. "Duran, he always gets the beautiful and dangerous women, the one everyone wants. Chloe Carter, I had a chance with her but the gold digger saw money in his hands and he got her. And now he's going for the sweet, vulnerable and wholesome girl. And guess what? I think I want her too." I soughed. "That's nice. What don't you go look for her?"

"Ah you're the self-conscious one. You do know I'm talking about you, right?"

"I-I" He shook his head. "It sucks that you don't really realize how every men in this room were staring at you as soon as you entered. Hell, I was looking at you throughout his wannabe soulful song."

I bit my lip.

"You serious?" He picked up the glass and took a long chug. "Loren Tate, I want you and I don't even know you. So what do you say? Let's ditch Pretty rock star and let's go have a blast. Cuz Babe, I will rock your world like no other."

I cringed in disgust and stood up rapidly. I clutched the necklace and he quickly grabbed my arm. "Where are you going? Ah don't leave me, not when _I want you and I need you._ Cheesy lyrics he came up with huh? Tell me you didn't fall for that charade? Serenading you? I can do that."

I looked at his hand gripping my arm tightly, too harsh. And I never detested someone so fast, so quickly like I grew to hate him. Repugnance and abhorrence completely consumed me towards this person who I just met. I was never the one to be violent, or I don't think so. But all I want to do is beat the living shit out of this man…

Did I say that right?

Yes. I want nothing but to get away from him. His words stung, but they didn't sink. I didn't allow it. I didn't grant them the permission to sip in and began playing games with my mind. I refused their entrance and extinguished them. "Let me go."

"You hate me don't you? That sucks. I guess I'll have to fix it. C'mon, you'll feel incredible when you wake up tomorrow and you'll think of me." He winked and I felt nothing but satiation. Revulsion overpowered me. "Let me go."

"Let her go."

Everything dispersed at the sound of his voice. My anxiety to leave was soon long gone as I instantly looked up to him. He placed his hand on my waist possessively and the other was clutched in a fist. His eyes were hard, his jaw clenched and his body rigid. He breathed callous and I felt his heart beat out of his chest. Rabidly agitate and I immediately intertwined my fingers with his. I looked at him pleadingly as he stared at the bartender dangerously and impenetrable vehemence was present. "Eddie-"

"Let her go."

The grip on my arm was slowly loosening and Eddie's grasp on my waist condensed. His expression was still adamantine, his breathing was still unruly and I tightened my hold on his hand.

I've never seen him like this. Rage written all over his face.

Why is he so furious?

"Eddie, bro, it's not what it looks like-"

"Shut up, James." He said between his teeth. His face was mantling and he persevered to look at James with so much severity. "Eddie it's okay."

"Yeah Man… Listen to her. We were just talking, that's all."

I bit my lip to restrain the incoherent words coming out of my mouth. I'm used to people like him. Two-faced. It's not surprising how he is kissing up to his ass now. Is this the kind of people Eddie has to deal with 24/7?

"It didn't seem like it."

"Well, it's what it was. Nothing was going on. She's just very restrained and didn't really open up to me so I tried-"

"Get the fuck out of here before I do anything to you."

"Eddie-"

"Why are you still here? Leave." He muttered. He was fuming. I heard James heave a sigh and murmured something before leaving quickly. He didn't spare us another glance and left promptly. Eddie sighed and I caressed his cheek. "He's gone." I said with a nervous smile. He nodded and clutched my wrist. "Good… Good."

"Are you okay-"

"What did he say to you? Did he do anything?"

"Uh-No. Umm he was just saying some things… you shouldn't worry about it."

"Loren whatever he said-"

"Are all lies." I smiled reassuringly. "I know. It just took an effort not to let his words get to me… They didn't." His jaw was clenched and his body remained tense. "Hey. It's okay. I trust you… And I know you wouldn't hurt me."

"Never."

He whispered, cupping my cheeks with his shaky hands and pressed his forehead on mine. "Did Chloe leave?" He winced at the sound of her name. "Yes." He sighed. "I think she left me deaf. My ears are still ringing. But hopefully she's gone for good."

"Hopefully?"

"Okay, I'll make sure she never lays a finger on you. I won't let her or anyone hurt you, Beautiful. And if they do, they don't know the hell they're bringing on them."

I parted away from him and smiled. "Thank you for today." He shrugged and placed his hands on his pockets. "Thank you for coming." I nodded and nibbled my lip.

"Loren, honey, I think we need to head home." I turned to my mom standing close to Max. He waved at me and I smiled. "Um yeah…"

"Why?" Eddie asked diligently. I shrugged. "I have an early shift tomorrow."

"Oh… but you're still coming to tomorrow's concert right?"

"I'll try to." He frowned and stepped closer. "I will." I reassured and he smiled in contentment. "So shall we go?" I asked my mom and she hesitantly looked at Max. He flashed a smile and placed his hand behind her back. She bit her lip, restraining the smile and I took in their interaction. "If you want I can go and you stay here for a little bit longer." She averted her gaze at me, her eyes widened liking the idea but she shook her head. "It's okay. We need to rest anyways."

"I can take her."

Eddie intervened and looked at my mom suggestively. His eyes glistened with hope and I found myself begging that she would stay and I could go with Eddie. She sighed and looked between us. "I don't know… Eddie it's pretty far and it's late."

"It's not actually. It's only ten." Max interceded and Eddie shot him a grateful smile. "So…?"

"Loren?"

All eyes were on me and shrugged. "What about Mel?"

"She left ten minutes ago. Ian gave her a ride."

"Oh well it doesn't matter. I can take a ride with Eddie."

"Then it's settled." He grabbed my hand instantly and began dragging me to the front exit. I tried to keep up with his pace and made sure not to stumble on anything. My mom waved at me and Max winked at me. I smiled sheepishly.

"Slow down Eduardo!"

"Where the hell were you, Ty?"

"Taking care of Chloe. I took her home."

He laughed humorlessly as Eddie pushed him away. "Why are we going so fast?"

"If your mom changes her mind, it'll be too late to take you back."

I smiled and we quickly walked towards his car.

* * *

"Today was fun."

"Fun?"

"Eventful, actually. Tiring. And if I could, I would delete Chloe from all of it. And James."

"James? Really? I wouldn't."

"Why?"

"Believe it or not I learned something from him. I learned that…" I sighed, "I'm not so weak."

"You're not weak."

"I let people deceive me Eddie."

"But you're strong enough to realize it and overcome it."

He stepped closer and he was still a few centimeters taller than me as I stood on the second step of the porch. The excruciating heels were hanging from one hand and I remembered the necklace.

"I got your envelope…"

His eyes widened and he nodded. "Did you open it?"

"Mm yeah. But I couldn't read the letter. But I got these." I opened my palm and demonstrated it to him. He smiled and took them from my hand. He unclipped the necklace and coaxed me to turn around. I complied, lifted my hair up in a ponytail and he wrapped the beautiful gift around my neck. I reminisce when he did the same gesture, two years after we met.

Two years without each other.

I was about to put my hair down but he halted me. "I have something else." He whispered, his hot breath simmered down on my neck and I felt bolts of electricity running down my spine. He fiddled with his pocket, looking for something. And I waited serenely for him. Then I felt something else around my neck. I looked down and stared at the heart shaped diamond.

His mother's necklace.

"Eddie-"

"It belongs to you."

I turned around and he caressed my cheek. His hands gently wrapped around me and he pulled me into an embrace. I simpered and encased mine around his neck. He securely held me tight and I was on my tippy toes as he softly lifted me up.

"All the promises I made to you. All I told you I would do. I'm keeping them and I will make them come true. I will fix you."

"You'll fix the girl who looks sad in photographs?"

"I'll fix the girl who can't see what I see. I'll fix the girl I have fallen for, but there's nothing I would change about you. Just pick up the pieces of your heart and place them back together and you'll realize how there's nothing like you. I've never seen nothing like you. Who you are, I don't know your past. I don't know what happened, but I swear I'll never leave you no matter what. Don't be afraid of me, I won't leave. I'll stay with you."

I nodded and tears silently slipped. My past? Will I ever be ready to open up to him about it? Am I ready to let it go? I have been ready, I just never knew how to let them go... I just had hoped he could see through right through my walls. The words that want to escape are unspoken and I realize that no matter how much I tried I can't speak. It's inevitable just like he managed to come in and sweep me off my feet.

I tried my best to never let him in… so he wouldn't see the truth about me. This isn't easy. This will never be easy... But I tasted his sweet embrace and realized how much I have grown fond of him. My eyes were closed and I savor the moment, his hitched breathing hovered my shoulder and I stood on my toes as my arms were laced around him. Holding for dear life. It'd be easier if he would let me go. It'd be easier if he would just turn around because I know I could not. Not when I feel so much serenity completely envelope me whenever I am around him.

His arms are wrapped around me, sturdily and reassuringly. Just one embrace and I feel safe and sound. I feel like I am home.

I'm falling.

I'm falling.

I hope he catches me.

**Sorry for the long wait :D. How'd you like it? One of the many things I need to rewrite... Anyways Do you know you guys are the best? Well you are! You guys are awesome. the reviews are so wonderful and bring tears :). Thank you and keep being phenomenal!**

**Dedication: To Cassie Johnson. I love her so so so much... Estefy! Of course please! I am intrigued so go ahead and I'll definitely read them :D**

**Song: Arms by Christina Perri, thanks Estefy for the song :)**

**P.S. So I remember a review advising me to bring Loren being able to sing and write songs like in the show or any other fanfics that derive from the HH plot line. Sorry peeps, this story is completely different from the original story line of Hollywood Heights. Only the characters, some aspects of the characters and characters relationships with each other, etc... are the same as in HH. The situation, plot (story line), dialogue are all created from moi's mind. And inspiration from my sappy, sad songs. Sorry, my playlist is filled with them... And so it wouldn't make sense bringing Lo as a song writer due to the fact that I never indicated this in the previous chapters or from her thoughts. It wasn't my plan to make her a singer from the beginning and it isn't my plan now or ever in Worthless :D.**

**Stay True,**

**Leddiexx**


	10. Down

**Down**

**_Saturday 12 P.M._**

Uneventful.

Today has been nothing but uneventful. But what did I expect? Working at the café has always been an obligation not something I'd do on my free will. The place is slowly dying down, and the only costumers it gets are the regulars and even those are gradually leaving this place to the dump. Marie Simmons, my boss, is losing hope of this place too. _Aroma Café _just doesn't have that spark anymore. The small venue once had a feel-at-home atmosphere, the pastel walls that are now fading to a dull gray color were inviting and calming. The smell of coffee was pleasant and it was those times that I felt safe but now it's just another place, another opportunity for miniatures Adrianna Masters to harass me.

"That would be 3.50."

I sigh and impatiently waited for the curly hair petite girl to pay for her Cheesesteak sandwich. "Hey Loren," she began. "Um what-what-"

"What do you want, Emily?" I averted my gaze from the cashier to her extremely bronzed face. She smiled neurotically and began twirling a curl with her forefinger. "Well, um, so you know how you and Eddie Duran are like best friends, right?"

I nodded curtly at her and quickly disdained her shriek. My eyes looked behind her. _Damn._ She's not going to leave anytime soon, considering that no one is in line except her.

"OMG really!"

"Um, yeah, I guess you can say that… What about it?" I gently drummed the rim of the open cashier with my fingers and Emily smiled excitedly. "How did you guys meet?" She asked. My eyes widened for a second as her question caught me off guard. I soon regained my demeanor and I shrugged. A small smile found it's way to my lips as I reminisce that day on top of the hill. I can still picture the sparkle in his eyes that illuminated when he laughed. I can still inhale his intoxicating scent. I can still picture our proximity and my body going numb, my cheeks pink with embarrassment, and my mind jumbled with incoherent thoughts. I can still hear my heart screaming; yelling so loud that I was able to feel the danger of falling for him. Falling hard. Falling deep.

I gently bit my bottom lip, "It's a long story." A sigh of disappointment escaped Emily's lips but soon a small smile replaced it. "Aw, oh well maybe you can tell me another time… if you want." I smiled politely as she cautiously added the last part. "Yeah, maybe." She nodded eagerly.

"Um, are you going to pay for your cheesesteak?"

"Oh! Yes, here." She quickly handed me a $20 bill. I accumulated her change and gave it to her. "Thanks." She grasped the brown bag but before turning around she hesitated, "Can I ask you something?"

I wanted to say no. Even though she's nice to me in this instant, even though she's not pointing at me and laughing uncontrollably; she's still part of Adrianna's posy and when it comes to Adrianna or anything that involves her, they mean trouble. Before I was able to reply, Emily had already placed the bag back on the counter. She pressed her lips together and I raised an eyebrow waiting for her. "Sure."

"Are you and Eddie a thing?"

She didn't waste a second. I blinked a couple of times, dumbfounded. "A-A thi-thing?" I stuttered.

"Yeah," She nodded enthusiastically. "You know, going out. Boyfriend, girlfriend kind of thing."

"Um-um" I stammered over my words. My cheeks turned scarlet and I began to fidget. Her question sunk, it registered in my head and I gritted my teeth trying to find an answer. I was thinking too long, too hard. _It's a simple question, Loren. No. We're not a "thing." _But are we? Maybe…

"OH MY GOSH!" She yelped boisterously and I flinched. "You are! You are!" Lucky me that this place is empty. "Look at you, you're all red and stuff! I totally knew it; I mean those looks that he gives you are undeniable. And the way that you look at him too! It's just so perfect."

"Emily, I-"

"I was right! And this is a first for me since I am completely wrong most of the time. But I'm right and Adrianna was wrong. That jealous bitch will have a fit when she finds out!" She exhaled cheerfully, "This is too cute for words."

"We're not a thing, Emily." Actually, I'm not sure what we are.

"Oh but you are." She stated. "You guys look so adorable together on pictures, I can already imagine you two like in the same room being all shy and cute and I- just can't. This is too much cuteness I can handle."

"Emily… Eddie and I we're just friends-"

"Ugh, you used the _F _word." She waved her hand at me, dismissing what I just said and there was a look of disgust on her face. "Please, stop lying to yourself and Eddie, who adores you soooo much, and just admit you guys are perfect for each other."

"We're-"

"No, I'm not hearing any of it. You, Loren Tate, and Eddie Duran, God of all rockstars, have it going on."

"You're impossible." I conclude with a genuine smile. She shrugged innocently and quickly took out her phone. "So, um, this talk has been fun. If you want we can hang out sometime…" She gently looked at me and my smile faded. I sighed, "Look Emily, you seem sweet but-"

"You probably think I'm like Adrianna," I avoided her gaze and I sensed a hint of hurt in her tone. "Yeah, I get that a lot. But I'm not like her… at all. And I sincerely want to be your friend, so let's get together sometime… It'll be fun, I promise."

"Emily,-"

"You can invite Melissa," She persisted. "You don't trust me and you most likely think I'm brewing up a plan to bring you down and Adrianna turns out to be the mastermind of all this but none of that is true. So what do you say?" She pushed her phone forward and I sighed. I don't know what are her motives to come to me and suddenly say she wants to be my friend. It's suspicious, I've realized that. I've known Emily since 9th grade and she has always been facing Adrianna's back; waiting in the sidelines, just like me, for her next victim. I shouldn't trust her, but yet I find sincerity and genuine in her hopeful smile. Nonetheless, that could just be an act. Do I want to be deceived again?

I deliberated for a moment before finally taking out my phone. She smiled merrily and I smiled out of politeness. But before we exchanged phone numbers, a gasp was heard. We both quickly turned to look at a pink blob with long, golden and curly hair about to pass out from complete bewilderment. "EMILY!" She screeched. "What. Are. You. Doing."

"Nothing that should matter to you."

"Why the hell are you talking to Ms. Ugly-verse?"

"You really need to work on your insults, Aid." Emily said.

"Answer me!"

"I'm just talking to Loren. You need to chill." Emily grabbed the brown bag and smiled apologetically. I placed my phone back on my pocket and closed the cashier. She walked towards Adrianna, which surprisingly wasn't accompanied by her look-alikes. She was fuming, the acerbity in her eyes was unmissable. "Let's go Adrianna." Emily said, she knew too. She knew that if they didn't leave now, Adrianna will begin attacking me. "Oh, so now that you know Eddie Duran you think you're higher than us. Don't you, you little shit?" I turned away from her. "Look at me!" She demanded. I ignored her and wished, gosh how I long for something or someone to come and take me away from right now. "I still haven't forgotten how much you humiliated me yesterday."

My body went completely rigid. My hands turned into fists and I fixated my gaze on the clock, ticking straight at me. "_I humiliated you_?" I asked incredulous. "What? Don't tell me you forgot how Cameron dragged me away because of _you_?"

"Adrianna let's go, we have to meet up with the guys."

"Shut up, Em." Her eyes were still on me and I swallowed hard. Letting all my fears go.

"You're gonna pay for what you did to me." She whispered callously. "You're not gonna get away."

This time I did dare to look at her. I stood my ground and looked straight at her cold, blue eyes. She narrowed them and I smiled as politely as I could. "Get out." I said. She blinked, "What did you just say?" I sighed irritatingly. "I said, Get out."

"What?!" She exclaimed. I dismissed her daggers. "What part of "Get Out" don't you understand?" I inhaled. "Leave, Adrianna. You're not wanted here. Take your awful attitude somewhere else. And you know what; keep acting the way you do. Keep thinking you're better than everyone else. I hope, God I hope, that one day someone will not take your shit and treat you as bad or worse as you do to me and the others who don't deserve to be treated like dirt."

"Listen, don't you speak to me like that."

"I'll speak to you like you deserve to be spoken. Your bratty attitude and your foul mouth have earned you a place in hell and I hope you rot there. Now, please," Her hands was gripping my shirt tightly in a fist. "Take your filthy hands off me. I have had enough of you." When she didn't comply, I grabbed her hand and she quickly hauled it back. Emily smiled proudly in the background but I didn't. How I stupid was I to let Adrianna Masters get in my head? How stupid was I to fall in her wrath and let her words get to me? How naïve and weak was I to let her do as she wished with me? That's not something to find pride of. Why? Why did I ever listen to her?

Adrianna was red, she was breathing uncontrollably, her body was tense and any second now, I expect her body to cut open in half and an obscene demon standing where Adrianna once stood. "Let's go, Emily." She finally said. I smiled relieved but prior to leaving through the door she said,

"You better watch your back, Tate."

* * *

**_2 P.M_**

"I can't."

Her smile fell. "What-why?"

I smiled, "I have to attend something important tomorrow."

"Is it a life or death situation?"

"Not that drastic, but it's really important…" I stated. I passed the wet cloth over the counter top while Marie's bubbly persona stood behind the cashier, attending the buzzing costumers. The café suddenly began to be filled with impatient, grumpy and broke students. "I guess your 2 for 1 special is working."

"Yes!" She exclaimed. "That's why I need you tomorrow! Imagine how full this place will be! Furious people at late hours of the day claiming their half off milkshakes with empanadas! Loren, please come."

"I told you, I have somewhere important to go tomorrow, and I'm sorry I can't help you."

She sighed frustratingly and then she went quiet for a moment. "What about…" She began again, "If you come tomorrow I will give you bonus. Yes, a bonus and you can eat free here!"

"I already eat free here, employees benefits."

"Well, it's not like you take full advantage of free milkshakes either… What about the bonus?"

"I-I" I'm torn between being broke and Eddie.

"You need the money for college and all that futuristic stuff. And it'll be a nice, pleasant bonus. We're talking about hundreds, Dear."

"Okay…" I mumbled. "What was that?"

"I'm coming tomorrow."

"Yes! I love you!"

My phone vibrated and I suspired in relief. "Shift's over." I told Marie and she nodded with a smile. I quickly went to the back room and grabbed my jacket. I never really do carry anything else.

I walked past Marie and as I was stepping outside, she screamed, "Remember, 12 to 10!"

I soughed and looked up at the blue sky. A small smile appeared.

I really did want to go to that concert.

* * *

Passing past my mailbox, pass the small garden my mother had planted a while back, I opened the front door and slowly walked in.

"Hi, Honey."

I look directly at my mother, who was sitting down on the dining table. She flipped through the pages of the magazine she was reading. "How was work?"

"Stressing."

"Hm, Did something happen?" Her gaze was now fixed on me and not on the paper lying on the table. Her eyebrows rose in a concerned manner. "No-yes. Um well…" I walked towards her and she gently flipped the page. "I can't go tomorrow…"

"Where?"

"The concert." She looked at me for a second before dropping her gaze down to the magazine. "Why not?" She frowned. "I have a shift, three actually. Um, it'll be busy tomorrow and Marie needs help."

"Wait, what about the other girls? Sasha and Julie?"

"They said they're taken."

"But so are you, Honey, you have to go to Eddie's tomorrow."

"Well, I can't because I have work."

"So you prefer to work non-stop instead of supporting Eddie?"

I soughed and clutched the chair for support. "At least I get a bonus." My mother flipped through the pages. "Well alright… Do you think Eddie will like that you're not coming tomorrow; he was pretty excited to see you again."

"He saw me yesterday; he'll understand…" She smiled. "He won't like it."

"He'll manage. Ah, I have to go call Mel and Eddie. Wish me luck with Melissa."

"Good luck."

I chuckled and walked towards my room. I closed slowly closed the door behind me and took out my phone. I sat on the bed and began dialing Eddie's number. I waited patiently for him to pick up but he didn't. After five rings, it went straight to voicemail.

"_Hey this is Eddie; leave your message after the beep and I'll get back to you. Alright, bye."_

"Hey Eddie! It's Loren… Um, I know you're busy with the concert tomorrow and I wanted to call you to tell you Good Luck! Yeah, I'd say it in person when I'm standing in front of you but that won't be possible. I know you'll probably hate me but I can't come tomorrow. I have a long shift at the café. But I know you'll be great and I'm sorry I can't come. Okay, bye. Call back when you can."

That's done. My thumbs danced around the screen for a moment before I finally dialed Melissa's number. After the first ring she picked up. "_Melissa Sanders. What do you want?"_

"Hey, Mel…"

"_Oh-Oh why does that sound so disappointing to me?"_

* * *

Night is the devil's advocate. Night is when demons lurk around. Night is when the incubus captures me again. My skin is glistening from sweat; my chest rises up and down rapidly. My mouth trembles and I hide under my covers.

I don't know what's wrong.

Everything should be okay. It _should _but it's not. And I don't know why. Why day seems to be fine to me, but then night comes and I feel myself suffocating again. I should be okay, but I'm not.

I'm losing what I never found.

_Why?_

_What?_

Where's the peace I thought I had? Where is he? Where's Eddie?

Night creeps in, and so does the demons. I wish they would just leave. The room is dark and eerie. It's perilous out there. I wonder what it feels like to fall asleep. To have a dreamless and soundless night and just… sleep. No nightmares, no ghosts taunting me.

I wonder… And that's my problem, I keep wondering about it. I keep them locked in and never let them go. I never learn do I? _I never do._

Where's he? Who is exactly "he"? Maybe he's the one who always saves me in my dreams. Maybe he's just a hallucination… Maybe "he" is not real. But yet… I feel warm and complete fervor entrances me and I feel safe, secured. I feel protected from Trent. And I forget for a moment about his husky, drunken voice; his revolting breath that reeks of pure alcohol and his vivid red eyes. I forget, even if it's just for a second, about him and all I feel is peace.

Is Eddie "he?" Maybe, I don't know. Oh look, my thoughts are a mess now. I can't think straight. They're lurking again. They're searching for me, _he _is looking for me.

I'd call Eddie, I would. But I don't because he's sleeping. He's resting. I should too. I need rest.

_Wrapped in his arms. _That sounds nice, maybe I should think about that. _Gently, he whispers my name. _It sounds so sweet and tempting. Sleep.

Maybe I'm going insane. I don't care. I want sleep, and if thinking about Eddie does the trick. Then yes, I will think of him. I want to fall asleep thinking about him. His sweet caresses, his resplendent smile, his soft whispers. _Everything will be okay._ I'd like that, maybe I'll dream about that too. _I'm not going anywhere._ And if it's possible, I'd like to wake up thinking about him too. Hopefully just the thought of him will calm me down. It does, doesn't it? He makes me feel special. He makes me feel wanted, and I like that feeling. I like it and I like him. He's so gentle. He's charming.

Like… no that's wrong. It's the wrong term to use… I shouldn't use "like," not when my feelings for him are deeper. It's more than a simple crush…

Sleep.

I want sleep.

I do. My eyes can't take it no more and began to close. I fall asleep, thinking of him and only him. And I swear before I fell completely asleep, I heard a faint noise.

Maybe it was a ring. Maybe it was Eddie; he always manages to reach me in the most unexpected times.

* * *

**_Sunday 2 p.m._**

"This is unacceptable! This cannot be! Loren Tate you promise you'd come with me. And you're not going to miss your boyfriend's concert! He needs you there for support but you missy, you are selfish. No. You are coming."

"It's a done deal, Mel. I can't go. Marie is holding me responsible for today." Melissa began walking around. She ran her fingers through her hair exasperatedly and I shook my head. "Sorry?"

"That's all you're giving me? An apology? Well then!" She crossed her arms and I smiled sheepishly. "What do you want me to say?" "That you're coming."

"Anything but that."

"Humph!" Walked towards me and I sighed. "The concert starts at 7 c'mon, everyone is expecting you there."

"I told you I can't come."

"Well, why not?" Melissa gasped then she began laughing. "Oh I get it."

"Get what." I was confused and Melissa smiled knowingly. "You're doing this to push Eddie's buttons, right? You want him to miss you so much today that he will have to kidnap you tomorrow and spend the entire day with you." I blinked. Only she would come up with this. I smiled curtly. "If I say that's what I'm doing, would you leave me alone?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."

"Ha! I knew it!"

She nodded proudly and I shook my head at her antics.

"I think we came to the wrong side of town, forgot this was Ugly Ville."

"If it isn't the brattiest of the brats, the ugliest of personalities and the obnoxious airhead's of them all. Adrianna Masters, may I ask, how do you do it? How can someone be so stupid? And I ask because you are an expert at being the idiot and the joke of the entire student body." Mel spat. She placed her hands on her hips and her gaze burned through Adrianna. She still held rancor for what happened on Friday.

"Hey Melissa." Emily smiled at Mel, whom was completely taken aback. "Since when did I become friendly with you witches?" Her smile faded and I shrugged. "Can you guys get moving? I have costumers to attend."

I looked at all of them, and when my gaze landed on Adrianna she immediately narrowed hers and turned around. I smiled. Of course, Melissa didn't miss this.

"What was that? Did I miss something, why are you smiling at her as if you know something and she doesn't? I want to know what that something is."

"It's nothing."

"Loren told Adrianna off. It was epic."

"Who are you? And you did! Why didn't you tell me this?"

"It wasn't important."

"Okay, this is pretty important for you because you stood up to the devil in pink over there."

"Gee, thanks."

"It's the truth."

"Whatever." I leaned on the counter seeing as there was no one else in the line. "I'm Emily, btw."

"BTW. Okay."

"Ah, you." Melissa pointed at me, "Need to give me full details later about this whole Adrianna thing. But I have to get going." She turned around to Emily. "I guess I'll see you around. Emily, right?"

"Yeah."

And she left. I sighed and Emily smiled before going back to her group. "We'll talk later." She left too. I felt a light vibration in my pocket. I took it out and carefully checked the text.

**_Eddie:_**** Not fair. I'm going to miss you. To be honest, I was looking forward to seeing you today. Considering the fact I didn't see you yesterday. COME! Ditch work for me and just come! Please, I'm on my knees begging anyone up there to miraculously make you appear to where I am. Literally, I am on my knees. I'm THAT serious, I really need you here. Okay this text is really long, just like my need for you to be here. NOW COME.**

I giggled. He can be so cheesy sometimes.

**Re:Re _Me_: No can do, Eddie. I have to work. You'll be fine, and plus you saw me on my Friday. **

**Re:Re:Re _Eddie:_ That's all you have to say to me? After I sent you out my heart that's all you say to me. You know what? FINE.**

**Re:Re:Re:Re _Me:_ Okay…?**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re _Eddie:_ Loren Tate, you Beautiful, will be the death of me. Well, got to go. I'm still holding on that wish that you'll be here. Make it come true ;). Bye.**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re _Me:_ You could've called… Bye.**

Before I checked if he had texted back, someone cleared their throat and I was forced to instantly look up. I met amiable blue eyes nervously looking at me. He smile buoyantly and I nodded suavely. "Oh sorry."

"It's okay." He shook his head and his sandy, blonde hair followed. "So what would you like to order?"

"Just two red velvet cakes." I nodded and typed in his order. "That will be $5." He handed me his money and I handed him his desserts. "Thanks." I smiled. I waited for him to leave, but he didn't. "So um-" He started. "You and Eddie Duran, huh?"

"What about Eddie and me?"

He began scratching the back of his head and he avoided my gaze, a rosy tint appeared on his face. He laughed anxiously and I stared at him curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm totally fine. I-I-" He sighed. Cameron looked at me and his blue eyes were soft and genial. "Look Loren, I just wanted to know why you lied to me about having a Valentine's…"

"Oh that…"

"Yeah, _that."_

"I didn't lie. When you asked me I didn't have one."

"But then you did… You accepted Eddie's and… not mine." I watched with regard as his eyebrows pressed together, and his eyes showed… hurt?

"Well, yeah, I mean it just kinda happened…" I stated lamely.

"Right, right."

Where the hell is this conversation going? "I have to go." Cameron said finally. I nodded, relieved for both of us. As I watched his head hung low, I suddenly remember Friday. How he had been the one who stopped Adrianna from saying anything else. Nobody else had stepped in and stopped her except him. He was the one who dragged her away. And I feel gratitude towards him. He saved me, he helped me from going borderline crazy. From going anymore insane than I had.

"Cameron, wait!"

He slowly turned around and I smiled gratefully. "About Friday… Thank you." I said, lamely again. But he did smile and the sadness that hooded his eyes was gone. A new found spark replaced it. He nodded and placed his hands on his pockets. "Don't mention it, you didn't deserve that. And I hate it, I hate it when a girl cries." I smiled one more time. I turned back to the cashier and I felt the vibration again. I stared ahead and my gaze landed on cold green eyes. She didn't turn away instead she held our gaze. A smirk appeared on her face and my lips parted slightly. I know that look too well. I had to break our gaze and I distracted my mind with Eddie's text. I giggled softly.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re Eddie: I was going to but I know you. And knowing you, you would've hung up on me. That would've hurt. So I didn't. **

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re Eddie: Don't text back. Because if you do, I'd be tempted to go find you and take you with me. SO DON'T TEXT BACK! Okay bye. For real now.**

* * *

**_Monday 2:21 p.m._**

School was over. AP Chemistry was a haze. Time went by quickly. Everything went by fast. Melissa didn't come to school, she was "too exhausted to put up with ignorance today." Eddie called twice yesterday, at 11 p.m. and at 3 in the morning. The first time he called we talked about the concert and how it went well. Then I had to hang up on him because of curfew and school. The second time he called, I was having an insomnia attack. I couldn't fall asleep. But he called, and we talked relentlessly. At some points, I had to cover my face with the pillows to muffle my laughter. He told me childhood stories. He mentioned how he loved to be outdoors, how much he loved to stare at the blue sky and find figures and words with the clouds. He told me about how he craved adventure, how he always loved to be in the rush of adrenaline. And I threatened him that that would be his death. He talked to me about his mother, about how much he misses her home-cooked meals. He mentioned how kind, beautiful and funny she was. He confessed how there's not a day he doesn't think about her. He sounded so distant and distressed, his voice would agilely die down whenever he mentioned her. And I promised him I would cook for him, it won't be the same, but close.

We talked for three hours and when I walked through the door I wanted to fall asleep. I was putting all my belongings for the day in my locker. Everything was normal, the halls were empty. Everyone was leaving school for home. And I was happily alone, consumed by my own thoughts.

Everything was fine when my locker was abruptly closed for me and a cold hand grabbed my arm. I was pushed on the locker, my head collided against the metallic wall. It was brisk and pain followed.

Everything was fine until I met her icy greenish eyes looking precariously at me. She held me against the locker and I watched as she told two girls to watch the halls for her. I watched as she told a guy to hold me down. I recognized him, I talked to him once about how much we both detested Dr. Glatzer; our unfair Bio teacher. He seemed so friendly and he was kind to me. Ethan, that's his name, approached me, and there was no hesitation nor remorse as he did what Adrianna told him. This is when I tried to escape. This is when I attempted to escape her hold, but to no avail I couldn't. She had me pinned on the locker and her hands clutched me tightly. Her nails digging in through my sweater. And he had me on an unbreakable lock, holding both my arms behind me. My meek strength didn't compare to his.

"Hold her!"

"Adrianna let her go!"

That voice… Emily's! She was running towards us and that's when I felt the first blow. Right on my gut. Then again. Again. Again. And Again.

"NO!"

I was stuck. I couldn't move. Emily was soon grabbed by another guy. She flayed her arms, her legs, but he too was stronger than her. Then I felt the constant nagging on my gut. My arm, where she had grabbed, hurt. It was excruciating, and she kept punching me. Screaming every other punch, letting her feelings out. I wish I could do that. I wish I had my own punching bag to scream and hit. Maybe I'll make one.

I felt something salty on my mouth, it tasted like iron. Revolting. I spat it out. It was red. And it landed on Adrianna's arm. She shrieked in disgust and she continued hitting me. This time harder.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think straight. My mind was concentrating on one thing only, the constant pain on my stomach.

It hurt.

I should've known this was going to happen, the look she gave me yesterday should've been enough for me to know. But it wasn't.

It's my fault.

I should've kept my mouth shut and this would've never happened. She would've left me alone, who knows maybe I could be talking to Eddie right now. Or Cameron. Hm, I still need to repay him for his actions.

He's so nice…

"ADRIANNA! NO!"

Emily screamed again. But she didn't listen, she kept punching.

"Shit Aid. She looks like shit."

"Good."

"No. No. NO. NO. No. Loren!"

Emily, where is she. I succumbed to the floor and I held my stomach. It hurts so much. I want to cry, but I don't dare to let the tears fall.

Maybe she broke a rib or two. I don't know, I just know that the pain is too much.

"Hold Emily!" She shouted and slowly she began walking away. "Hold her and don't let her go. Shit. This is bad."

I must look terrible for her to say that. I wonder what I look like. A bloody hell maybe.

"Let's go before someone comes." One of the guys says, it must be Ethan. And that's that. They leave;they leave me. Trailing behind them are Emily's shouts. Screaming my name. It sounds so nice that someone cares for me. Maybe I was wrong about her; she's not like Adrianna

And I cried. The pain is too much.

* * *

_Water._

Is my first thought.

_Cold._

Is my second. My ribs hurt, and it's hard to breathe. It's a struggle, and I limp my way home. Fortunately, no one saw me. I don't know what I would've said either way. And that's for the best. I don't need Adrianna coming after me.

But the pain, my stomach hurts so damn much and it reminds me of that time…

Ah yes, that time Trent beat my mother. I remember it like it happened yesterday. He hates broccoli. He detests it so much but my mother loves it. Once, she forgot about how much Trent loathes it and she cooked it! And when she was serving dinner on our table, the look on his face was abominable. His face scrunched up in a disgusting manner and terror overtook my mother's and mine faces. And in an instant she was on the floor. He had punched her on her stomach. It was so powerful, he broke two ribs in one punch! He was angry, he was a mad man that detested broccoli. And my mother never cooked broccoli ever since that day.

I walk in the house, each step is harsher. Tougher than the previous and all I want is to stop it. I walked past the thermostat and decrease the room temperature completely and I hurry towards my bedroom.

_It hurts._

Maybe if I lay down, the pain will go away.

_Silly girl. It won't. You need w__ater._

I crave it. I need it. The pain, why can't it leave. I enter the bathroom. I lock the door and I place my phone of the sink. And I notice how much it's ringing. It's ringing so much. _Someone make it stop!_ The ringing phone is dismissed and I quickly turn on the water faucet of the tub. _WATER! _The cold is rapidly kicking in and I shiver. _IT HURTS!_ Once the tub is filled all the way up. I get in, I don't bother on taking off my clothes and I descend in the tub. It feels good. Just like when Emily was screaming my name. But I frown because it's nothing like being in Eddie's arm.

It doesn't compare. I inhale and plummet deeper in the water.

_Remember._

_Remember that last time I was here? _ Yes! Yes!

Am I going insane? Is delirium taking me captive? Is it? Why am I going crazy?

I'm not. I am not, I just want to forget the pain. I want to pain to leave. But it doesn't. And now it seems that being in cold water is a bad idea. The pain is just intensifying. I shiver, my lips tremble under the water and I rapidly gasp for air. I twitch, the phone is still ringing. I would get up and answer it. But I have found some comfort being in cold water. Now the pain is not so bad.

_1-2-3_

I sink back in. And slowly I begin closing my eyes.

_I want to sleep._ That'd be nice. Sleep. It sounds tempting. Maybe if I could just close my eyes then everything will be okay._ Everything will be alright_.

**_Bump! Bump! Bump!_**

What is that? Sounds like wood hitting against something hard. It sounds desperate. But I'm crazy, and maybe that's just insanity talking. But it's so loud.

**_LOREN!_**

I hear someone yelling my name. It sounds so genuine. It sounds so familiar.

My lips twitch upward in this bitter cold.

_But that's crazy._

_YOU'RE CRAZY!_

I am. Aren't I? Sleep. I want to sleep. But I'd like to wake up and see the sun again. I'd like to wake up and see my mother's never ending smile. I'd like to wake up and see Melissa jumping giddily around. I'd like to see Cameron's blue eyes twinkle strikingly and Emily smile hopelessly. I'd like to meet Max and get to know him and thank him... I'd like to love.

_But silly you do!_

I'd like to see him again, and again. I want to feel warm. I want to feel his warmth.

**_BUMP! BUMP!_**

What is that?

**_LOREN! _**

I want to live.

**_LOREN!_**

Sudden. It's all so sudden. My lips turning icy blue, yet trembling. My heart racing, my mind juggling. My body frigid. I was about to float back up too.

But then I felt someone pull me up.

Sudden.

Then I felt something warm wrap around me. It felt sweet. And that's when I realized it wasn't something but rather someone. I noticed how I wasn't the only one trembling, the other person's body was shaking. His head was on the crook of my neck, and his arms were wrapped firmly around me.

I was safe from everything.

But most importantly I was safe from myself.

"Loren. Loren. Loren. Loren. Loren." He repeated my name over and over again. I would nod my head even though he didn't dare too look at my blue face. His hold on me was undiminished. He would pull me tighter and my stomach would hurt. But I didn't mind the pain, not when he was holding me so strongly. His body trembled and he repeated my name almost as if he was reassuring himself I was in his arms and not there.

Where was I again?

I swallowed; I inhaled and I exhaled.

"Eddie..."

I whispered.

* * *

**You're allowed to hate me and rant about how bad this was and I messed the story in the REVIEWS Section. I hope you liked it, or not. (But you most probably didn't)That's up to you and tell me in the REVIEW SECTION. Okay, okay, how was it? I'm sorry about this shitty story, I've been having a really rough day/time/whatever. And Worthless is where I go to let my emotions out. So I apologize. I just fixed some, if not all, the mistakes and some of the reviews/PM's bothered/hurt/made me feel really bad. I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to hurt you or make you loose hope. But I'm not changing anything that I have written about this story and posted on here. Because believe me I have written worse for Loren but ended up deleting them all because it'd be too much. But bare with me for now.**

**I introduced Emily for a reason. She will be playing an important part with the whole Adrianna chaos. I didn't add her to be just an accessory. Remember, how she was screaming, and was always the bystander of Adrianna's act? Well, that'll trigger something. Cameron will have his own spotlight (err Jealousy causer actually.)**

**Dedication: To each of you and your patience with this story.**

**Estefy: Aw sweety, don't worry in High School you'll meet new people, new friends Okay? And I love your lyrics. omg.**

**Song: _Down_ by Jason Walker. It's so sad :(**

**Stay True,**

**Leddiexx (mistakes fixed later, Damn this You guys are amazing.)**


	11. Collide

**Breathe**

I'm reckless.

I don't measure the consequences before taking action. Pure madness takes over and that's the reason why I'm where I am right now. My recklessness, my insanity got me to the state where _the _one person whom I wished would never see me in my state of hopelessness would be holding me ever so tightly. Afraid, terrified that if his grasp loosens by even a bit I just might disappear.

Will I?

And even if I would disappear, that'd be unacceptable to him. He's not planning on letting me go anytime soon. His arms hold me firmly, tightening every passing second. His rushed breathing is muffled against my neck; his body trembling violently. The ache on my stomach is condensing but I dismiss it and concentrate on the broken calls of my name. The echoes are confined in this piercing room. I inhale softly, attempting to ease the severe pain. My body gave out a shiver, and in seconds his head shot up in alarm. For a mere moment, his eyes scrutinized my face, averting ever so often to my pale lips. Within moments, he swiftly picked me up bridal style and carried me in his arms. Eddie delicately placed me on my bed.

No words were exchanged between us. In an instant, I was wrapped around with my thick comforter and Eddie stood in front of me. I swathed my quivering arms around my waist, hugging myself. My lips shuttered and my gaze averted upwards to meet Eddie's. His eyes, a soft pool of brown filled with concern and shock, looked down at me. His hands opened and closed anxiously.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

I smile forcibly, "Yes, just a bit cold but I'm okay." I lied.

"Loren don't-"

"I need to change." I cut him off.

"You're shaking…" He said, "I'll be right back." Eddie's eyes observed me cautiously; he hesitated before existing out the room. The door was left half way open and I stood up with a strong discomfort tugging my stomach. Nevertheless, I walked towards my closet and took out a jacket, a T-shirt and sweatpants. With difficulty, I quickly changed. My body was still shivering, frigid and pale. I bit my lip gently and looked towards the bathroom. The tub was filled with water, and liquid was dripped around the walls, the mirror and the floor trailing up to my bed. I turned my gaze to the broken door; he must've kicked it real hard to break it open.

How did he find me?

I swallowed and rapidly shook my head. I rubbed my face lightly and proceeded to put on my stocky jacket. I cringed at the sudden pang of pain, but opted to ignore it. I turned around softly and found his radiant brown eyes looking at me confused and dismayed. My eyes quickly looked down to the ground and he took a step forward. He contemplated for a second and I was frozen in place. I wanted to move and find comfort in my bed. But walking meant limping; I didn't want to worry Eddie. _I didn't want him to find out._ He took another step forward. I clenched my teeth, inhaled and held it together. The pain was dreadful as I walked towards my bed completely ignoring Eddie's attempts of getting close to me. I wrapped myself with the comforter and the covers of my bed. Eddie sighed frustratingly and sat on the edge of my bed. I nibbled on my lower lip and laid in a fetal position. It was silent for a minute and the only thing that was heard was the chattering of my teeth.

"Nora just called." He broke the silence. I sighed in gratitude for the fact that he wasn't shooting me with questions.

"What did she want?"

"She wanted to know if you're okay."

Mother, how will she take this? "What did you say?" I whispered. I watched Eddie soughed silently. He didn't dare to look at me and I watched his back slouch.

"I didn't know how to respond her… How could I tell her that I found her daughter drowning herself in the tub of the bathroom?" My eyes widened and I quickly shook my head. "I wasn't going to-"

"So I told her that you're safe now." He moved his head to the side and made eye contact with me. Our eyes locked. Confusion, concern, dismay, shock and _anger _were all so evidently written on his auburn orbs. My eyes casted down and I carefully sat up. I leaned on the white wooden frame of my bed. My eyes followed Eddie as he turned to me. "What happened to you Loren? Who-who did this to you?"

I sighed. _Nothing, really. Nothing important that you should care about. I'm fine. Everything's fine. _I wanted to say. But I didn't, instead I sat quietly and did my best to avoid his eyes. I couldn't look at him, not when his eyes were painfully pleading me. "Loren, who did this to you?" He repeated, this time urgent. "Tell me, please." He begged. The bed deviated and his now warm hands cupped my cheeks. He forced my gaze to land on his. "I swear that I'll find out who did this to you and when I do they'll pay. Those motherfuckers won't get away with this." I sat motionless before slowly releasing his grasp on me; I pushed his hands away and shook my head. "I'm okay really, everything is fine. Nothing happened."

"Everything is fine." He restated.

"Yes."

"Are you really saying that to me after I found you suffocating in cold water?" His voice cracked.

"I wasn't doing anything."

"Really? You didn't answer your phone and any of my texts, Nora and I called you countless of times. Hell, Melissa even called us asking where you were. I opened the door with the key Nora gave me because you didn't answer the door. When I entered a wave of cold air welcomed me. Your bathroom door was closed. I shouted for you, I screamed your name but you didn't answer me. I kicked the door because there was no other solution and I wasn't going to spend time picking on the lock. And when I finally get to you you're on the tub sinking in the water, blue from the cold. You're shivering. And I damn well didn't miss that bruise on your arm. Yet, after all of this, you still tell me everything is fine."

"That's because-"

"_Don't_ fucking deny it, Loren." I flinched at his harsh tone. "I'm not denying anything…"

The bed deviated again and he leaned forward to me. "Look at me." I didn't comply and he clutched the covers underneath him. "Look at me dead in the eye and say nothing happened. Can you lie so easily while looking at me?"

"I told you already, _I'm fine_."

"Jesus, Loren! Why do you have to make this so hard?"

"Eddie-"

"I'm trying to help you. I want to help but you don't let me."

He lifted my chin with his forefinger and thumb. "Do you know how painful it is to see you hurt and not having a single clue on how to help? Is it something you do unconsciously, to push everyone away?"

"I-I" I tripped on my words. "I don't want you to worry about me."

He snapped. In an instant, he abruptly stood up from the bed. "You don't want me to worry about you? Is that it? You exclude me because you don't want me to _worry about you_?" He chuckled bitterly. "Damn it, Loren. _Just fucking damn it_. You don't realize how much it pains me every time you push me away. How every time I want to get closer to you, you go ahead and push my attempts away. It destroys me, Loren. It kills me when I feel useless." I bit my lips harshly and my hands turned into fists as I watched him break in front of me.

"I want to know every part of you. I want to be the one to fix all your problems. I want you to know that I will never hurt you. I'll be the one to fight off your nightmares; every single night I will always be there for you. A phone call away. But you don't want me to worry about you_._" His breathing hitched and my eyes were becoming blurry. I am always the one to cry so easily. Stupid, stupid girl. "Don't you know? Haven't you come to the realization that I will always worry about you? It doesn't matter how many times you repeat how fine you are; I will always worry, Loren. Are you throwing me in vain? Are you completely pushing me aside?"

"Is it always going to be like this? Tell me. Will everyday be another day of me trying to decipher you? Are you always going to push me away? Because I don't think I will be able to take it… but-"

The first whimpered escaped. I immediately wiped away the flowing tears. _Will you leave me? _I wanted to ask. _Don't leave me. I'll try to make it better, so please stay. _He sighed. "But I guess that no matter how many times you decide to push me away-"

"It's okay- it's-it's fine really. I don't blame you for finally being fed up with me, so it's okay if you decide to leave." I said through the silent whimpers. The pain in my stomach diminishing. It's my entire fault it has come down to this.

I've wanted to tell you, honestly. But I never found the right words. I guess I have always been afraid of how you'd react. What if, huh? What if I told you of all my fears, all my problems, all my nightmares, and my past? Would you treat me differently? Would repugnance change your view of me? How exactly do you see me? Maybe a weak girl who can't seem to trust nobody. But does that even matter anymore? Because you're leaving. I've lost you and it's my entire fault.

Why can't I be strong enough?

"I've put you through all of this… it's a waste of your time but thank you. Thank you for caring for the broken girl. It's fine-" I choked and I looked up at him. Tears were rolling down my cheek and my shoulders shook as I tried to contain the whimpers. His eyes were full of anguish and he stepped closer to me. Regret taking over his features. But I didn't blame him for snapping at me. He needed to let his feelings out, and I'm glad he did. "It's fine if you hate me."

"It's alright if you do. I-I don't want to be a burden to you or anybody. If you leave, it's okay… It's not like I'm used to be being alone and-and I don't want you to be stuck with a suicidal chick with trust issues. So-" I smiled bitterly. "So, you can hate me and this will be easier for us if you leave-"

"Stop talking." He said. "Don't say anything for a moment and listen to me. That's all I want right now, for you to listen to what I have to say." His eyes burned with distress. He soughed, "You didn't let me finish. I never said I'd leave. I never once did say that, did I? Do you honestly think I ever leave you? Do all those times I told I will always be here mean nothing to you? Did you forget?Did you even listen to the part where I told you how much you mean to me? Loren," He walked towards me, leaning on the bed. "You have no idea how crazy I am about you. Do you? Even I can't explain how every time I look at you, everything stops and it's only you I see. I-I" He paused for a second, thought on something and then reiterated. "I want you so much." He leaned in and caressed my cheek. "I will never leave you, so please just stop doubting me. I want to know all of you, your past, your aspirations, your confusion but don't ever think that whatever happen to you will waver my feelings for you. They're too strong, and it doesn't matter what obstacles come because I will never stop lo-" He stop for a moment, "- feeling this way about you."

And suddenly, his arms were wrapped around me as he brought me into an embrace. I exhaled and rested my head on his chest. I continued to hug myself and he gently placed his chin on my head. I closed my eyes. A small smile began to form.

Maybe, just maybe, I should stop hesitating and let go for once. I felt his heart pounding, each beat quickening and falling into rhythm with mine. And as if an unspoken communication, I silently heard it. My thoughts finally agreeing on one thing.

_I love you._

* * *

We were both laying on the bed, his hand encased on mine as his thumb traced gently the back of my hand. I watched as his eyes drifted. He scooted closer to me and brushed a lock of wet hair that was sticking on my face. His eyes trailed up to mine and I observed him. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Adrianna Masters."

"Who?"

"Adrianna Masters." I repeated. "She was the one that did this to me." His eyes widened and he was about to stand up before I clutched his arm. "Wait… that's not all. I-I need to tell you something else."

He oscillated but laid back down on the bed. Still unsure, his jaw clenched and the hold on my hand tightened. I sighed, exhaling it all out.

"I was 6, and it was my birthday. I remember because my Mother had baked my favorite meal that day and she had bought me the doll I'd been begging for the past few months." I clutched my waist, feeling the pain on my stomach again. "It was 7 o'clock at night when there was someone knocking on the door furiously. My mom and I were cutting the purple cake she got me when the door suddenly banged open." I stopped for a moment, recollecting the memory. "It was my father, and he was heavily intoxicated. He reeked of alcohol. And he was furious too. He probably had lost a fight, I figured since his shirt was dirty with blood marks." I felt Eddie's gaze on me and his body tensed. "One minute he was screaming at my mom, I don't really remember what he said to her since I couldn't hear anything through my cries, then he had his hands on her. He Held her harshly, shaking her. I continued crying because I didn't know why he was hurting her or why they were fighting. I still don't know why-" I shivered at the memory as it was clear as day. "-and when my mom finally got out of his grasp, she grabbed my tiny arm and hauled me into my room, telling me to lock the door. I did what I was told, but that night I didn't really sleep." His incoherent shouting, the protests of my mother. It's all too painfully clear. "I couldn't. The yells coming from downstairs were too loud… the next day I quietly went into the kitchen to find my father eating cereal and milk with a smile on his face as soon as he saw me. He ruffled my hair and acted as if nothing happened. I thought that everything was okay… My mom came downstairs with the failed attempt of covering her bruise on her left shoulder."

"That night, he came drunk home again. I was locked again in my room, hearing the yells and furniture crashing on the floor. What is going on, I thought. Each day was like that, sometimes even worse. Each day my mother would appear with a new bruise she was trying to hide and Trent would smile at me and ruffle my hair. It became a pattern, that pattern became a routine and that routine became my life for 10 years." I tear slipped down at the memories of my mother's flawless features being damaged by horrid bruises and my inebriated father inflicting all his anger on her. "For five years I was locked in my room every night having to deal with the screams. I always thought that he only beat her up, and that was it… I was a kid; I didn't pay attention to the way she had difficulty walking each day." More tears slipped down and I chuckled bitterly, attempting to shake it away. "Then one night, I snuck out of the room and carefully walked downstairs. And then-" My vision became blurry and I quickly covered my mouth, tightening it when the scene hit me so harsh. Eddie pulled me towards him and soothingly rubbed my back. I cried, my body shaking along. "There he had her, right on the dining table. Banging into her so violently, forcing his way in and my mother-" Trying not to cry, scream in pain for the sake of her child. "I quickly went upstairs, and the house went dead silent. I locked the door and hid under the bed, hugging my body and silently crying for my mother." How many times did he do this to her? Was it every day?

"The next day, it was his day off. I didn't have school that day either. We were all sitting down on the dining table. He, eating so joyfully, and my mother and I in alert. It all just went so fast after that, all I could remember is that my mother was too busy looking at me with concern that she didn't hear Trent's command of passing him the salad. He got so angry that he was about to hit her." I sniffled and Eddie continued rubbing my back. What's he thinking now? "But he didn't get to lay a finger on her. I had quickly jumped in and grabbed his arm down, then I met the floor after that. He had grabbed me by the waist and slammed me down on the concrete floor." That was the first time he ever hurt me physically. Oh Mother, so careful with your daughter that you became careless with yourself. Trent never laid a hand on me like he did to my mother, he never touched me like that. Many times he did, but my mother was quick to intervene and take the pain for me. Some nights I would here the door of my room open and he would sit on my bed, rubbing my thigh gently. All I did was close my eyes, wishing that this would all just be a nightmare. Soon my mother walked into the room and managed to pull Trent out of my room. After the door was closed, the screams, items clashing resonated once again.

"And that became a constant thing between us. He would try to hit her and I'd intervened causing him to push me against anything." And attempt to choke me. "Everything in the house was broken; bruises, broken bones, fear, nightmares, yells, screams; that was my life. Every day became a nightmare. And sometimes I didn't even know how we survived." I said. And broke down. My body quivered savagely. "I always begged my mom to leave him. Escape from it all, but she always brushed me away. She always told me that everything will go back to normal, that we will be that happy family with no worries once again. She believed Trent could be fixed." But deep down she knew she was in vain. "She didn't want to accept the fact that he was already lost, and it could've been simple if we'd just leave. But she was afraid that if we did, he would chase after us..."

He didn't say a word; instead he held me closely to him and listened to everything I said. And that's all I needed, someone who would listen.

I told him everything. From my constant incubus, my tormentors, how I was finally able to free myself from Trent constant abuses. Adrianna, Melissa, Emily, my mom, how much I detested school, about him. I told him about those days I saw him. He never interrupted me, he kept listening. Pulling me closer to him when I whimpered.

And even though these memories will haunt me forever, it's nice to know someone is out there for you; that you're not completely alone and silence is never the answer. Maybe someday I'll be well and alive to tell someone who's going through a rough patch that keeping it all bottle up is the worst decision one can do. And maybe I can advise them to let it all out because that's what had me locked in all these years. My silence.

**_ I can feel myself finally breathe, like, all I needed was my whole being collide against your gentle touch. _**

* * *

**Suckish chapter. Whatever, I wasn't really expecting to turnout like this, that's why I don't really like it. This was meant to be on a couple of days ago. Crap came on and**** like doing just that: Shit. Sorry, personal.**** I'll probably rewrite it in the future. Anyways, such a great week, like, I can feel the rest of the summer being all fantastic. I haven't been on anything lately,.I was grounded, I lost my phone (but I founded it again), my laptop went crazy on me erasing all my files. YAY. And then my mother extended my punishment for another day after I insulted her dancing skills. "Mother, you can not move your booty." We're doing Zumba, because we need to get in shape. It's really fun though.**

**I'm slightly mad at fanfiction. It hasn't been wanting to let me update my stories. But thank Alicia, she posted it yesterday for me, even though I gave it to her four days ago. Yay, I'm not grounded anymore.**

**Estefy: love the lyrics :). Thanks guys for being so sweet and liking this story!**

**Songs: "Collide" by Howie Day and "Breathe" by He is We**

**Julia-nehh**


	12. Falling, I wouldn't mind if it were you

**Falling, I wouldn't mind if it were you**

He was walking around the small, white room which was a bit cold and smelt of anesthetics. His arms were crossed around his chest and he was anxious. His eyebrows furrowed together and his cheeks were marked with a red hue. His nostrils flared as he attempted to control his breathing. My eyes cautiously looked at his impatient physique continue walking around the room. He was furious. That was all I can say. As much as I wanted to know what was going on inside his head, I was a bit afraid to see his jumbled thoughts. Because he was fuming and I'm slightly regretting of telling Eddie about what Adrianna did to me.

"It's going to be fine, Eddie. _I'm _going to be alright…" I sighed and he suddenly stood still in the middle of the room. "It's not like it's the first time I've broken ribs." I muttered and I noticed how Eddie's body went completely rigid. His fists clenched and he stared at me. My eyes casted down to the blue and white tiles. "Yeah?" He said. I heard him suspire and I held tight on the frigid cushion beneath me. "Nice to know, Loren. That really makes all of this better." He stated, but I sense the hint of sarcasm in his tone. I bit my bottom lip and Eddie began walking towards me. He placed his hands on each side of my body and nonchalantly leaned in to me. His forehead pressed against my head and he exhaled. "I'm sorry." He whispered. I continued staring at the floor and I felt Eddie's hand take a hold of my mine. With his other hand, he lifted my chin up and my eyes landed on his. He smiled warmly and gently leaned in. His lips touched the bridge of my nose. We stayed like that for a few moments, his kiss lingered and when he pulled away, a small smile tugged my lips.

"Alright, Kiddos." The door slammed opened and we both instantly turned to look at the tall, dark skin, curly hair woman with a pleasant face walk in. "Sorry for interrupting whatever you guys were having." She stated whilst looking at the blue clipboard she had in her hands. Eddie reluctantly pulled away, he glanced at me and I shrugged, reassuring him I was going to be okay. "Okay Duran, wipe that tragic face off. I don't need your negativity to rub off on me. So you and your tragedy walk out right now, or you smile real big for your girl." She still wasn't looking at us. Regardless, Eddie shifted his gaze towards me and smiled softly.

"How is she, Tina?"

"Well," I waited patiently as she looked over on her clipboard of my x-ray results. "If you're worrying over broken ribs, there's none. Whoever harassed you didn't have an iron fist to break bones. Anyways," She walked over to me and motioned for Eddie to move aside. She carefully helped me lay down on the beige cushion. I cringed at the pain and she smiled in sympathy. And when I felt her hand give my stomach the slightest touch, I flinched at the pain coming to surface. She nodded, "With that being said, did you get hit constantly on the stomach?"

"Yeah," I responded while sitting back up, my back slouching and I held my gut. Eddie stood close to me and concern was written all over his face. I shook my head, _I'm okay._ "The person didn't hit you too hard to break your ribs but your stomach is soar due to the amount of constant hits."

"How long will it hurt?"

"A couple of weeks, two max." She began writing on a piece of paper, and I distinguished her messy handwriting. "I'll prescribe you an ointment and you must use it twice a day. After you wake up and before you go to bed. If you follow the directions, the pain will gradually subside and it'll eventually heal."

She handed me the paper. "I recommend not doing anything strenuous. I'd prefer if you stay in bed for a couple days and in due time, you can go back to your regular routine." She wrote something on the clipboard before looking at me. "If the pain gets worse, don't hide it. It's best if you pay me another visit." She warned and I nodded. "Well, that's about it. Get better, and remember don't force yourself too much. And you-" She looked at Eddie. "Take her care of her, will ya." Eddie let out a light chuckle. "Will do." He said. She looked at us for mere seconds before turning around and exiting out the room. There was a pregnant silence. All I heard was my steady breathing. "See," I began, "I told you everything was okay."

"It's not really a time to be joking."

"Hm, yeah." Silence captivated us again. I watched as Eddie sighed. "So Adrianna Masters." He stated. I gulped and nodded. He crossed his arms and I saw his eyes turn into pits of vengeance. "She's full of it if she thinks she'll get away for hurting you." I cautiously got down from the hospital bed. Eddie saw my failed attempt of planting both feet on the ground when I hissed, and he quickly took charge. He took me by surprise as my feet were no longer on the floor. Eddie picked me up in his arms and carefully held me. "What are you doing?" I clutched his shirt and I felt my cheeks burn. "You can't walk, and I really can't take it when watching you try to either." He sighed, "I told your mom."

"You did." I whispered.

"She had to know, Loren."

I soughed. He began walking towards the door. And I pressed my head against his beating chest. Of course, it doesn't matter anymore. She was prone to find out either way. "Okay." I heaved a shaky laugh. "Loren…" I waited for him to continue. "Everything will be different now."

"What do you mean?"

He was quiet for a minute. "Never, ever will allow you to get hurt again. You hear me? Over my dead body will they lay a finger on you." He stated with so much hate that I felt shivers crawl down my spine. It was quiet after that. And I opted to ignore all the stares we got, and maybe some pictures were taken off us while we made our way to the car. But at that moment I really didn't care; because as long as Eddie was with me, everything was going to be okay.

* * *

I was practically carried all the way to my bed, with my mother and Melissa trailing behind us. Eddie gently laid me on my bed and I found comfort in the cold sheets. My mother instantly sat next to me and pulled me into an embrace. I held the cry of pain that was bound to come out at the sudden contact, and Mother held me tightly. I could hear her muffle cries and felt her body shake. Melissa stood next to Eddie and a strange expression hooded her features. She looked sad, anguish clearly evident. Eddie was no better. He held our gaze for a few moments before turning around and treaded back to the living room where Max was. He too, had come along. Melissa gravelly sat on the bed. "Adrianna." She muttered. She blinked rapidly a couple of times. "Of course. I'm sorry Loren." She whispered.

"It's not your fault."

"I'll give that damn bitch a test of her own medicine."

"Melissa-"

"No, Loren. She will pay for this. No, I will not let her get away."

"Calm down, please."

"When I get my hands on her-Oh, she will regret being born." I sighed as she quickly stood up and kept talking, incoherent thoughts escaping her. My mother still held me. She had stopped sobbing and in an instant, she was standing. She wiped away her tears and looked at me with a pained demeanor. "What did the doctor say to you?" She asked all of the sudden. I slowly told her about my visit to the doctor and she nodded. "You'll stay home for a couple days then."

"Mom, I don't think-"

"And that's final. You'll stay in bed the whole time; I don't want you walking around until get better. And as for Adrianna-" She crossed her arms. "She hurt my baby, and I will damn make sure she gets what she deserves." I casted down my eyes to the sheets sheathing me from the cold. "How many were involved?"

"Two other girls and two boys."

"Where there any witnesses?"

I blinked, Emily. Then I flashed back to the scene. She was screaming, trying desperately to get a hold of me and escape from the boy whom had her locked. I smiled because she was the only one right there and then who truly wanted to help me. Even if her attempts were in vain, she tried. Then Adrianna took her. Will she say anything about the incident? Will she stay quiet? Did Adrianna threaten her? Will she be a bystander?

"Yes," I said. "Emily Velasquez."

My mother nodded apprehensively. "I'm going to your school tomorrow. Since this happened in school grounds, the principal has to know and she better take action. I will not leave that school without consequences for that girl." Her adamantine aura soon faded and she cupped one cheek. "I promise that when you go back to that place, you don't have to worry about Adrianna coming to you, or anyone. And if she does, don't you dare hold quiet about it." She let out a quavering breath. She hugged her arms, roughly stroked them and quickly turned around. I watched her crestfallen back exit out the room. I lay back on my bed and a tear silently betrayed me as it rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away.

This brings back painful memories. It's like back to those days when it was constant affliction with Trent, and my mother would quietly whimper. And I'd be begging her to run away but she wouldn't listen. She'd hang onto that hope that Trent would get better. It must be so caustic for her to watch her daughter crumble in her instigators eyes. The past should be the past. Right? It should all be better. But that's the aftermath of all the pain we had to endure for ten years. My mother was able to surpass it; she was able to get better. Maybe, all she needed was a push, a sudden trigger. And maybe that trigger was waking up in the hospital bed, all bandaged with her daughter next to her, screaming at the top of her lungs because she couldn't stop having nightmares. A cast on her leg, and the never ending tranquilizers being needled to her daughter because she couldn't shut up. That was her trigger of getting better, for her daughter, because she saw how after years of being the strong one, her daughter finally crumbled down into her worst incubus.

Melissa walked up to me. She poked my forehead. "You tried to kill yourself." She stated bluntly.

"Eddie told you?"

"No." She sighed. "I walked into your room, saw the bathroom door broken and then there was your tub filled with water. I put two and two together and you tried to kill yourself."

"Does my mom know that-"

"No. She knows what happened to you in school but not about that. I kinda drained the water and placed the door right up."

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"Do you want me to?"

"No…"

"Then don't argue with it. I don't think Nora could take finding out that her daughter tried committing. It's up to you to tell her."

"Aren't you afraid?"

"Of what?"

"That'll try it again."

"Will you?"

"I don't know."

"You won't." She stated with assurance.

"How do you know?"

"Because you're Loren, and Loren is strong. Take this as a small set back. Use it to refuel whatever you need to refuel to show everyone that they can't hurt you."

"But they can."

"Because you allow them to. Plus, you show it, too." She was quiet. "Next time, instead of crying, fight back. Even if it's hopeless, try because it would show that you won't give in to them." She smiled, and it was heart breaking for me to watch her distressed emotions. "The worst possible thing you could do in a fight, physical or emotional, is wave the white flag and give up even before all of it is over. If you know you're losing in the end, and then at least lose with dignity. Put up a fight next time. If there is a next time, anyways. From the looks of Eddie and Nora, they'll make sure you never shed a tear again." She sighed and shrugged. "If you're not punching Adrianna next time you see her. Then I'll do the honor of messing up her face." She glanced at me before silently making her way to the door. She smiled, "I'm going to find this Emily chick. Maybe, she's not so bad." And she left.

I pulled the covers up and felt safe with the comfort of the warmth. I battled with my thoughts, and when I was cleared from any, I began closing my eyes. Fatigue finally taking over. Maybe hours passed. Or maybe it was a few minutes, but I felt his presence instantly. I opened my eyes as my bed deviated when he sat down so close to me. He slowly caressed my cheek and I smiled at him. He reciprocated it and sighed. I became aware of his tear stained cheeks and his eyes were red and puffy. He inhaled and I furrowed my eyebrows together. "Eddie-"

"I have to go." He interrupted; there was some sort of disappointment in his tone. He heaved a sigh, "I'll visit you tomorrow." He said. I nodded, "Okay." He bit his lips and I stared at him. And all of the sudden I wanted to ask him, _why don't you kiss me?_ But that'd be so out of place and foolish of me to ask such a question. I became aware of the sudden distance amid us extinguishing. And he leaned in to me, my heart raced. It palpitated so quickly I'm sure it'll beat out of my chest anytime soon. My cheeks turned heated up. The rosiness was fairly evident in his cheeks as well. Perhaps, he will… but he didn't. He surged upwards and kissed my cheek instead. Before completely parting, he whispered, "If I'm going to do this, then I'll do it the right way."

And just like that, he left. So quickly I didn't have time to react. I stared dumbfounded at the door. Completely baffled by his sudden action, but soon I laid down on my bed. I went to sleep with the attempt to decipher what he meant.

* * *

**Tuesday 4 p.m.**

"How are you feeling?"

"Same. My stomach is still soar."

"Did you put on the cream?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'm going out to the supermarket. I'll be back in an hour or so. Um, Eddie is coming over later." I shifted my gaze from the magazine and nodded at my mother. She smiled and ruffled my hair. A smile tugged my lips as the thought of seeing Eddie crossed my mind. That'd be nice.

"Alright, Honey, behave."

"Will do. Bye."

She soon left and I flipped the page. My mother had gone today to school, with luck; she was able to talk to Ms. Iglesias, my principal. But unfortunately, Adrianna was absent. They called her house, nobody answered. Neither, her father and mother. Melissa told me she couldn't find Emily either. I didn't put much thought of where they could be, and chose to ignore it. They'll appear in time. My mind was more concentrated on the pain throbbing in my abdomen. I could barely move without feeling the instant pain, and going to the bathroom was impenetrable.

My thoughts soon faded when I heard the front door close. I smiled, it must be Eddie. I watched my bedroom door and waited for him to enter. But he didn't. I sighed and went back to the magazine. I twitched as I found me looking at a picture of Eddie and me. It was the day I had gone to MK to see Eddie perform. My head was buried on the crook of his neck, and his arms were wrapped around me, encasing me completely; and he was holding me firmly. **"Eddie Duran and his new, hot girl in a rather intimate moment." **Read the caption. I sighed and flipped the page.

"Loren." I heard his low, hesitant voice call for me. My eyes detracted away from the paper in hand. I looked up to lock eyes with Eddie. He was smiling and pure determination expressed in his auburn orbs. I smiled and he walked over to me. He gently got down on his knees and took a hold of my hands. I watched with curiosity as he held them tightly.

"Go out with me."

* * *

**Uneventful chapter. But oh well, I needed to update something. And here it is. HAHAHA They'll kiss in time people. Eddie is a gentleman, k? Do not worry you won't wait so long, and plus there's so many Leddie moments for you. I already know the ending and alllll. Hehe ;o. Aid will get it. Emily is so nice. Cameron is my man. **

**Thank you all for the reviews, I'll try to respond to all you! You guys are the best! 3 I hope you liked the chapter :D. I'm so cruel to you guys. You've been expecting a kiss for the past chapters and I tease you with having Eddie lean in, or they're about to kiss but he hesitates and/or someone interrupts. I apologize. Nah, not really.**

**Songs: "Falling" by Secrets in Stereos and "I wouldn't Mind" by He is We :).**


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